Friday, April 30, 2010

oh friday.

This is how I'm feeling this fine Friday; I thought I would express it through photo. If you could express your feelings through photos today...what would they look like?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Looking With Your Heart.

This is a little piece I'm in the process of working on....the words came and inspired me. I've been in my head a lot lately, and it has me feeling a little locked up. My creative life is suffering because of it, and things are not flowing like I'd like. A subtle message from the pay attention to what my heart is whispering. Living with an open heart and paying attention to those things that speak to me through my heart, is my intention for the week. What's your intention this week?

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Low Tide. High Mood.

I sat on a rock that is normally covered by the ocean and this was my view; the tide was so incredibly low. It was a soul nourishing and fabulous way to start a Friday! I felt so connected and alive. Do you have a place or situation that makes you feel this way? And if so, how often do you go there?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Being Present and Rediscovering - My Earth Day Celebration

South Laguna Beach, California
Breathing deeply on this Earth Day. Taking in all of the beauty that is available to me every day. I do cherish it, and am so appreciative of our Earth - always. Her beauty is abundant, and readily available. It's everywhere we look. Today, I will be looking for something I may not have noticed in awhile...some form of earthly beauty that may be underappreciated by some, or by me. I'm not sure what that will be yet, but I'm excited at the prospect of it! By being present, I will allow time for rediscovering something that I may take for granted on a daily basis....I'll report back and let you know what I find.

How will you be celebrating the earth today? If you want to play along with me, leave a comment telling me what you rediscovered today.

*Update of my findings throughout the day*

1. blades of grass really have personality! each one is unique
2. reflections in puddles are quite beautiful
3. palm trees swaying look like a graceful dance
4. purple! I've really been paying attention to the greens and the yellows
5. the sunlight through the clouds is highlighting the yellow on the hill across from me. it looks like a painting
6. the last sliver of sunset last night full of all shades of blue, pinks, greys, browns and purples. I always appreciate the sunsets, but this one had even more colors than most. A perfect ending to Earth Day.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Dear Universe, I got the message.

If you could do whatever you wanted without the risk of failure, what would you do?

The question is coming at me from all angles, and I am talking from all angles people. It's been asked during my live conversations with lovely people, via blogs, via twitter, via Danielle LaPorte’s book Style Statement. Everywhichway I turn….there it is.

Dear Universe, I hear you. Dually noted. I got ya. Loud and clear. Shot through the heart and you're to blame (couldn't resist). I am awake and focused. Listening to those whispers. Looking for a common thread in all that I want to do. Paying close attention to those things that have been with me for all of my life.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been sitting with the question. Feeling a bit frustrated that I don’t have a succinct answer. Frustrated that I don’t have more clarity on this. But between yesterday and today, I feel that I may have a bit more insight. I don’t have to have all of the answers. I have just have to…listen to the whispers. Pay attention to what my lessons in life have been. Take a look at what I’m good at. Think back to all of the things that I have been through and accomplished and see a common thread.

And today thanks to Carmen Torbus, I am playing with the idea of what it would mean to be a supporter of people. Women and girls specifically. I have said from the time I was young, that I was going to do something to empower women and girls. I guess part of what keeps me from claiming that for myself is my thinking….how could I make a living doing that? And can I combine that with art?

Why can’t I dream big? Why can’t I make money doing something that I feel so passionately about? Who's to stop me? What's to stop me? Why would I allow it/them to stop me?

I instantly go to the place of resistance though. My inner critic starts chattering in my ear…who do you think you are to say that? You don’t have it all together, so what makes you think that you can encourage anyone else and have them believe you? Why would anyone want encouragement from the girl who’s been living small?

Wait a minute who's in charge here?...oh yes, it's me.

I am here to say that today, I know with certainty that this is my inner critic talking (which exhibits some really good personal growth). And just because the thought pops into my head, it does not make it the truth. It does not have to take up permanent residence in my life or my head. I am a supporter of people. A supporter of dreams. A supporter of the arts. A supporter of love, authenticity, and empowerment. A supporter of women loving themselves exactly as they are. Where they are.

How does this play into me figuring out the answer to the question? Well, to that I have to say…I don’t know for sure. But I am clear that it is ok to be unsure. I have my eyes and ears open to those whispers. And while I’m at it, I am going to give myself permission to claim the big dreams, and not minimize them for fear of looking foolish. Because honestly, to me…foolishness seems more like denying yourself the whispers of your heart. I believe that our souls carry messages and/or all of the answers…and we are continually given opportunities to uncover them. Ignoring those opportunities over and over…seems much more cockamamy than taking the time to listen and pay attention.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Sharing Goes a Long Way.

Watching this video not only made me made me think about the amazing bonds we feel with people whom we've met via the interwebs (many of whom we've never met in real life). This shows the power of friendship when it's expressed in its truest form, from a place of authenticity and non judgement. When we recognize another being for who they really are. When we feel comfortable enough with another being to BE who we really are. It can't be explained. It just is. And that. Is. Beautiful.

I adore seeing pure expressions of love, like the ones you see in the video. It makes a case for what I believe - which is that we are all connected, it's possible to all get along regardless of race, religion, sex or breed, and that a little sharing goes a long way! Thank you for sharing this space with me, and I hope that when and if we do meet IRL it will be a pure unadulterated celebration of friendship like that of Surya and Roscoe's.

Monday, April 12, 2010

happy monday schmonday.

It's been hard to get going on Mondays lately. I have to say that I am so happy to have recently started practicing gentleness and non judgement with myself. Monday for the last few weeks has become a bit of a transition day. I take it as it comes. Move through it without too much pressure on myself. And seem to make it to Tuesday unscathed and ready to hit the ground running. I will happily take the kinder gentler Monday, over the whattheheckswrongwithyouyouvegottennothingdone Monday anyday. Maybe a two day weekend is just not enough (for me right now)?....

Friday, April 9, 2010

Fun With Fabrics.

I am feeling the need to get the sewing machine out, so this is where I'm at this lovely a pile of fabrics. Fun with fabrics on a Friday afternoon! I have had stacks of fabric laying around, and zippers coming out of my ears, so the time has come to sew some zippered pouches. I would love to add some to the etsy shop too - that's been one of my goals.

I am especially in love with the hot pink car fabric. It was a splurge! I'll make sure to show off whatever I make with it and the other fabrics here, and if I have more than one somethings...maybe you can carry one around too. I love to combine fabrics. It feels so good to have my hands on these textiles.

Today I think I will be cutting which is the hardest part for me - being a recovering perfectionist and all. Once everything is cut, the real fun can begin! And while sewing makes me want to pull my hair out is also very soothing to me. It's like a good therapy session....with tangible results. Face some fears. Express some emotion and maybe some expletives. Let it all go. Walk away feeling a sense of accomplishment.

What will you be doing this weekend? Anything fun? Facing any fears? Expressing any emotion? Letting go? Accomplishing anything?

I hope that whatever you have some fun. xo

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Freeing up Space.

Every Easter morning for five years in a row we get to listen to something that is music to our ears. There are 3 or 4 houses directly down the hill below us that have young children. And without fail every year, we find ourselves gathered at our bedroom window, watching and listening to the Easter egg hunts going on down below.We love it. Adore it actually. But it also bring up a tender spot for us, because we want to have babies so badly.

Every year as this happens, we talk about what we will do with our kids when we finally get pregnant. We talk about how badly we want to wake up on Easter morning and have our kiddos hunting for the eggs that their Daddy has hidden for them. Inevitably he will be the egg hider, since he wakes up at the crack of dawn on a regular day - though I am never one to miss out on fun, so I'm sure I will be hiding some too.

I haven't talked about our fertility much here in this space, but because I am feeling particularly tender about it, I thought I would. This year I feel it so much more deeply, the longing, the sadness, the hope. In this moment I am feeling the the possibility fading. Fading with each passing year. I know that I am supposed to release all expectations and BE, but there is a part of me that can't quite apply that to having a baby. If I give up the expectation, the hope, the possibility...will it happen? Will the message that we are still longing be heard?

I put all of these feelings in a box (that damn box keeps appearing, doesn't it?), where I can safely keep them at a distance. Trying to hold onto hope, but trying to let go of the outcome at the same time. And to be honest, it's exhausting. I only know that I am feeling deeply right now. It is okay to be where I am. To have feelings and let them move through me. If I don't let them out, then they stay bottled up, and one thing I know for sure is - that does me no good.

I am feeling sad about trying to get pregnant for over 5 years to no avail. I am feeling a bit frightened about what the future holds. I am letting the tears flow as I write this. I am letting it move through. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I want people to feel like they can talk to me about it. I want people to be feel comfortable telling my when someone gets pregnant. I want people to continue holding onto hope along with me. I want people to not stay away because it makes them uncomfortable. I want to feel normal, and not like I belong in a tower and should be guarded by a dragon. I just want to be supported no matter what the outcome is.

We are working on emotions in the courageous year, and I suppose that's another reason why the feelings are a little more available to me now. It feels good to write about it, to let it out of the proverbial box. I have to say that I was a bit afraid of this section of the course, because I know that I have a lot built up in there. I came to a realization that it all needs to be let out. The thing that's a bit scary is that there is a lot of it - the sadness and anger. I can't help but think of all of the good that can come my way, as all of that space is freed up though. That gives me hope for the matter what it brings.

photo attribution -

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

A Sea of Blue and Green.

 rings by olive & hope

she swims in a whirly swirly sea of blue and green.
no concern if her vision is crystal or murky.
she allows herself to be supported by its beauty.
to revel in the purity of the moment.
to feel the sand between her toes.
to move gracefully through it.
to embrace her place in the world.
to be taken by its beauty.
to BE in the midst of it all.

tossed around by the whirly surf.
she lands on the shore amongst the seaweed.
she feels the weight of it all.
and breathes in deep.
her lungs filling with possibility.
her mind feeling tousled and awakened.
her heart bursting open.

she basks in the warmth of sunshine.
looking to the clouds for shapes and inspiration.
feeling elated and ready.
encircled by sea glass
and sea shells.
she clearly hears its call.

A Video that Deserves to be Shared.

All of My Days from Kate Swoboda on Vimeo.

Just a quick little post to share this very beautiful video. If you haven't already seen it, you should. And if you have already seen should watch it again. I can't get enough of it. And Kate is every bit as beautiful and authentic a person, as her video shows. *and she was sweet enough to feature one of my baubles in the video :)  Enjoy!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Beautifully Balanced.

I was on a beach walk the other day and stumbled upon this piece of driftwood with rocks stacked on it. It made me think of the delicate balance of BEing. When I am gentle with myself and where I'm at, it allows me to fully be present and celebrate myself. Not for what I have or haven't done, but for just BEing. Life is lived in the present moment, and when I find myself worrying about what I should be doing, regretting the past or what if'ing about the future I begin to feel a sense of heaviness. And I feel a bit more like a pile of rocks...I'm talking a huge pile of boulders people.

This beautifully balanced stack of rocks is what I want to feel like. Just that - beautifully balanced. Able to face change, fear, insecurity, anger, sadness, joy, peacefulness, calm, happiness and know that where I'm at is just fine. Not to take on more than is healthy for me, and not to pile myself so high with self imposed expectations that I risk toppling over from the weight of it all. It's a moment to moment thing, and it's a choice. I get to choose each moment to BE who I am, where I am, in all of my glory...just like this beautiful stack of rocks.

Sipping and Fun.

I'm a few hours late for my Friday post...but we can surely have fun on Saturday right? I was perusing Anthropologie's site and found these fun stripey straws. And I couldn't help but picture a vase filled with flowers, a table full of food, a colorful tablecloth, and sipping lemonade or some other refreshing drink...with friends.

In honor of Spring, the gorgeous weather we have been having, and the weekend of holiday festivities - why not make simply sipping a drink with friends and family a celebration all it's own? Being present. Listening. Sharing. Being kind. Sipping and having fun.