fearless flourishing.

Happy 2011! I'm not sure if anyone comes here anymore. I haven't been. If you are here, I'll say thank you so much for hanging in with me. Even when I am quiet. My wish for everyone, is a year that's filled with as much beauty, fun, prospering, authenticity, and love as you can stand!

My word for the year was EXPAND, and that I did. What came as a surprise to me, was that a big part of that expansion was inward. Don't get me wrong...I did a fair share of things that I would not have ordinarily done. I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone quite a bit. The inward expanding was just an added bonus. The cherry on top. Something I did not expect.

I've been thinking about my word for the year, for the past few weeks. Maybe months. The one thing that I want more of in 2011 is Action. Though, I don't like the way Action feels as my word. The words that I've come up with so far are Flourish. Fertile. and Fearless.

FLOURISH is the one that feels most comfy. It fits like a glove. It encompasses all of what I'd like this year to be about.

to grow vigorously


Synonyms: burgeon (also bourgeon), flourish, prosper

Related Words: luxuriate, overgrow, proliferate, shoot up; germinate, root, sprout; bloom, flower, fruit, produce, propagate, regenerate, seed

from the merriam-webster thesaurus


FERTILE makes me feel a bit more uncomfortable (because as some of you may or may not know, I have been trying to get pregnant for about 6 years). However, I strongly believe that whether one ever has a baby, or not, does not determine ones fertileness as a human being. In this sense, it's a really good word for me. I want to be fertile in life. And I'm also wanting to embrace the concept of BEing fertile in every sense. I think that for a long time, I haven't even let it be a part of my vocabulary. My life. It's been a big, bad scary word. One that's been too scary to really embrace. That's going to change this year, whether it's my word or not.

FEARLESS is scary. Plain. old. scary. I have had some opportunities this last year that freaked me out. And in the past (at times, not always - I realize there is a story here), when I've been scared...I have frozen, hidden, or run. I want this year to be about action. I've said more than a few times that I'd like to grow a pair of youknowwhats this year. You do know what...dontcha? Fearless makes my knees knock. It makes me think - holyhell...does that mean that I will have to really be Fear.less.? Can I do it? Am I ready for it? In fact, my latest thought was...maybe that's next year's word. Maybe we need to Flourish a bit before we jump straight to Fearlessness. Yep, my brain goes there.

This is my dilemma. I tend to do the safe thing (see the last 3 sentences above). And the fact that FEARLESS makes me squirm a bit...gets me thinking. Maybe my word should make me a little uncomfy. Especially because I am trying to step out of doing the safe thing all of the time, and to begin doing more stepping into.

So here it is. My first brain dump of 2011. And have I come to a conclusion, after spilling it all? Can I say where I'm leaning?...My heart skips a beat at Fearless, and I think that's a good sign. I also really love the idea of Flourishing. That's all I've got. I promise not to stew over it too much longer. And I will certainly keep you posted. Maybe just maybe...I'll do some fearless flourishing.

As I last left this post, I was certain that FEARLESS was the right answer. I was thinking that it was right. That big and scary had to be the answer. After several hours have passed, I've had some quiet time, a walk with the dog, a shower (where I do some of my best thinking), and nourished myself with a little food. And through all of it was a knowing. To stand firm where I am. To allow myself to blossom from the very roots that I have been tending. That is what being fearless is to me right now. BEing where I am. Who I am. Is what I want for myself this year. To flourish. Bloom. Blossom. Sprout. Proliferate. Prosper. With fearless I am worried that I might just get lost in doing, and not BEing.  So there ya have it...it's official. FLOURISH it is. And her heart sings.....

:: In the interest of sharing some of my insanity with you, I decided not to edit this post, and make it seem like I was clear all along about my word. Or that I don't overthink things. Or take the easy way out. Sometimes I am all over the place. Sometimes I make myself crazy. Sometimes I take the path of least resistance. Sometimes I spin in circles until I collapse. Sometimes I am brave, and listen to the answers I already know. In the end, I'm always me - sometimes bubblegum, hearts and rainbows, sometimes dark and twisty lunatic. And I like it all. Especially now that I embrace it.