a perfect circle.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

At the beginning of 2010 I found myself thinking about things I needed to let go of. My need for control. Expectations. Creating scenarios in my head – if I want this…x, y and z have to happen or be in place. If they aren’t it won’t happen....couldn’t possibly happen. Then an interesting shift happened, I began noticing some of the “shoulds” falling away. And embracing became it’s perfect counterpoint. Embracing abundance. Understanding that I am worthy exactly where I’m at – no list of conditions have to be met, to make me so. Wrapping my arms and mind around surrender, and what that looks like for me.


Letting go, and embracing go hand in hand - I feel as though I can't talk about one, without mentioning the other. If I give too much attention to the things that I think I need to let go of…the “shoulds” can take over. And let's face it...shoulds don’t get us anywhere, except in bed with our gremlins. Embracing what is, reminds me of the power of letting go in other ways. It’s like a perfect circle. Every time that I let go of something (whatever it is), I am opened up to embracing what is. And that’s where life (living) happens.

Much of my year has been focused on releasing things that don’t serve me. Relationships that no longer work. Expectations. Lists of conditions. Old stories that have lived on for years. And patterns of behavior fueled by those old stories. On the flip side, I've done a helluvah lot of embracing where I am. One thing I do know for sure, is that both of these things have opened up a tremendous amount of space in my life. And I’m excited to see what the work of this year, will bear fruit as in 2011.

something I need to forgive myself for.

Day 3 - something I need to forgive myself for.

I need to forgive myself for running. Running from things that scared me. Things that felt too huge to handle. I ran when my Grandma was dying. I ran from my step daughter when my marriage ended. I ran when my ex husband died – I ran straight to distraction. Away from reality, and straight to the internet, and television. I left my new love to handle everything in our real everyday life. I left. Period. Physically I was here, but it wasn’t the same. It’s taken years to return home. Home to me.

Part of this is forgiving myself, and part of it is letting go of the story that I am a runner. A quitter. An abandoner. A person who hides from things. Because the truth is, I have also done my fair share of brave things. Big things. Scary things. And I’ve stayed and faced things head on. So there it is. Forgiveness and letting go. I think that it’s equal parts…you must be able to let go to forgive. I wish it was as easy as writing a permission slip. *here you go…forgiveness granted.

The good news is that my story is revealed. It’s out in the light, exposed and seen by me and now by you. Once it’s out there, all lit up, it’s easier to spot again. To see the truth. And that’s when the real forgiveness can begin. The story can be let go of, and the truth can be claimed.

Today I am thankful for the people in my life who listen to my stories, and who see my truth.

30 days

The Story of Stepping In.

photo via Lin Pernille

I have been reading a ton about stories. You know the ones that belong to each of us? The ones we've claimed, woven into our lives, and let take root. If you wanted to live the life of your dreams...what story would that require you to give up? Or rather...what would story would you have to step into? A version of this question was recently posed by two people | Kate Swoboda who is doing a fabulous e-course called The Courageous Year, and Jamie Ridler via last weeks Wishcasting. I've been considering what stories I would have to give up or step  into. The first thing that comes up - is that I'd have to step into feeling deserving of all good and abundance. ouch. The second thing that comes up - is that I'd have to step completely into being an adult, and not letting this wounded little girl that dwells inside have so much power over my life. yeeps. Next in line - is that I'd have to acknowledge that I'm talented, creative and capable of making a living being all of those things. really? This is all stuff that I know, stuff that I own, and stuff that I'm ready to really look at. I've been glancing...now it's time to put on the night vision goggles and really have a good looksey.

For some reason the "stepping into" zings me a little more than the letting go. Perhaps because owning a new version of the story is uncharted territory?? It's so much easier to look at what you've already got, or already know. But there's a point where it becomes unbearable to accept staying stuck, to keep doing the same old thing, and to not use the tools in your toolbox. My body, soul, heart, and mind are all giving me the signal. Go ahead...step forward...and bring that wounded little girl with you. You know what to do. You'll both make it. And you will both be healed in the process.

What stories would you have to step into, or let go of to live your life fully? Have you already? And if not...what keeps you stuck?