wonderfull.

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

The two things that came to mind when I read todays prompt are | Play and Being Present.

Making time for more play, and allowing my silly side out a little more, have both been ways that have created much wonder throughout this last year. I grew up much faster than I should have, and to begin allowing time for play vs. respsonsibility (or what I've deemed as responsible over the years) has been really freeing.

When I'm present, wonder is all around. Colors more vibrant. Sounds more clear. Smells more intense. And the amazingness of the world is certainly more evident. I find myself breathing in life and what's around me. Looking for shapes in clouds. Noticing individual blades of grass, instead of a sea of green grass. Looking at my dog's eyelashes and how amazing they are. Appreciating trees for their unique characteristics. Listening to birds sing. Taking in people's individuality, and celebrating it.

Practicing play and being present are something that I've really worked at this year. And a sense of wonder is a magnificent side effect that I wasn't expecting. As I read through this post, what stood out to me is that I've paid a lot of attention to individuality, and uniquities - maybe that's the key to wonder...awareness of the things that make us, and the world around us, unique and connected at the same time.

:: This post is written as part of Gwen Bell's Reverb 10 - on the website, it's described as an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.

breathtaking moments.

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail - texture, smells, voices, noises, colors. (Author: Ali Edwards)

Feeling Alive ~

at the ocean :: salt. pure ocean air. crashing of waves. water gently kissing the shore. connection. seagulls. blues. greys. greens. white. pinks. purples. spray. collecting rocks. grains of sand. sea lions. people having conversations. dolphins. playing. wet. ease. life. quiet. home. fresh. words in the sand. meditation. solitude. peace.

when I'm playing :: free. silly. giddy. belly laughs. self confident. every color of the rainbow. skipping. twirling. snorts. abandon. awkward. fun. self conscious. dancing. powerful. making faces. connection. restoration. full heart. breath.

dancing in the kitchen with my love and our wonder pup :: singing. jingle of dog tags. an occasional bark. clapping. laughter. kisses. love. eukelele. breath. home. impromtu musical props. powerful. eau de labrador. dancing. giggles. authenticity. free. abandon.

cooking a meal with someone I love :: love. banter. garlic. onions. sauces. fragrant herbs. fills my nose. fills my heart. singing. wine. reds. greens. yellows. oranges. whites and cremes. purples. cold. collaboration. wood. chopping. heat. shredding. kneading. steam. steel. messy hands. connection. breath. full hearts. full bellies.

squishy down filled blankets, pillows and talking :: fluffy. cozy. squishy. words. laughter. confessions. quiet. breath. safety. heavy. lighthearted. dream sharing. warmth. open. serious. trust. giggles. gentleness. connection. authenticity. essence. soft. truth. intimacy.

on the yoga mat :: breath. chanting. vidwan incense. singing bowls. quiet. peace. power. trust. warmth. rest. stretching. balance. meditation. flow. heat. music. now. challenge. breath. softness. gentle. mindfulness. squishy mats. wood on bare feet. connection. personal. back to breath.

paints, art supplies, and messy hands :: gel medium. paint. wood. canvas. brushes. stroke. music. random. shiny. matte. every color of the rainbow. fibers. smooth. full heart. gooey. bumpy. rough. flow. free. rush. dry. wet. balance. out of my head. challenge. breath. messy hands. permission to have fun.

in the presence of trees :: the smell of soil. leaves rustling. rough. smooth. gnarled. life. fresh air. connection. birds singing their songs. breezes. crunch. sparkle. glisten. shadows. breath. full heart. beauty. uniqueness. grace. strength. movement.

listening to a song that touches my soul :: swelled heart. chords. voices. rhythm. beauty. soaring. movement. flow. breath. tingle. rush. flood. happiness. nostalgia. connection. peace. sadness. home. joy. memories. knowing. singing. release.

having a good cry :: tears. cold on my cheeks. sobs. laughter. messy. truth. feeling deeply. breath. runny nose. snot. tightening. free. flood. soft tissue. forgiveness. music. memories. sadness. happiness. flashbacks. heartbreak. flow. celebration. wet. ugly. beautiful. release.

curled up on the sofa with my four legged baby :: softly snoring. warmth. furry. eau de labrador. breath. velvet ears. accepted. full hearts. love. connection. heart beats. safe. knowing. truth. adored. chocolate brown. pink. grey. authenticity. purity. in the moments when his head is on my chest, I can imagine what a mother's love for her child must feel like.

shopping for treasures at a flea market :: thrill. memories. pounding heart. swirly. over stimulation. beauty. colors everywhere. porcelain. threads. paper. cracks. tattered edges. well loved. imagining previous owners. calm. stories. photographs. milk glass. art. jewelry in all shapes and sizes. recycled bottles. cameras. vintage beauty.

when I'm present and listening :: words. essence. authenticity. trust. patience. presence. love. respect. truth. breath. beauty. the sound of your voice. connection. giving. quiet. laughter. tears. snorts. purity. full heart. amazed. thankful. honored.

speaking the truth even though I'm scared shitless :: trembling. heart pounding. bile. flushed. power. weakness. authenticity. truth. breath. tingle. strength. tension. free. release. rush. flash. trust. peace. lighter.

Couldn't boil it down to one moment. There are just too many that take my breath away.

:: This post is written as part of Gwen Bell's Reverb 10 - on the website, it's described as an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.

structure, schedules, and bears...oh my!

December 2 Writing.

What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

When I saw today's prompt...my mind went into whirl mode. I have a feeling this post is going to be more whirl than substance. I'm going to let it be whatever it is. The point of it is to show up.

Time management is something that I've always had some trouble with, and I know there are definitely time suckers in my life. The television, and computer are two of the biggest. I spent a good portion of this year trying different schedules, and tools to see if I could find anything that felt right. The closest I've come to something that works are the monthly planners from Charlie Gilkey of Productive Flourishing.

I resist too much structure, though I need to have some, to get anything done. This is such a simple prompt, but it brings up a lot of ick for me. The simple answer is that I could eliminate some of my tv watching and that would free up time for writing, and my other creative pursuits. The longer answer is that I crave some structure, and want to find balance between my freespiritedness and having a schedule. On a deeper level, I didn't have structure as a child; I was a good kid, and made my way through. It's simply something that I didn't learn. This is where my compassion kicks in... and I remind myself that it can still be learned. I did fine when I was working for someone else. Where I notice it most, is in working for myself. At times I feel like a lost little girl, in a creative entrepreneur's body. And all I can do is be where I am.

:: This post is written as part of Gwen Bell's Reverb 10 - on the website, it's described as an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.

*I was over at unabashedly female (because Julie is amazing), and read this post that is the antithesis of this one, and makes sense of why I was feeling so icky about writing this post. Here's the link.

an investment in me.



Last year I participated in Gwen Bell's blog challenge, and it was a transformative experience for many reasons. The time to reflect on the year was so good. And meeting so many amazing people, has absolutely changed my life and expanded my world beyond what I could have ever imagined. So here we are on day one.

I chose Expand as my word for 2010, and as it turns out, I did. Today's prompt asks us to encapsulate our year in one word, and Expand rings true...so I'm sticking with it!

After several years of major change, and having moved into a cocoon like phase, I was ready for growth, expansion, and stretching beyond all of my comfort zones. I started the year by participating in * The Courageous Year with Kate Swoboda. I took Flying Lessons with Kelly Rae Roberts. I became a Fire Starter with Danielle LaPorte. I worked with the amazeballs Michelle Ward, the When I Grow Up Coach. I did 30 days of yoga - the karma edition, with Marianne Elliott. And I've been rounding out the year with Vivienne McMaster in her self portrait e-course You AreYour Own Muse (this really put a magnifying glass on my comfort zone, in ways that I am still exploring). The reason that I mention all of these things first, is because in the past I wouldn't have thrown myself into so many things, with so many unknowns. It was a challenge for me to put myself out there. To participate. To allow myself to be seen and heard. And it was gooood. Really good. Also, on a deeper level...participating in all of these things, was about self care. And understanding that I am worth it.

I was reminded that we are all more alike than different, and have connected with more like minded souls than I can even wrap my brain around. With the interwebs...I now have friends all over the world. And have made friendships that I know will last a lifetime. How amazing is that? I've had trust issues exposed, and have been faced with moving through that. More expanding happened when I stopped talking about yoga, and began a practice. I love it so much, I really could marry it. 

I've practiced more stillness, and self care in the last year than I have ever. E v e r. Finding myself in situations where I'm able to practice being present, and able to compassionately see my inner child and her feelings and make choices based on that, has been a world rocker for me. Reactionary choices based on the feelings of my inner wounded child doesn't feel powerful. Feeling the feelings, knowing where they come from, and stepping into choice as the adult me...is. One of the most powerful things I have ever felt, in fact.

Expansion has been present in every crack and crevice of this year. Even in the small bits. The quiet moments. When I was BEing right where I was at. The times when it felt like nothing was happening. At. All. As I sit and reflect on the year...it's really been amazing. In retrospect, this year has been about investing in myself. And what better of an investment is there...really? I actually expanded my way into seeing and embracing my own worth.

*I chose to add all of the links above because these people, e-courses, and coaching etc. have played a big part in my 2010. I truly believe in the value and worth of them, and what they bring to the world. I also included them, because prior to this year...I would have used every excuse about money & time that I could come up with to not participate. This past year, I made me important enough and what I needed showed up. Each and every time.



Making it Through.

I have been crazed for the the last couple of weeks. The ugly truth of it, is that I was unprepared and unorganized. I've been making my rings and it's not a full blown business yet, so I was unprepared for the busyness of it all. The rush kicked my butt a bit. That in conjunction with my darling husband turning 40, and trying to throw him a surprise party on Christmas night nonetheless, also helped with the butt kicking.

The holiday boutiques, the scheduling, the production time... was and is all new to me. All proceeds went to both Christmas and the party, and not knowing what the proceeds would actually be...added to my craziness. I was a ring making machine, all consumed. Next year, I will be entering the holiday season with with a definite plan of attack, and earlier than I thought I needed to this year. Once I got through the last of the boutiques, I went into full blown birthday mode! I ran around picking up the cake, decorations, beverages, food, etc. While spinning tales and misleading my husband all the way. The good news is that the party went off without a hitch (a few hiccups, of course!). And we survived Christmas. The next morning we headed to Vegas to celebrate a dear friend's 40th birthday. Tired yes. Exhausted yes. Happy Yes. Fun Yes. Happy it's over?...Yes.

Through it all, the one thing that I have been feeling a bit melancholy about, is not keeping up with the Gwen Bell's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge . I have the tendancy to create hurdles for myself. I create expectations for myself. I let the gremlins creep in and whisper mean things. And I was starting down the road. You know the one?... Or do you? That long and winding road. It takes me to a place at the bottom of a steep hill, the place from which if I allow myself to, I can look up and think about what I should have done. What I could have done. And how far of a climb it will be to get back to where I was. Though this time...I thwarted those pesky gremlins! I felt it for a few moments, and then decided that it's all been worth it. If I could go back and do it all again...sure I would be more organized, more prepared. I would blog every single day. I would have allowed for some more breathing time for myself. But in the end the outcome is all that really matters. And I did it. I made it through. I enjoyed myself most of the time. I threw a kick ass surprise party. I got to spend quality time with friends and family. And I asked for help when I needed it - that is huge.

So in this moment. I am happy with where I'm at. Will I finish out the rest of the #best09 challenge? I plan to. But if I don't make it, will I be any less? No.  Hot damn...does that feel good! I am liking the way 2010 is looking already.

My Best Project of 2009. Me.

December 21. Project. What did you start this year that you're proud of?

Things have been strange this year. I was contracting myself to another designer throughout '08, and for the first several months of this year. Things had slowed down so much for her business that we all took a hiatus for a few weeks. And that few weeks has turned into months. Normally I would have panicked, but this time I made a conscious decision to enjoy the moment. Embrace the time. Do something new. Spend time with friends.

I started with a sewing class. I discovered that I am not bad at it! In fact I actually enjoy it, and really enjoy sewing zippers in. Why that is, I'm not sure...but I love me some zippers! I also started making rings this year. I opened an etsy shop . I went with things a little more than usual. I struggled with the details of starting a business. I tried to jump in and not worry about all of the minute details. I challenged myself to step out of the shadows, to interact with people more. I practiced being present. I trusted that what I needed would be provided, even if I wasn't sure exactly how. I got back to exercising. I ate healthier (that is until the holidays snuck up on me). I forgave others. I'm starting to forgive myself. I took time to breathe. I enjoyed the beauty of  nature. I started a blog. I started to step into my authenticity - into "me".

I guess the project that I started this year, the thing that I am most proud of, is a little project called "me". I think that 2010 is going to be a continuation of what was begun in '09. And I'm looking forward to diving in head first, with complete abandon!

* this post is part of Gwen Bell's - The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge

Best Car Ride of 2009.

December 19.  Car ride of 2009. What did you see? How did it smell? Did you eat anything as you drove there? Who were you with? This prompt is part of  Gwen Bell's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge. A look back at my personal "bests" of 2009.

This feels like cheating...but it really was my best car ride of 2009! 

The only thing that I think will hold a candle to it, will happen after today (actually after Christmas). We will be road tripping it to Vegas with our friends...how can that not be fun? Right? Two couples on a road trip = double the fun. At least that's how I am envisioning it! And since I haven't lived it yet....the other car ride is definitely it.

Best Blog Discoveries of 2009.

December 7 Blog find of the year. That gem of a blog you can't believe you didn't know about until this year.

Being a designer I've had an unending list of design inspired blogs that I regularly read; however this was a year of personal growth and admiration for women who are open, courageous, and authentic. Because of that, there are so many new blogs that I discovered this year {in fact, this is a gentle reminder to get a full list of my faves up on olive & hope}. One of the coolest things ever is discovering a new blog! I have a long list of those I religiously read, but of course...the question is best of 2009. So here we go. A few of the blogs I found this year, and sometimes wonder, what was life like before I found them??

lisa field-elliot of doorways traveler  amazing, raw, inspired, beautiful

Brene Brown of Ordinary Courage how did I live without reading your blog??

Melissa of  Operation Nice  The do-gooder in me loves you.

amanda oaks and jenn gibson of kind over matter always full of kind minded good stuff.

Valentina Ramos of feeling inspired  Your artwork makes me smile, and so does your spirit.

Gwen Bell of gwenbell.com - Big Love in a Small World You inspire me to take on the world. Perhaps while wearing a sassy dress and drinking a good beer.

These are just a few of the blogs that I fell in love with this year. My heart is full of admiration for all of the talented, brave, open, perfectly imperfect and exceptionally fabulous women I have discovered this year.  I am looking forward to another year with all of my current blog loves (both old and new), and to a new year of blog finds.