Sunday, May 8, 2011

celebrating the mom in all of us.

me holding a friend's baby

Whether or not a baby has ever miraculously come out of your body, you are a mother. You have helped mother me, or your sister, or your girlfriend, or your cousin, or your neighbor, or a stranger. You have wiped a tear or a bottom. You have given counsel. You have talked someone you love off a ledge. You have nurtured and natured and gently nudged her to keep going when she was sure she couldn't. You have read a storybook, shoveled a walk, waved across the parking lot, not even realizing you were saving someone's life. – jena strong

This quote was shared on twitter last year, and I can't tell you how much it was appreciated. Sometimes I downplay my feelings around trying to become a Mom. Sometimes I forget that I already am, all of the things that any Mom is.

Today I am celebrating all women, and the divine feminine that lives in each of us. Today I celebrate and send love to ~

Moms with babies.

Moms who have lost babies.

Moms to be.

Women hoping to be Moms.

Women who choose not to be Moms.

Women who cannot conceive naturally.

Women who are struggling with (in)fertility.

Women who are Moms to fur babies.

Women who are nurturers.

Women who are friends.

Women who listen.

Women who are willing to be by your side, any day, any way.

Women whose memories live on.

Women who are sisters, friends, aunts, cousins, daughters.

Women who reach out.

Women who show up when you need someone.

Mother's Day can bring up a lot of emotion for many of us. Whether it's because we don't have children, we've lost a child, or because we are missing our Mothers. One thing that I have found is that those of us that are feeling emotion on this day often get ignored. I totally get that it can be because someone doesn't want to upset me (you), I understand that someone may worry that they will say the wrong thing, or that they don't know how to bring up a sensitive subject. For me...being ignored feels worse. I would rather you acknowledge my feelings (even if it comes out all wrong). This is where I'm at with all of it - you can acknowledge someones feelings without diminishing them or trying to fix things for them.

For example ~

I know you may be feeling tender about _____(or today), I just want you to  know I'm thinking about you.

It's really simple to just let someone know you are thinking about them. Not so simple to leave it at that...but it's all that's needed. I promise. And it applies to any situation. Of course everyone is not the same...some people may want a hug, some may not. Some may want to talk, or they may not. But by acknowledging them, you have showed up in such big way. Maybe even bigger than you know.

For me, it lets me know you are thinking of me, and the fact that I might be feeling tender. It makes me feel like a person, a whole person. I don't feel invisible, or like the damsel in the tower who is separated from everyone else, by a moat and dragon. I say just show up...don't worry about how perfectly you say things, or that you might cause someone more pain. We are going to have our feelings either way. When no one shows up...we are just having them alone.

I cannot adequately express the power of this in words. I'm pretty sure that we have all had women in our lives at some point or another, that were a rock for us, a source of inspiration...They may or may not have been our own Mothers. In fact, they may not have ever had children themselves. But they showed up for us in big ways, out of love. This is worth celebrating today, and every day.

Thank you to the women in my life who show up. I am so appreciative!

Saturday, May 7, 2011


these are a few of the things that are making me oh so happy and heartfull this week.

I received a little package of love in the mail...and it contained the original of this! seriously...remember me mentioning that I was loving this print? I cannot tell you how completely grateful I am to have her hanging on my wall, inspiring me to be even more brave in every area of my life...and reminding me that I am loved, not just by this lovely kindred, but by many amazing people. Further testament to the power of reaching out. * I cannot possibly express the depth of my gratitude here for this gift, and demonstration of reaching out. Thank you my dear friend, you are appreciated and loved.

this post by liz.

this post by brene.

a boat load of phone calls, skype calls, emails, and text messages from people that I love dearly. I am so grateful to have such a full life.

this song by adele

and....sunshine!! sunshine!! sunshine!!

Friday, May 6, 2011

the power of reaching out.

I've been quiet here...working my way through Brene Brown's Ordinary Courage e-course. It's good. It's scary. It's so big. There is so much possibility in this work with shame. Life changing, relationship changing, world changing. While it's scary...the thing that keeps coming up for me is power. Looking at the things that trigger shame in me, isn't easy, in fact it's harder than hard...but, if I can truly understand what's happening in those moments, that's where the power is. Instead of swirling in the shit...feeling swept up, and out of control, I am going to be able to recognize what's happening, and use my tools.

It's so interesting to think about shame and how it flourishes in the dark. That isolating, and keeping to myself when I am in the midst of the swirl actually keeps me there longer. Adds to the separation. Shame thrives in separation, and it's what keeps us stuck. Right where we are. One thing (of many) that I will take away from the e-course is that reaching out is worth it. Perhaps it's the longing for connection that we all express. A deeper knowing of this. My soul (our souls) reminding me (us), calling out to us to connect. Come out of the dark. Flourish in the light. Amongst other souls with whom we connect. That sharing is powerful, and life changing for both the listener, and the person who is sharing. If we reach out one person at a time...our world can change.

Yes reaching out can be hard. Especially when you are lost in your own shit. It's easy to think - I don't want to bother others with it. It's easy to think - I'm the only one. It's easy to think - I might be judged. It's easy to think - I deserve what I've got going on. That somehow it's all my fault. I will tell you that reaching out sheds a light on the truth. Tell someone something hard, or big (someone you trust), or start small...reach out and tell someone that you care about them, and you will see what will find out that you aren't alone. You aren't the only one swirling. That you're loved. Opening the door and letting a sliver of light in, has unimaginable power.

Sharing is powerful, and life changing for both the listener, and the person who is sharing. If we reach out one person at a time...our world can change. And it's all the same world. Right? We are all connected. I'm leaning into this in my life. Starting a ripple. Will you join me?