celebrating the mom in all of us.

me holding a friend's baby

Whether or not a baby has ever miraculously come out of your body, you are a mother. You have helped mother me, or your sister, or your girlfriend, or your cousin, or your neighbor, or a stranger. You have wiped a tear or a bottom. You have given counsel. You have talked someone you love off a ledge. You have nurtured and natured and gently nudged her to keep going when she was sure she couldn't. You have read a storybook, shoveled a walk, waved across the parking lot, not even realizing you were saving someone's life. – jena strong

This quote was shared on twitter last year, and I can't tell you how much it was appreciated. Sometimes I downplay my feelings around trying to become a Mom. Sometimes I forget that I already am, all of the things that any Mom is.

Today I am celebrating all women, and the divine feminine that lives in each of us. Today I celebrate and send love to ~

Moms with babies.

Moms who have lost babies.

Moms to be.

Women hoping to be Moms.

Women who choose not to be Moms.

Women who cannot conceive naturally.

Women who are struggling with (in)fertility.

Women who are Moms to fur babies.

Women who are nurturers.

Women who are friends.

Women who listen.

Women who are willing to be by your side, any day, any way.

Women whose memories live on.

Women who are sisters, friends, aunts, cousins, daughters.

Women who reach out.

Women who show up when you need someone.

Mother's Day can bring up a lot of emotion for many of us. Whether it's because we don't have children, we've lost a child, or because we are missing our Mothers. One thing that I have found is that those of us that are feeling emotion on this day often get ignored. I totally get that it can be because someone doesn't want to upset me (you), I understand that someone may worry that they will say the wrong thing, or that they don't know how to bring up a sensitive subject. For me...being ignored feels worse. I would rather you acknowledge my feelings (even if it comes out all wrong). This is where I'm at with all of it - you can acknowledge someones feelings without diminishing them or trying to fix things for them.

For example ~

I know you may be feeling tender about _____(or today), I just want you to  know I'm thinking about you.

It's really simple to just let someone know you are thinking about them. Not so simple to leave it at that...but it's all that's needed. I promise. And it applies to any situation. Of course everyone is not the same...some people may want a hug, some may not. Some may want to talk, or they may not. But by acknowledging them, you have showed up in such big way. Maybe even bigger than you know.

For me, it lets me know you are thinking of me, and the fact that I might be feeling tender. It makes me feel like a person, a whole person. I don't feel invisible, or like the damsel in the tower who is separated from everyone else, by a moat and dragon. I say just show up...don't worry about how perfectly you say things, or that you might cause someone more pain. We are going to have our feelings either way. When no one shows up...we are just having them alone.

I cannot adequately express the power of this in words. I'm pretty sure that we have all had women in our lives at some point or another, that were a rock for us, a source of inspiration...They may or may not have been our own Mothers. In fact, they may not have ever had children themselves. But they showed up for us in big ways, out of love. This is worth celebrating today, and every day.

Thank you to the women in my life who show up. I am so appreciative!

happy.ness

these are a few of the things that are making me oh so happy and heartfull this week.

I received a little package of love in the mail...and it contained the original of this! seriously...remember me mentioning that I was loving this print? I cannot tell you how completely grateful I am to have her hanging on my wall, inspiring me to be even more brave in every area of my life...and reminding me that I am loved, not just by this lovely kindred, but by many amazing people. Further testament to the power of reaching out. * I cannot possibly express the depth of my gratitude here for this gift, and demonstration of reaching out. Thank you my dear friend, you are appreciated and loved.


this post by liz.

this post by brene.

a boat load of phone calls, skype calls, emails, and text messages from people that I love dearly. I am so grateful to have such a full life.

this song by adele

and....sunshine!! sunshine!! sunshine!!

the power of reaching out.

I've been quiet here...working my way through Brene Brown's Ordinary Courage e-course. It's good. It's scary. It's so big. There is so much possibility in this work with shame. Life changing, relationship changing, world changing. While it's scary...the thing that keeps coming up for me is power. Looking at the things that trigger shame in me, isn't easy, in fact it's harder than hard...but, if I can truly understand what's happening in those moments, that's where the power is. Instead of swirling in the shit...feeling swept up, and out of control, I am going to be able to recognize what's happening, and use my tools.

It's so interesting to think about shame and how it flourishes in the dark. That isolating, and keeping to myself when I am in the midst of the swirl actually keeps me there longer. Adds to the separation. Shame thrives in separation, and it's what keeps us stuck. Right where we are. One thing (of many) that I will take away from the e-course is that reaching out is worth it. Perhaps it's the longing for connection that we all express. A deeper knowing of this. My soul (our souls) reminding me (us), calling out to us to connect. Come out of the dark. Flourish in the light. Amongst other souls with whom we connect. That sharing is powerful, and life changing for both the listener, and the person who is sharing. If we reach out one person at a time...our world can change.

Yes reaching out can be hard. Especially when you are lost in your own shit. It's easy to think - I don't want to bother others with it. It's easy to think - I'm the only one. It's easy to think - I might be judged. It's easy to think - I deserve what I've got going on. That somehow it's all my fault. I will tell you that reaching out sheds a light on the truth. Tell someone something hard, or big (someone you trust), or start small...reach out and tell someone that you care about them, and you will see what happens...you will find out that you aren't alone. You aren't the only one swirling. That you're loved. Opening the door and letting a sliver of light in, has unimaginable power.

Sharing is powerful, and life changing for both the listener, and the person who is sharing. If we reach out one person at a time...our world can change. And it's all the same world. Right? We are all connected. I'm leaning into this in my life. Starting a ripple. Will you join me?

hello friday, it's me grateful.

I've spent a lot of time today feeling blessed by the amazing circle of women I find myself surrounded by. From all walks of life. From all parts of the country. And beyond. I am a grateful girl.

I don't know if I can articulate my feelings completely...but in the spirit of gratitude and bliss, I wanted to share a few things & people that are contributing.

brave girl by danielle fraser

Danielle is amazing. If you don't know her yet....you should. She's got a huge heart, and is uber talented to boot. I'm swooning over her brave girl print right now...though honestly, I could post a list of faves. I adore the colors in her latest work.

I signed up for Brene Brown's ordinary courage e-course . Registration is now closed...but you can still sign up for a year of wholehearted living. I can't tell you how much goodness you will find at her site. Life changing good.

Yoga is still rocking my world. The benefits are so much more than physical. Happy heart. Happy mind. Happy body.

My new brass elephant - a thrift store find from this week. He is causing me all sorts of giddiness.

Reading....always makes me happy. I'm currently jumping between two books (truth be told....they are the main books I'm spending time with, not the only). Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes. And the Right-Brain Business Plan, by Jennifer Lee.

Full of gratitude from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Breathing in sunshine and smiles. Feeling blessed beyond measure...Life is not always easy or perfect, but gratitude is always free. Hope you have a happy weekend! xo

showing up.

This week came with some big revelations. And a lot of yoga. These two things went hand in hand I suspect know. This week was leading up to the 3 hour yoga workshop (which I attended yesterday)...and so I made a decision early in the week to get in some extra yoga this week to prepare. During my first class of the week (my regularly scheduled one) I overheard two lovely women talking about the workshop, I wanted to chime in, but waited. As we lay down at the beginning of class, I knew what I had to do. At the end of class I would introduce myself and talk to them about the workshop, and tell them that I was nervous about it. I let go, and practiced. Afterward, I went over and introduced myself and did just that...I told them that I was signed up and nervous. And that I wanted to reach out to them so that I would have a couple of smiling faces in the crowd that know me. This wasn't easy for me. I'm quiet and often keep to myself, I don't hang around after yoga to chat with people. Yet I knew that this was something that I needed to do. So that when I entered this space with 100 or so people, still feeling a bit like a newbie...I would have something in addition to myself (outside of myself) to ground me.

On my second day (in a row) of practice, I attended a class that is a step up in skill level from my usual. It was an early evening class, and I really had no idea of what to expect, other than that my teacher told me I was ready for it. I showed up early, a wee bit nervous, and walked into a packed room. Way more packed than my smaller, more intimate class in the morning. I caught myself holding my breath. Thinking of bolting. I took a deep breath, and stepped inside. Now it was done. Once I'm in...I'm not backing out. I scanned for a spot, they were slim pickins...and I was thankful for showing up early. I got settled in, and the room filled up. They brought over a girl and put her between myself and my neighbor...we were close. I felt the twinge of claustrophobia. I breathed into it. We began practice, and all was good. I found myself thinking, I have been ready for this class. I am ready for this class. When we got to the seated positions, things changed...there was chaturanga between each and every asana. And I felt it. Practice that night kicked my booty. It challenged me in so many ways. And I made it through. As I lay in savasana at the end of class...I was flooded with these words - I am love. Absolutely every ounce of my being was flooded with the message that I am love. I was born love. And I continue to be. It's the way I move through life. Always have. Having so much to give. Sometimes struggling to find a way to. I found myself crying. When I got home that night I ordered a super mat. A mat that to me, means I am committed. An investment. In me. And how I want to show up in the world.

On my third day of practice (in a row), I decided to rearrange my day to attend a morning class. I showed up thinking that it was the same class as my usual class (my safe zone). We began practice and it wasn't until the seated postions came that I realized...holy shit! this is the harder class. A g a i n. I had that same moment of panic (again), and then as quickly as it came, it left. I continued to practice. And during this class I realized two things. One - that showing up is all that's required. I have the strength to make it through. And two (this one was interesting for me) - a realization about a story that I carry...In fact, I've talked about it here before. There's this place where I begin to wonder, or to feel as though I am being perceived as a weakling. As someone who only talks about the places that I struggle. And that sometimes I feel that others try (or feel the need to) boost me from this dreaded place. On the mat on the third day of practice, this message was given to me ~ it's a gift. It's a gift to be able to show your vulnerability. It's not a negative. It's in the postive column. It may make me feel raw, and exposed sometimes...and not feel like a gift at all, at times. But I received the message, and am now sitting with it. Soaking it in. Meditating on it.

And then my final and fourth day of practice...the big three hour workshop. A room full of 100 or so people. I was nervous. I sat in my car and breathed. I tried to decide whether I should bring my bag in. I got on facebook and left a message for an amazing little circle of lovelies. I wanted to create a vessel of safety for myself, and I knew they would hold space for me. I breathed some more. Got out of the car, and walked up to building....panic set in. Luckily the location was at the harbor. I walked over and looked at the water and breathed. Nothing grounds me more than the ocean. And I went in. As they were leading me to a spot I said that I was meeting a friend (from earlier in the week), and I looked down and there she was. I arrived just in time to be seated next to her. I settled in. And sat with all of it. The nervousness. The unknown. The energy in the room. The excitement. The fear. The ass kicking asanas. The wisdom of the teacher. The breath. The gratitude for my practice. And the love for me. For knowing what to do for myself. For remembering to breathe. For knowing how to set up a vessel of safety for myself. And for taking action. For showing up.

I think know we each possess this knowledge. We each know what to do to take care of ourselves. Sometimes it's easy to get lost inside of the fear, the mind, the anxiety, and the inner critic chimes in. Sometimes we lose sight of our own power. Sometimes it's scary to claim that power. But if we can find a way to show up. The answers are all there. The beautiful power that is in each of us. Is there. Wherever you are.

swept away by choice.

windswept (from above) - photo of me by me.

It's a rainy day here. I'm sitting here and listening to the sound of the drops, and realizing that I was swept away by the storm of this week. Feeling a little out of sorts. Feeling a little raw and tender. Just feeling. Sometimes I go to this place so deep inside that I don't move. I mean, I move through life...in a state of unfeeling. I get out of tune with what's going on within me, and autopilot kicks in. The thing that I am thankful for is that in the past, it would have taken me much longer to realize that this is the road I'm on. I'm grateful for the awareness that I now carry within me. That awareness brings with it a discomfort that I cannot ignore, and I'm choosing to look at it.

One part of the storm this week has been about making money. Being able to support myself in ways that fulfill me. Feeling pulled by money, and feeling resentful about how working for someone else makes me feel. Wanting something bigger for myself, and not being really clear about how to make that happen...leaves me feeling fackered up. Having hints and whispers of what I could do...having inklings and not following them, or trying them...leaves me feeling fackered up.

Honestly the other part of it - putting myself, my heart...out there to new friends, and kindred spirits is really a practice for me. I am so hungry for it, and want it with all of my heart. What I'm realizing, is that it's a challenge to stay open...to be open. To expose myself in such big ways to others. There is this small part of myself that's in cahoots with my inner critic, and together they whisper...it would be much safer for you to stay in the cocoon. The small box. If you allow yourself to dream too big, to reach out, to be yourself, you could get hurt.

And then there is this larger part...the part that's connected directly to my heart that says, you must. You must reach out. You must dream big. You must live big. You must allow the good things to come. You must stay open, because that is who you really are. You are directly connected to your heart. You are love. You are open. You can trust who you are. You are enough. You can trust connection. You can trust being seen. You are goodness and light, and if you show up as who you are...people will see that. And it's time baby girl.

Rather than being swept up by the storm, I am choosing to lean into the fears...and the bigness. I am in choice all of the time, and I choose to remember that. I choose to stay open. I choose to reach out. I choose to dream big. I choose to live big. I choose to allow goodness to come. I choose living from the heart. I choose love. I choose me. I choose connection. I choose goodness and light. I choose awareness. I choose this moment over and over again.

In this moment...what will you choose for yourself? I would love to know. To be witness to it. To see you and hear you. In holding space for you...it allows me to do the same for myself. Thank you for that gift. xo

perfectly me

I have so much swirling in me right now...so much I want to write about, talk about...The Create Stillness Retreat was amazing. So amazing. The women. The place. All of it. I have been sitting with all that happened on our weekend together...processing, and remembering the magic. I don't know that I have words for all of it yet, and my heart has been with those in Japan. So I'm not going to try today. I did find this note written to myself in my journal in June of 2010, and thought I would share it as a part of my love notes series.

i do not need to be more organized. be a better house keeper. be more outgoing. make faster decisions. make perfect decisions. do more of anything. be more of anything. make more of anything. make better anything, in order to be better. i am already perfect. perfectly me.

sharing stillness by the sea - shot by me

one thing I will say about this weekend, is that it was a very good reminder to be present to what is....and reading this love note to myself reminded me of that. what are you being present to today? are you feeling aware of your perfection?