Friday, March 25, 2011

swept away by choice.

windswept (from above) - photo of me by me.

It's a rainy day here. I'm sitting here and listening to the sound of the drops, and realizing that I was swept away by the storm of this week. Feeling a little out of sorts. Feeling a little raw and tender. Just feeling. Sometimes I go to this place so deep inside that I don't move. I mean, I move through a state of unfeeling. I get out of tune with what's going on within me, and autopilot kicks in. The thing that I am thankful for is that in the past, it would have taken me much longer to realize that this is the road I'm on. I'm grateful for the awareness that I now carry within me. That awareness brings with it a discomfort that I cannot ignore, and I'm choosing to look at it.

One part of the storm this week has been about making money. Being able to support myself in ways that fulfill me. Feeling pulled by money, and feeling resentful about how working for someone else makes me feel. Wanting something bigger for myself, and not being really clear about how to make that happen...leaves me feeling fackered up. Having hints and whispers of what I could do...having inklings and not following them, or trying them...leaves me feeling fackered up.

Honestly the other part of it - putting myself, my heart...out there to new friends, and kindred spirits is really a practice for me. I am so hungry for it, and want it with all of my heart. What I'm realizing, is that it's a challenge to stay be open. To expose myself in such big ways to others. There is this small part of myself that's in cahoots with my inner critic, and together they would be much safer for you to stay in the cocoon. The small box. If you allow yourself to dream too big, to reach out, to be yourself, you could get hurt.

And then there is this larger part...the part that's connected directly to my heart that says, you must. You must reach out. You must dream big. You must live big. You must allow the good things to come. You must stay open, because that is who you really are. You are directly connected to your heart. You are love. You are open. You can trust who you are. You are enough. You can trust connection. You can trust being seen. You are goodness and light, and if you show up as who you are...people will see that. And it's time baby girl.

Rather than being swept up by the storm, I am choosing to lean into the fears...and the bigness. I am in choice all of the time, and I choose to remember that. I choose to stay open. I choose to reach out. I choose to dream big. I choose to live big. I choose to allow goodness to come. I choose living from the heart. I choose love. I choose me. I choose connection. I choose goodness and light. I choose awareness. I choose this moment over and over again.

In this moment...what will you choose for yourself? I would love to know. To be witness to it. To see you and hear you. In holding space for allows me to do the same for myself. Thank you for that gift. xo


  1. It is so important to view your vulnerabilities as strength...and see that these are the things that make you uniquely YOU. and you are everything you mentioned above already. It is all in you, sweet girl. Just keep reminding yourself of your desire to live from your heart...and you will. In already are..even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. :)

  2. love windswept photo. and the flow of your words. thanx for sharing these reminders. i can SO relate to that feeling of wanting retraction away from the light to all that I have known... and habits that do not serve me any more... staying in my cocoon. so i have to push and reach even tho it might now always feel comfortable. in this moment i am choosing possibility and embracing the unknown. (gulp!) thank you dear friend! xo

  3. Ahhh...deep breath here. That was so lovely to read. I am glad to have found you my friend!

  4. I choose to be awake to my life. I choose to dream big and live big. I choose to follow my heart. I choose to be open to my emotions. I choose to love and to allow others to love me. I choose to love myself. I choose to trust.

  5. sara, sweetness. thank you for your words. I'm off to check in on mommy to be...

    jojo there is so much possiblity out there for you. I can't wait to see where it takes you.

    celina I will always breathe with you. thank you for being you.

    kat I can't tell you how happy I am to read your choices. They make every inch of my heart smile.

    I'm feeling so blessed to have such an amazing circle of women. You are each appreciated more than a whole heart full.


you are lovely. thanks for taking the time to comment.