Tuesday, November 2, 2010

something I love about myself.

Day 2 - something I love about myself.

I’m struggling with writing this. Not because I can’t think of things that I love about myself (which makes me smile wide)…but because I am just plain struggling to write. So I am going to just cut to it, because participating in this 30 days is important to me.

The thing that stands out to me is my capacity to love. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. For me this means that, I can still see someone, through pain and hurt, through fucked up circumstances, through joy, and through everyday life. There is a part of me, a very deep part of me where love is so strong, that it sees through the shit that we all have, and is able to see the purest part of someone. I don’t know where it comes from. And I can’t say that others always understand it. In fact, it’s been questioned many times.

As my first marriage came to an end, I was asked time and time again, what I was thinking? What was wrong with me? How could I choose love for someone that had caused me so much pain? All I can say, is that I just did. The truth is, that he was a beautiful person who was never able to understand that he was amazing. He was tortured, charming, sensitive, complex, funny, loving, and more. Yes, he made choices that caused me immense pain, but he also made choices that cost him his life. It was during this time that I not only chose love for him, I also began to choose it for myself. It was back then, that I began to fall in love with me.

I’ve been in situations, over and over, where the person that someone really is…speaks to me more than the actions they are choosing. Not because I am letting them walk all over me, or I’m allowing them to behave badly. In fact, I have been known to begin the conversation when I’ve been hurt. There is just something that takes over…and the only way I can explain it, is my capacity to love. And I have to say, that I really love that about myself.

Today I am thankful for the right to vote. And have my voice heard.

30 days

1 comment:

you are lovely. thanks for taking the time to comment.