Day 3 - something I need to forgive myself for.
I need to forgive myself for running. Running from things that scared me. Things that felt too huge to handle. I ran when my Grandma was dying. I ran from my step daughter when my marriage ended. I ran when my ex husband died – I ran straight to distraction. Away from reality, and straight to the internet, and television. I left my new love to handle everything in our real everyday life. I left. Period. Physically I was here, but it wasn’t the same. It’s taken years to return home. Home to me.
Part of this is forgiving myself, and part of it is letting go of the story that I am a runner. A quitter. An abandoner. A person who hides from things. Because the truth is, I have also done my fair share of brave things. Big things. Scary things. And I’ve stayed and faced things head on. So there it is. Forgiveness and letting go. I think that it’s equal parts…you must be able to let go to forgive. I wish it was as easy as writing a permission slip. *here you go…forgiveness granted.
The good news is that my story is revealed. It’s out in the light, exposed and seen by me and now by you. Once it’s out there, all lit up, it’s easier to spot again. To see the truth. And that’s when the real forgiveness can begin. The story can be let go of, and the truth can be claimed.
Today I am thankful for the people in my life who listen to my stories, and who see my truth.
30 days
Dam, that was deep. And I could talk about this one for DAYS! You are a brave woman. Tellin yourself the hard truth and exposing yourself at risk of humiliation is the BESTEST thing a person on the path to joy and fulfillment can do!! It's a great muscle to stretch and I'm clappin for you. Take it from a runner and a truth teller. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAnd to take a lil more sting out of it 99% of us are runners. Look at our culture and how we distract ourselves with shopping, eating, drugs, marriage, divorce, tv...you name it. So don't feel too bad. Go on and forgive yourself. And don't worry if they do or not.
Here's your official if not so pretty one:
ReplyDeletePERMISSION SLIP & PRESCRIPTION
November 10, 2010
You are allowed to forgive yourself. Take two deep breaths every 30 minutes and write us in the morning.
;)
(Beautiful post)