What's For Dinner?...

"Fun" is my F for today. Last night my love, myself and the dog were in the kitchen discussing one of our hot topics "what's for dinner?". It's become sort of a play thing for us, sometimes it's fun, and sometimes it's just plain annoying (mostly fun though). As the subject came up last night, a streak of silliness hit me and I said that I would like to express my feelings and thoughts about dinner through interpretive dance. And the result was the three of us dancing/acting out our words in the middle of the kitchen, while deciding to have leftovers. The dog cannot resist a dance party - ever. He is so quirky....I wonder where he gets it? We all had some pretty funny moves going on. I woke up with a good giggle in the middle of the night, while the two boys were soundly sleeping. One of the many reasons why I am so in love with my family - being silly is so very acceptable and completely encouraged. This is our brand of fun....what silly things do you do with your family, and or pets?

a note to my future inner sales person.

To help keep me blogging, I am going to try and do something new. Celebrating the end of the week with a Friday blog dedicated to F stuff. Fearlessness, Fun, Future, Fabulousities....and whatever other F fancies me each week.

Today I am going to write a note to my future self. Me in the not so distant future...I'm talking over the next couple of weeks.

My dearest me,

I just want you to know that you have had a fabulous couple of weeks. I am so proud of you for heading out and talking to people about your rings, I know that you've been so afraid. It was just what you needed to do to get over the hump. There was a positive response overall, and any less than positive response was just part of getting out there. Being turned away is not a door slamming, but rather an opportunity to learn, grow, and for goodness that can't be seen in advance. Many things will come from this - more than you even realize. The forward motion was great! You were great...especially the part where you were just you. That part totally rocked!

Know this darling girl...you are completely supported in dreaming big.

i love you,
me  xo

Happy Monday Little Miss Inner Critic.

I am aware that you are afraid today inner critic. I am aware that you are worried that I might fail, or that I might make a stupid mistake today (or any day for that matter). I understand that you only want the best for me. You just have a crappy way of showing it. You show your love for me by whispering things that will scare me, and make me feel as anxious as you do in an effort to keep me safe. I am going to start the week off by acknowledging you my darling inner critic and all of your concern, but more importantly by choosing to face the week and all it brings anyway.

As I'm nearing the end of level one of the courageous year I'm examining the progress I've made, and taking a look at where I am at. I am not perfect, and I still feel like I may succumb to fear at any given moment. I am still feeling overwhelm tugging at my skirt strings. I am feeling like I am filled with worry and anxiety over starting a business - wondering if I will make it and be able to pay my bills. And I am filled with worry over not getting it all right. However, here's the good part on this gorgeous Monday - I am acknowledging all of these things. Which hot diggity...means I am present. I am feeling empowered. I am feeling my emotions, but not getting run over by them. I have made some really good changes, and I will not diminish that. I am accepting where I'm at today, and while it may not be exactly where I want to be, in this moment I am here and accounted for. That's all I can hope for. I don't expect to be some perfected version of me, just maybe a souped up version. You know the one that still experiences all of the stuff that surfaces from time to time...but knows that that is all it is.

 Perfect or not...here I come. Ready to face the rest of the week and all it brings.

Where Worthiness Lives.

It’s being talked about everywhere I turn. Worthiness. Abundance. As you may already know, I’ve claimed embracing abundance as one of my primary focuses of the year. And when it comes down to it…abundance and worthiness go hand in hand. If you don’t feel worthy of good things, then how can abundance possibly come your way? Brene Brown has a Week of Worthiness going on over at her blog to promote what looks like an amazing new dvd that she just released. Its inspired bloggers everywhere to discuss worthiness, and it feels a bit like an uprising to me. Some of the blogs are hosting giveaways of the dvd, and to enter you are asked to put in the comments section – I am worthy, or some other variation of that. You scroll down and see person after person declaring that for themselves, and it starts to feel really powerful.

I think that there is something to be said for doing anything in numbers, and I am all for a Worthiness Movement :) To know that we are born as perfect beings that are worthy of all of lifes richness (and not just the monetary kind), is a gift. Finding our way back to that is the challenge. It is amazing to read how others feel about worthiness and a lack thereof, people feel it in terms of everything from their bodies, to their homes, to their wardrobe, and to just being enough. Being enough as a person. I will raise my hand here right now, and admit that I have felt this way in every one of those areas. It’s absolutely true. And at some point it has become uncomfortable for me to feel this way any longer. There is a separateness that comes from it, and there is no need for it. You can clearly see that, as you read the blogs that are participating in this week of worthiness. There is no separation in us as people, and there should be no separation in each us from all of our perfection at the soul level.

I’ve said before that I believe our beauty is inherent, it's in our cells and in our souls, and I believe the same goes with worthiness. It's not about perfection, how much you get marked off a to-do list, how others perceive us, or what we have in life - it about understanding that we can step back into that soul level perfection every moment, every day - no matter what. Whether you've had a good or bad hair day. Gained 10 lbs or lost 10 lbs. Have gray hair or no gray hair. Are working at your dream job or not. Are feeling full of energy or choose to lay on the couch. Feel comfortable in a bathing suit or not. Are paralyzed by fear or are always jumping right in with both feet. Have a mountain of debt or have money coming out of your ears. Own a home. Are homeless.  Rent a home. Exercise 7 days a week or think about exercising 7 days a week (this could go on forever...). What I'm trying to say is that no matter what you think you should have to be or do, before worthiness can find you...we each already possess it in this very moment. It lives in each of us. You don't need to check things off the list before you can claim it.

I am choosing to claim it for myself. Declaring it for myself. I am worthy. I am enough. What about you? Declare it in my comments, there is power in numbers.

A Little of Me.

I have the feeling that something big is on the horizon. I am feeling alive, and inspired to live, love, create, nurture, and use my voice (for good not evil - of course). I found this meme over at Kate's blog and loved it. Because I think that being open is an important part of my journey, I decided to dive in and play along!

I am: creative. sweet. silly. quiet. easy going. trustworthy. insecure. detail oriented. quirky. a great teacher. positive. sensitive. a worrier. level headed (i'm a Libra). a pig tail wearer. happy. sad. scared. strong. big hearted.

I think: that the world would be a better place if people were nicer to one another

I know: that I am a beautiful soul.

I want: to embrace an abundant life full of all of the things that I've forgotten I deserve

I have: hope for the future

I dislike: people who bully others

I miss: collaborative creative work, I feel like some of my best work has been born out of collaboration

I fear: living small for the rest of my life - being stuck because of fear. not realizing my dreams

I feel: filled with hope and anticipation, and scared with a little twinge of ohcrapwhatsaroundthecorner at the same time

I hear: music - it's been a Pandora Radio kind of day

I smell: pineapple and eau de labrador retriever

I crave: connection, creative expression and sometimes mexican food ;)

I usually: put too much importance on what others think of me

I search: for the good in every situation

I wonder: if I will really be able to step into my power

I regret: the way that I've spoken/treated myself through the years. thankfully, now I know better - most of the time ;) it's a process

I love: my love. and my dog. they are my family, and fill my days and nights with fun, love, richness, and joy. I know that no matter what, good times or bad (and we've had both), they are there for me. loving me -endlessly

I care: about people's well being - including my own

I am always: silly, even if I don't show you

I worry: that I won't be perceived as a grown up

I remember: being completely connected to my creative abilities when I was a child, and I'm working on getting back there

I have: a strong desire to do some kind of creative work, that involves inspiring/empowering girls

I dance: all of the time! with my love. with my dog. in the kitchen. in the living room. in the bathroom. in the bedroom. not in public unless some alcohol has been consumed (working on this one)

I sing: whenever I hear a song that I know the words to, and that's pretty often. some people know movie lines, I remember song lyrics

I don’t always: do the things that I want to, mostly because of fear

I argue: rarely. and when I do, it's something I feel passionately about. it usually only lasts until I remember it's my ego talking

I write: because I'm amazed at the things you learn about yourself along the way

I lose: my mind over stripey socks and boots

I wish: to live a fulfilled life and to accept that I can dream HUGE for myself - there need not be barriers or limits

I listen: to music with a fervor, and my intuition as often as possible

I don’t understand: violence

I can usually be found: at my dining room table. *aka the office/art studio

I am scared: that I won't ever be a Mom

I need: connection, creative work, music, and joy

I forget: that I am a big strong girl

I am happy: when I'm connecting with others.  and when I'm out in nature

big strong girl.

I feel like I have been talking a lot about my fears, and tactics that I use to live small. I feel like I downplay my strength sometimes. I just thought I would post to declare that while I have fears (and I speak of them often), and while I may still employ tactics that encourage living small...I am a big strong girl. And for me - being a big strong girl means acknowledging my weaknesses, feeling my emotions, asking for help when I need it, walking through it not running away from it, being proud of my accomplishments, nurturing myself when I need it, always being open to growth, and loving all parts of me.

Always...

I had a moment of clarity in the shower yesterday morning - I do some of my best thinking there. I had just finished a great meditation, which I'm sure led to the inspiration (channeling my inner Dr. Suess here). It came to me that I have always been taken taken care of. I have always been taken really good care of. Maybe it didn't come from the places that I wanted it to all of the time, but none of that matters. It just doesn't. I have been really blessed. I have always had really loving and wonderful people in my life, and I have always had a relationship with God, Source, allthatis, whatever you call it. In that moment I felt so fortunate - filled with gratitude from my head to my toes.

I wrote this in my journal yesterday - It doesn't matter who or what has taken care of me. The simple fact is, that I have always been provided for. Always been loved. Always been safe. Always been protected. There is no need to be seperate from that.

One of the things I'm working on is Embracing Abundance - wrapping my mind, heart, and soul around it. This was a moment when I could no longer deny that I am abundant and worthy. And I am no longer choosing to affirm lack in my life. I'm choosing to affirm abundance...and there's power in that.