freedom to play.

Last week I read and watched a few things online, and found myself feeling like I needed play. I think of myself as a pretty playful person...and yet, when I look at my days, I have a lot of rules set up around it (play, I mean). I've been looking at patterns and stories in my life a ton lately, noticing places where I believe one thing, and can clearly see another happening. As in the Play area of my life. I can be silly, creative, childlike, and joyful. And as much as all of that is true...I find the amount of space I allow into my life for those things to be small.

I was acutely aware of the need for play the other day after watching this video from a retreat that a couple of dear friends attended. I felt myself pouting. Not because I was feeling jealous about the retreat, but rather, because I was longing to have some fun. I wanted some of that. I can honestly say that in the past, I may have just sank in and thrown myself pity party. I could have gone down a road of thinking things like, I hardly ever have fun, or I want a girls trip, or I want permission to play. On this particular day, as I sat and thought about play, I was moved to take action, I wrote myself a permission slip. I consciously made a choice to make my own fun. I grabbed my phone to see if it had a self timer...and it does in fact, I'm happy to say! I set myself up in front of the window for some impromtu self portrait jump shots. Inspired by Vivienne and her You are Your Own Muse course.

I found myself giggling, breathing heavy, sweating, jumping, and jumping. And Jumping. In the end, I had a shot that I loved, and I also got a few shots that made me laugh even more. It was all about freedom of choice that day. And every day. It reminded me of my own power, and that it's something that I have access to all of the time. No time for pity parties, and wishing to do this or that.

Are you listening to yourself...what are you longing for more of? There is something to be said for making a tiny bit of space for what you are craving. Is it love? Is it creativity? Is it fun? Is it eating more greens? Is it writing? Is it exercise? Is it laying on the grass and looking at the clouds? The point is that you just get up and do it. Not whether you do it perfectly, or often/long enough, or have the right lighting. Or whether you look great while you are doing it. Perfect circumstances & conditions are not a requirement.

If you pay attention, and you are noticing it. That pull....the feeling of, I want some of that...Please do yourself a favor and spend five or ten minutes doing it, or some part of it. Impromtu, half assedly, thrown together, completely unplanned. Just. Get. To. It. You are so worth it. Yes YOU are.

I believe that {I want some of that} feeling, is where we are when we are feeling comparisons, and jealousy. And I think that is where the opportunity is to stand in our own power. Because there is nothing stopping each of us from having it, except ourselves. If we can sit in the feeling, and really look at where it comes from...it all goes back to me, or you...simply wanting some bit of that for ourselves. And that my friend is a beautiful thing...it's your higher self telling you what you need. Take heed, and listen.

What is your higher self telling you that you need more of in your life? Do tell....

Who's the Boss of You?

I could get lost looking for the perfect photo for this post. Or...I could just write it. Action is seeming to be the better choice for me today. And hopefully for the next hundred days or so. Why 100? I don't know, it just sounded good. In this moment, I will consider taking action for one minute a success! I have the tendency to hide out, go off the grid, hide under the radar, retreat, and avoid when I am feeling fear. What do I feel fear about? You name it. Painting, calling myself an artist, the unknown, letting myself be seen, owning my power, living big. I do notice that the fear has less power these days. I think I've finally got it's number. Yep, that's right, I do. It's a lie. All lies. Hiding behind it is getting me nowhere. And moving through it might just get me everywhere.

I am receiving HEAPS of information in Kelly Rae Roberts e-course flying lessons, and I could easily hide behind that. Use the overwhelm (which is a fabulous overwhelm, by the way) to sit in the midst of indecision, and inaction. But my heart says try something new, put it out there. Play, have some fun, create! Give yourself permission to go for it. I won't let the lies that fear tells me become truth. Not today. Today my truth is that I wrote up a schedule for myself, one that will allow me to make my dreams happen. A schedule that includes time for work, and time for play. A work schedule. Written by me (the boss) for me (the employee). How lucky am I that I have the opportunity to write my own schedule?

You see there's a part of me that resists strict schedules, any schedules really. I don't want to feel trapped, restricted, or stuck. At the same time, I recognize the fact that I may be using those phrases to stay trapped, restricted, and stuck. What?! Hang with me...I'm uncovering the truth here. The truth is that being my own boss is a privilege, and I feel really lucky. The truth is that I use feeling trapped by a schedule as a way to play small. The truth is that I haven't been as successful as I would like, because I use hating schedules as an excuse. The truth is that I need a schedule. And the truth is, I get to write it, so I can make it as flexible as I want it.

Things may always be a little free flowing with me, but who the H E doublehockeysticks says that a schedule can't be. It most certainly can be whatever works. Does working from 6 in the morning til 2 in the afternoon float your boat? Go for it. Do you want to work from 8 at night until 4 in the morning? Go for it. Do you want to work in your jammies? Do you want to wear stillettos at home...whatever floats your boat. Do you want to take your computer to the coffee shop and write? Do it. Sit by the pool with your laptop. It's yours. Create art on the grass in your backyard? Have at it! Maybe you have a full time job, and you don't have much time to create...find a few minutes here and there, and make it important. Believe in it's importance. Believe in your importance. Whatever the case, don't let fear keep you from living the life of your dreams.

I get caught up in thinking of schedules as a traditional 9 to 5, or something along those lines. And it doesn't have to be. So I am embracing my free flowiness this week, amidst a schedule. We'll see how it works, and if it doesn't, I'll adjust it. It may be something that is ever evolving, and that's ok too. I'm taking charge of the fear, the inaction, and moving toward my future (even if it's in baby steps). I am the boss afterall.