Friday, March 25, 2011

swept away by choice.

windswept (from above) - photo of me by me.

It's a rainy day here. I'm sitting here and listening to the sound of the drops, and realizing that I was swept away by the storm of this week. Feeling a little out of sorts. Feeling a little raw and tender. Just feeling. Sometimes I go to this place so deep inside that I don't move. I mean, I move through a state of unfeeling. I get out of tune with what's going on within me, and autopilot kicks in. The thing that I am thankful for is that in the past, it would have taken me much longer to realize that this is the road I'm on. I'm grateful for the awareness that I now carry within me. That awareness brings with it a discomfort that I cannot ignore, and I'm choosing to look at it.

One part of the storm this week has been about making money. Being able to support myself in ways that fulfill me. Feeling pulled by money, and feeling resentful about how working for someone else makes me feel. Wanting something bigger for myself, and not being really clear about how to make that happen...leaves me feeling fackered up. Having hints and whispers of what I could do...having inklings and not following them, or trying them...leaves me feeling fackered up.

Honestly the other part of it - putting myself, my heart...out there to new friends, and kindred spirits is really a practice for me. I am so hungry for it, and want it with all of my heart. What I'm realizing, is that it's a challenge to stay be open. To expose myself in such big ways to others. There is this small part of myself that's in cahoots with my inner critic, and together they would be much safer for you to stay in the cocoon. The small box. If you allow yourself to dream too big, to reach out, to be yourself, you could get hurt.

And then there is this larger part...the part that's connected directly to my heart that says, you must. You must reach out. You must dream big. You must live big. You must allow the good things to come. You must stay open, because that is who you really are. You are directly connected to your heart. You are love. You are open. You can trust who you are. You are enough. You can trust connection. You can trust being seen. You are goodness and light, and if you show up as who you are...people will see that. And it's time baby girl.

Rather than being swept up by the storm, I am choosing to lean into the fears...and the bigness. I am in choice all of the time, and I choose to remember that. I choose to stay open. I choose to reach out. I choose to dream big. I choose to live big. I choose to allow goodness to come. I choose living from the heart. I choose love. I choose me. I choose connection. I choose goodness and light. I choose awareness. I choose this moment over and over again.

In this moment...what will you choose for yourself? I would love to know. To be witness to it. To see you and hear you. In holding space for allows me to do the same for myself. Thank you for that gift. xo

Monday, March 14, 2011

perfectly me

I have so much swirling in me right much I want to write about, talk about...The Create Stillness Retreat was amazing. So amazing. The women. The place. All of it. I have been sitting with all that happened on our weekend together...processing, and remembering the magic. I don't know that I have words for all of it yet, and my heart has been with those in Japan. So I'm not going to try today. I did find this note written to myself in my journal in June of 2010, and thought I would share it as a part of my love notes series.

i do not need to be more organized. be a better house keeper. be more outgoing. make faster decisions. make perfect decisions. do more of anything. be more of anything. make more of anything. make better anything, in order to be better. i am already perfect. perfectly me.

sharing stillness by the sea - shot by me

one thing I will say about this weekend, is that it was a very good reminder to be present to what is....and reading this love note to myself reminded me of that. what are you being present to today? are you feeling aware of your perfection?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

inner peace.

This quote was shared by my yoga teacher yesterday morning. I searched the interwebs to find it and wanted to share it with you. The amazing thing is that as I drove down there, I was feeling each of these things. Hearing the quote confirmed it. Inner Peace. *cue angels singing* I feel blessed to encounter it for as long as it stays. Knowing that it's a practice, and that it will slip away again...and again. All I can do is trust that it will always find it's way home.


by Saskia Davis

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many already have been exposed; and it is possible that people, everywhere, could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what, up to now, has been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Signs & Symptoms of Inner Peace

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences

An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment

A loss of interest in judging other people

A loss of interest in judging self

A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others

A loss of interest in conflict

A loss of ability to worry (a very serious symptom)

Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation

Contented feelings of connectedness with others & nature

Frequent attacks of smiling (through your eyes and from your heart) - this bit was added in the quote yesterday, not sure if it's part of the original. I personally think it's a perfect addition.

An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen

An increased susceptibility to love extended by others, and the uncontrollable urge to extend it

If you have some or all of the above symptoms, be advised that your condition of inner peace may be too far advanced to be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk. © 1984

A little thinking aloud :: I'm happy if they come one at a time. The more often each of these individual feelings shows up...they are lighting the path toward inner peace. And one day we will find ourselves standing in the midst of it. {If we are open to it}. What do you think? Is that how inner peace shows up for you?