swept away by choice.

windswept (from above) - photo of me by me.

It's a rainy day here. I'm sitting here and listening to the sound of the drops, and realizing that I was swept away by the storm of this week. Feeling a little out of sorts. Feeling a little raw and tender. Just feeling. Sometimes I go to this place so deep inside that I don't move. I mean, I move through life...in a state of unfeeling. I get out of tune with what's going on within me, and autopilot kicks in. The thing that I am thankful for is that in the past, it would have taken me much longer to realize that this is the road I'm on. I'm grateful for the awareness that I now carry within me. That awareness brings with it a discomfort that I cannot ignore, and I'm choosing to look at it.

One part of the storm this week has been about making money. Being able to support myself in ways that fulfill me. Feeling pulled by money, and feeling resentful about how working for someone else makes me feel. Wanting something bigger for myself, and not being really clear about how to make that happen...leaves me feeling fackered up. Having hints and whispers of what I could do...having inklings and not following them, or trying them...leaves me feeling fackered up.

Honestly the other part of it - putting myself, my heart...out there to new friends, and kindred spirits is really a practice for me. I am so hungry for it, and want it with all of my heart. What I'm realizing, is that it's a challenge to stay open...to be open. To expose myself in such big ways to others. There is this small part of myself that's in cahoots with my inner critic, and together they whisper...it would be much safer for you to stay in the cocoon. The small box. If you allow yourself to dream too big, to reach out, to be yourself, you could get hurt.

And then there is this larger part...the part that's connected directly to my heart that says, you must. You must reach out. You must dream big. You must live big. You must allow the good things to come. You must stay open, because that is who you really are. You are directly connected to your heart. You are love. You are open. You can trust who you are. You are enough. You can trust connection. You can trust being seen. You are goodness and light, and if you show up as who you are...people will see that. And it's time baby girl.

Rather than being swept up by the storm, I am choosing to lean into the fears...and the bigness. I am in choice all of the time, and I choose to remember that. I choose to stay open. I choose to reach out. I choose to dream big. I choose to live big. I choose to allow goodness to come. I choose living from the heart. I choose love. I choose me. I choose connection. I choose goodness and light. I choose awareness. I choose this moment over and over again.

In this moment...what will you choose for yourself? I would love to know. To be witness to it. To see you and hear you. In holding space for you...it allows me to do the same for myself. Thank you for that gift. xo

perfectly me

I have so much swirling in me right now...so much I want to write about, talk about...The Create Stillness Retreat was amazing. So amazing. The women. The place. All of it. I have been sitting with all that happened on our weekend together...processing, and remembering the magic. I don't know that I have words for all of it yet, and my heart has been with those in Japan. So I'm not going to try today. I did find this note written to myself in my journal in June of 2010, and thought I would share it as a part of my love notes series.

i do not need to be more organized. be a better house keeper. be more outgoing. make faster decisions. make perfect decisions. do more of anything. be more of anything. make more of anything. make better anything, in order to be better. i am already perfect. perfectly me.

sharing stillness by the sea - shot by me

one thing I will say about this weekend, is that it was a very good reminder to be present to what is....and reading this love note to myself reminded me of that. what are you being present to today? are you feeling aware of your perfection?

inner peace.

This quote was shared by my yoga teacher yesterday morning. I searched the interwebs to find it and wanted to share it with you. The amazing thing is that as I drove down there, I was feeling each of these things. Hearing the quote confirmed it. Inner Peace. *cue angels singing* I feel blessed to encounter it for as long as it stays. Knowing that it's a practice, and that it will slip away again...and again. All I can do is trust that it will always find it's way home.

SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE

by Saskia Davis

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many already have been exposed; and it is possible that people, everywhere, could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what, up to now, has been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Signs & Symptoms of Inner Peace

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences


An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment


A loss of interest in judging other people


A loss of interest in judging self


A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others


A loss of interest in conflict


A loss of ability to worry (a very serious symptom)


Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation


Contented feelings of connectedness with others & nature


Frequent attacks of smiling (through your eyes and from your heart) - this bit was added in the quote yesterday, not sure if it's part of the original. I personally think it's a perfect addition.


An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen


An increased susceptibility to love extended by others, and the uncontrollable urge to extend it


WARNING~
If you have some or all of the above symptoms, be advised that your condition of inner peace may be too far advanced to be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk. © 1984

A little thinking aloud :: I'm happy if they come one at a time. The more often each of these individual feelings shows up...they are lighting the path toward inner peace. And one day we will find ourselves standing in the midst of it. {If we are open to it}. What do you think? Is that how inner peace shows up for you?

Some things that I am thrilled about right now:

above is the moodboard we created for the women's shelter that a friend and I are designing. It's a completely pro bono job, and we are responsible for providing everything in the room, so it may not look exactly like this. But, it's the look we are going for. We already have 2 of the things on the board - the floral fabric on the left side is our main fabric (and where are color scheme is being pulled from), and the yellow keep calm and carry on poster was donated by Victoria at sfgirlbybay. We are looking for donations for everything in the room: twin size headboard, all bedding, pillows, lamps, artwork, desk, desk chair, bedside tables, dresser, paint, accessories, window treatments, etc. We hope to make the room a lovely haven for the women who will live in it during their time of transition. It will be a happy space full of aqua, yellow, hot pink, and some purple (along with some white and neutrals of course).

The premier (Feb. 26) of Secrets from a Stylist on HGTV!! I can't wait for this. Emily Henderson rocks my socks. I've always felt strongly about pulling colors, style, etc. out of someone's wardrobe and translating that into their home. Emily draws from that too. Mixing styles, and adding in quirkiness...her show is so right up my alley.

Attending an upcoming retreat - Creating Stillness. It's next weekend! So this time next week I will be inhaling sea air and eucalyptus, breathing a lot, unplugging, and BEing with a fabulous group of women. I cannot wait. Seriously.

I signed up for a yoga workshop with Tim Miller. I knew deep down that yoga was for me...I just didn't know how much it would mean to me. How much it would change me. *Off the workshop literature - "Traditionally yoga practice is designed as a "work in" method to penetrate and heal the body, to bring clarity and calmness to the mind, and ultimately to reconnect us with our own immortal Soul. In this workshop we will explore the inner landscape through a systematic and progressive practice of asana, pranayama, mantra and meditation."* I will be waiting about a month for this one...patiently waiting....

I'm feeling full of gratitude for where I am. Whether I'm feeling fear, or fearlessness, and sometimes both...I am happy to be here. Open to whatever comes, and feeling buoyed by the swell that I feel moving in my life right now.

my new art supply storage

happy friday!

I'm sitting here breathing in every ounce of this lovely Friday morning. It's chilly outside, the birds are singing, and I'm very aware of my breath. I moved some furniture around in my house, and it's amazing what one simple change can do. My art/work space (studio) has been our dining room table, which is open to our living space. No room for storage, so when I get my art supplies out - they are everywhere! It's a process to put them away, and pull them back out again. It involves some deep thought on my part. And frankly, sometimes I let it keep me from creating. I told C that I wanted to push our table up against the wall and use it more as a studio table (he was unconvinced).

On Wednesday something came over me, and I took matters into my own hands. I started moving things around...and something shifted in me. I was excited, motivated, and planning some needed additions to my new studio space. Some storage, a change to the wall above my table - an inspiration board (where I can pin ideas, and things that inspire me), a collection of art, some wall bins, and a mirror (because my back is to the rest of the room - and this is bad feng shui, and I definitely don't want that). I found this storage piece at a flea market, I loved it, and thought I was going to resell it (that's it above...made by singer for sewing storage - now going to house paint and other art making tools). Since I've been painting more, it dawned on me that it could solve one of my creative blocks...if I store some of my art supplies in it. The ones that I use most often...then they will be easier to access! {and it tucks easily under my table}. Meaning, that I am making it easy for myself. Ah grasshoppah...you have been a good student.

I will post some pics of my space as it develops. I feel so good about it. I finally have a space to work, create, write and BE, that makes me feel inspired. Oh, and a little side note - C has been converted! He is thrilled for me and my little space.

Do you have any of those things in your life that create obstacles or blocks for you? Whether it's a storage/organizational thing, or simply moving some furniture around. What one change could you make today to make it a little easier for you? The tiniest things can create a ripple effect.

a little note from the universe.

Every once in a while I pick up my copy of Notes from the Universe by Mike Dooley...today was one of those days that I did. The Note I read was so good, I thought I'd share ~

Today, you will be challenged.

Challenged by the grand illusion.

Tempted to look to time, space, and all things material for understanding; to judge your place in the world; and to make decisions about your life.

Fight it.

Go within.

Remember the magic.

Be vigilant.

Good right?...had to share it with you. I couldn't resist! Today I had rainy day schedule, and on the agenda was painting and music. That was my main priority. I painted, sang, shook my booty, walked the dog in the drizzle, did a couple of things for the women's shelter I'm designing a room for, and got some household duties done too. Amazing that when my priorities are in line, how much more I actually get done. *note to self...remember this.

:: you can also sign up for daily notes from the universe delivered right to your inbox...(it's pretty fantastic), I linked it to Mike's name above.

day of love.

today is all about love and {like Oprah}, it's my brand. On this Valentine's Day...I'm sharing a little with you ~

you are loved.

you matter.

and quite frankly...I am ever so happy you exist.

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