Monday, November 2, 2009

Blogging is Causing Me "Humps".

I have what I like to call "humps". That tension spot at the top of your shoulders, and base of your neck. The only thing that I can attribute it to, is the fact that I am putting myself out there more lately. I'm partcipating in NaBloPoMo , I've been tweeting , and I have been actively participating (commenting) on some of the blogs that I've lurked around for about 2 years now. And apparently it makes me tense.

I am working through it. So today's blog post may not be earth shatteringly good (are they ever?), or even remotely interesting to some...but it's where I'm at, and I am going to stick with it. The fear of rejection, or judgement, or worse... is what causes these "humps". I have had the desire to blog for a couple of years now, and I can find any number of reasons to talk myself out of it on any given day. I let myself swirl around in the unknowns - do I really have something of interest to say?. Get too caught up in details - how do I legally post pictures of products or things I'd like to talk about?. Feel like I need to have all of the answers, before I can begin - absolutely every question about posting, linking, tagging, commenting, seo, how do I balance personal and professional?. Let the worries about rejection creep in - will people like me?.

I'm open to change, and in fact, have been actively pursuing it in my life for quite a while now. I want to be more open, to fully embrace myself, and to be able to stand firmly in my truth. I don't know if these insecurities come from being a creative person, or if it's upbringing? Or a combination of things....I do notice that a lot of creatives have the same self doubt coursing through their veins. It always amazes me to hear an amazingly talented person, who still doubts their right to have good things happen, or who doesn't clearly see their worth. But I continue to hear it from others. And I continue to do it to myself.

Today I am going to embrace the beauty of it all (including the "humps"). I can acknowledge the tension as a sign of change, and keep moving forward. Maybe I will even celebrate the change, with a much needed neck massage! :)

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you are lovely. thanks for taking the time to comment.