Thinking of birthdays, and celebrating me. Honoring myself isn't always easy. I am three weeks away from entering a new decade, and so I will celebrate where I've been, and what is yet to come. All things big and small.
This year, there is a bit of sacredness around my birthday. There is both tenderness, and hope. There are tears, and happiness. I'm embracing it all, and am ready to look forward to what's ahead. I'm going to be taking a road trip to Northern California with C, and spending a couple of days in San Fran. Enjoying the coast all the way - up and back down again. This year, more than parties, I long for circling up with those that I love, and celebrating life as it is. Intimacy, and love. That's where I'm at. Oh....and I also long for shoes. And boots. I've been feeling a little obsessed lately. I think I will be doing some shopping while in SF so if you've got any great spots, please share.
This weeks five things, celebrate me.
I went to school for interior design and paid for it myself, despite not being supported or understood by my family. They didn't think I could make any money doing it. I did it anyway.
I've always had my own sense of style. I've gotten a lot of "that's so you" in my lifetime. When I was younger it hurt me sometimes. Now, I say thank you.
I can make a mean turkey meat loaf. In fact, C said when he got home today, that he could eat it everyday. I have a couple of meals that I do well, and I take pride in them.
I am not, nor ever will I ever be interested in spending so much of my time cleaning that I have no time for fun. Fun always wins out. And because we don't love living in a mess, we work it out. I like this about myself.
While I am no domestic diva, my house is filled with love. And that's something I can celebrate.
It's amazing how hard I had to think to come up with this list. My darling little inner critic chiming in...now you don't want anyone to think that you're too full of yoursef, so be careful. I hear you dear one. And while I'll admit that I walked the safe line, I'm happy that I did it anyway.
What things about yourself do you celebrate? And is it hard for you? I'd love to know.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
We All Have Our Own S#@t.
I left the house this morning in sweats, and a baseball cap hoping to make it to Costco before it got crowded. As I turned the corner onto a main street along the way, a truck came barreling up behind me. The driver got angry, swerved into the lane to the left of me, and then....just about took off the front end of my car while swerving back in front of me. I have to admit, it pissed me off. I was irritated, and shaken by the aggression that was shown. I moved over a lane, and as I came to a stop at the light, the truck started backing up, I rolled my window down, and so did he. "What did you say bitch?" is what came out of his mouth, I had said nothing yet. But my adrenaline was pumping, and I said, "You need to get a grip".
I was not prepared for what happened next. He screamed at me. And screamed at me. And called me names. And called me more names based on judgements he made about me. And as this was unfolding, I said quietly to myself - oh. I get it now. In that moment I felt so much compassion for him. All I could see was his anger. His face all twisted up and red. His rage. And I knew that it could not possibly be directed at me. This was something deeper. Luckily, the light changed. He got in front of me, and slowed way down, and flailed his arms, and looked like he was still screaming. I stayed back as far as I could, until he sped away. And I shook for about an hour afterward.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about him all day. I've been wondering what must be going on in his life to make him act out that way. I have been sending loving thoughts, and peaceful energy his way. One of the things that I wished I would've done differently is to not engage him. To not have rolled down my window, and said anything. As I write those words, I also can't help but wonder if I was supposed to have that interaction...maybe he needed a little good energy sent his way today.
We never know what is going on with someone. And it's so easy to get caught up in emotions. To call names, and to judge people. We are all people. Flesh. Bones. Hearts. Souls. What if we could just remember that all people are more alike than different? Remember that we all have things going on in our lives. What if we could separate from political ideals, from skin color, from gender, from sexual orientation, from social class, from religious beliefs? And just remember that we all have our own shit. Our own happinesses. Our own heartbreaks. Our own challenges. Our own victories. Our own defeats. And remember that the only thing that really matters is love for one another. Love for another human being, no matter what.
I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight until I wrote about this. I have to say thank you to this man, this human being. For making me feel today. And for making me think. And for giving me the opportunity to love.
I was not prepared for what happened next. He screamed at me. And screamed at me. And called me names. And called me more names based on judgements he made about me. And as this was unfolding, I said quietly to myself - oh. I get it now. In that moment I felt so much compassion for him. All I could see was his anger. His face all twisted up and red. His rage. And I knew that it could not possibly be directed at me. This was something deeper. Luckily, the light changed. He got in front of me, and slowed way down, and flailed his arms, and looked like he was still screaming. I stayed back as far as I could, until he sped away. And I shook for about an hour afterward.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about him all day. I've been wondering what must be going on in his life to make him act out that way. I have been sending loving thoughts, and peaceful energy his way. One of the things that I wished I would've done differently is to not engage him. To not have rolled down my window, and said anything. As I write those words, I also can't help but wonder if I was supposed to have that interaction...maybe he needed a little good energy sent his way today.
We never know what is going on with someone. And it's so easy to get caught up in emotions. To call names, and to judge people. We are all people. Flesh. Bones. Hearts. Souls. What if we could just remember that all people are more alike than different? Remember that we all have things going on in our lives. What if we could separate from political ideals, from skin color, from gender, from sexual orientation, from social class, from religious beliefs? And just remember that we all have our own shit. Our own happinesses. Our own heartbreaks. Our own challenges. Our own victories. Our own defeats. And remember that the only thing that really matters is love for one another. Love for another human being, no matter what.
I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight until I wrote about this. I have to say thank you to this man, this human being. For making me feel today. And for making me think. And for giving me the opportunity to love.
Friday, September 3, 2010
It's Been a Wild Week.
5 things I'm grateful for this week -
watching my pup in the side mirror of the car, with his ears and his lips flapping in the wind.
time to read, and the peace and quiet that came along with it.
the opportunity to see the issues I have with setting healthy boundaries.
y o g a.
the support of good friends. friends who care about you, and your well being. out of pure love.
Where have you been this week? And what are you grateful for?
photo {source}
Friday, August 27, 2010
you can do anything.
This was shared via facebook this morning by Danielle Fraser, and WOW is it good stuff! The things we know as kids, and forget along the way....
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Hello Friday.
I'm sitting here looking back on my week so far, and I'm feeling grateful for my phone's camera. I snapped more photos this week than I have in a long time...and I'm so happy I did! This week's 5 {8} things is going to be in photos....(ok, so half of them). My week has been full of so many blessings.
My funniest moment of the week. I tried to tweet about this incident, but it was really hard to convey in 140 characters. I got the biggest and best belly laugh. It started with me running an errand, and I wanted to take the pup along. I put him in the backseat, and noticed the trash cans needed to be pulled in (glamorous real life detail), so I ran out and did that. I promptly hopped in the car and drove off....It wasn't until I was halfway to my destination that I became aware of the pup acting strangely, and noticed the golf clubs in the back seat (with the dog!).
I called him up to the front seat...thinking that he would sit on his butt and ride like the gentleman that he is (most of the time), and he simply could not wrap his brain around sitting (actually sitting down) in that seat. So he rode like this the whole way, with me laughing and laughing, and trying to explain sitting in the passenger seat to him. This was the best shot I could get, since he is so big and I was so close.
Me just moments after checking into the hotel on our mini vacation. On the deck of the balcony...breathing in the ocean air.
Sitting outside at the hotel restaurant, and enjoying happy hour with friends. Sun kissed cheeks, the sound of the ocean, conversation, cocktails, and laughter. Nuf said.
Me the day after we returned home. Working on a painting (which is calling me back to finish as I write this). I was feeling the call of duty and responsibility...unpacking, house cleaning, e-course work, etc. and yet the whisper to paint was greater. So I went with my heart. Resumed work on two canvases in progress, and one that was blank and waiting for love. It was a very good choice.
The other great part of my week, has been feeling the urge to dabble in design again. It's calling me, and I'm happily looking at ways that will work for me. One of which is to hold a local sale with a fellow design friend...featuring some of the flea/vintage finds I am collecting! (note to self...snap photos while out shopping).
I also had a chance to reflect on, acknowledge, and let go of an old story. We were driving near UCSD, and I was reminiscing about being on campus with an old friend. I remember feeling a sense of reverance standing in a lecture hall, loving the beauty of the campus, and wishing I could go there. This made me remember a similar experience on the campus of UCSB. The tears flowed. I was telling C that I always wanted to go to University, and that I just don't think that I believed that I deserved it. I let the tears fall, and I said...I'm sad for that girl. And I am so happy that today I know that she did, and I do.
Getting some love notes/tweets from happy ring purchasers. Oh, how I love that. It makes me happy to know that so many amazing women are out there wearing my rings.
Oh...and reconnecting with people you love on facebook (Chloe). Highlight of the week for sure!
I hope that your week has been full of blessings, realizations, belly laughs, and connecting with people you love.
My funniest moment of the week. I tried to tweet about this incident, but it was really hard to convey in 140 characters. I got the biggest and best belly laugh. It started with me running an errand, and I wanted to take the pup along. I put him in the backseat, and noticed the trash cans needed to be pulled in (glamorous real life detail), so I ran out and did that. I promptly hopped in the car and drove off....It wasn't until I was halfway to my destination that I became aware of the pup acting strangely, and noticed the golf clubs in the back seat (with the dog!).
I called him up to the front seat...thinking that he would sit on his butt and ride like the gentleman that he is (most of the time), and he simply could not wrap his brain around sitting (actually sitting down) in that seat. So he rode like this the whole way, with me laughing and laughing, and trying to explain sitting in the passenger seat to him. This was the best shot I could get, since he is so big and I was so close.
Me just moments after checking into the hotel on our mini vacation. On the deck of the balcony...breathing in the ocean air.
Sitting outside at the hotel restaurant, and enjoying happy hour with friends. Sun kissed cheeks, the sound of the ocean, conversation, cocktails, and laughter. Nuf said.
Me the day after we returned home. Working on a painting (which is calling me back to finish as I write this). I was feeling the call of duty and responsibility...unpacking, house cleaning, e-course work, etc. and yet the whisper to paint was greater. So I went with my heart. Resumed work on two canvases in progress, and one that was blank and waiting for love. It was a very good choice.
The other great part of my week, has been feeling the urge to dabble in design again. It's calling me, and I'm happily looking at ways that will work for me. One of which is to hold a local sale with a fellow design friend...featuring some of the flea/vintage finds I am collecting! (note to self...snap photos while out shopping).
I also had a chance to reflect on, acknowledge, and let go of an old story. We were driving near UCSD, and I was reminiscing about being on campus with an old friend. I remember feeling a sense of reverance standing in a lecture hall, loving the beauty of the campus, and wishing I could go there. This made me remember a similar experience on the campus of UCSB. The tears flowed. I was telling C that I always wanted to go to University, and that I just don't think that I believed that I deserved it. I let the tears fall, and I said...I'm sad for that girl. And I am so happy that today I know that she did, and I do.
Getting some love notes/tweets from happy ring purchasers. Oh, how I love that. It makes me happy to know that so many amazing women are out there wearing my rings.
Oh...and reconnecting with people you love on facebook (Chloe). Highlight of the week for sure!
I hope that your week has been full of blessings, realizations, belly laughs, and connecting with people you love.
Monday, August 16, 2010
all sorts of courageousness.
A couple of years ago I signed up for Kate Swoboda's newsletter. I had found her through one of the other blogs I read, and I felt drawn to her spirit. When I found out that she was taking a leap, and leaving her day job to start The Courageous Year (amongst other things), I knew I had to participate. I went through all of the excuses I could come up with. The biggest of them was, I can't afford it (see my - lack story). My desire to participate, led to my decision to dive in anyway. I went with it and trusted that everything would work out. And I'm so glad I did!
I can't even begin to tell you all that I have gotten out of being a participant in the Courageous Year. The changes that I have experienced have been a mixture of clearly evident, and very subtle. Some of the shifts I've seen in myself have snuck up on me. For instance, I started noticing that when I was out and about, I was more present, and interacting more with people that I came across throughout my day (see my - I'm shy story). I notice that I am tremendously more aware of the stories that I carry with me, and how they affect my life. I can identify when I'm living out of the story, and not in the present moment. And I've come to realize that my inner critic is not out to get me, she just chooses safety over anything else. It's all been such good stuff. Seriously.
Kate is super generous, and gives of herself so freely. She uses her own personal experiences as a means of teaching, and you can really see how the tools she shares are used in her own life. On top of that there are the forums, where I have met some really amazing women, and it provides another opportunity to be witness to the tools being used in real life. I told Kate that the money that I have spent on this e-course is the best investment I have ever made, and I meant every word of it. It's been a great investment in me.
I am honored to have been interviewed by Kate over at her blog, and wanted to share a bit about her with all of you. You can read her love letter to the world here. And if you haven't watched this video of hers yet, you should. She is so crush worthy, and I could go on....however, I will leave you to find out for yourself.
A Brief Bio:
Kate Swoboda is a life coach, teacher, and writer living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She supports women from around the world in making powerful choices and rocking out their lives (side note: this involves a lot of courageous laughter, love, acceptance, and not taking ourselves too seriously). When she’s not writing, leading retreats in Italy, or connecting with other courageous women, she can be found sipping chai in libraries, buffing up on her Italian, taking photographs, or getting all bendy-stretchy on the yoga mat. Learn more at http://www.yourcourageouslife.com .
About the Courageous Year E-Books:
Courage is: Feeling afraid, diving in anyway, and transforming. The Courageous Year is a series of four downloadable e-book course modules that support you in courageous living. Organized topically and starting from a place of going deep into you and your individual journey, the Courageous Year also adds in a dose of connection (via the online Courageous Community) and one-on-one support (via sessions with Life Coach Kate Swoboda). The content, videos, and worksheets are designed to be worked at your own pace, making it ideal for people who want to step into their vision for their life while also having a life! Combined, all four course modules support you in making real shifts that you can work in manageable doses. Ultimately, it’s work that’s about heart, living big, and not just nurturing dreams but also creating real pathways for them to happen. For more information, see http://www.thecourageousyear.com .
I can't even begin to tell you all that I have gotten out of being a participant in the Courageous Year. The changes that I have experienced have been a mixture of clearly evident, and very subtle. Some of the shifts I've seen in myself have snuck up on me. For instance, I started noticing that when I was out and about, I was more present, and interacting more with people that I came across throughout my day (see my - I'm shy story). I notice that I am tremendously more aware of the stories that I carry with me, and how they affect my life. I can identify when I'm living out of the story, and not in the present moment. And I've come to realize that my inner critic is not out to get me, she just chooses safety over anything else. It's all been such good stuff. Seriously.
Kate is super generous, and gives of herself so freely. She uses her own personal experiences as a means of teaching, and you can really see how the tools she shares are used in her own life. On top of that there are the forums, where I have met some really amazing women, and it provides another opportunity to be witness to the tools being used in real life. I told Kate that the money that I have spent on this e-course is the best investment I have ever made, and I meant every word of it. It's been a great investment in me.
I am honored to have been interviewed by Kate over at her blog, and wanted to share a bit about her with all of you. You can read her love letter to the world here. And if you haven't watched this video of hers yet, you should. She is so crush worthy, and I could go on....however, I will leave you to find out for yourself.
A Brief Bio:
Kate Swoboda is a life coach, teacher, and writer living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She supports women from around the world in making powerful choices and rocking out their lives (side note: this involves a lot of courageous laughter, love, acceptance, and not taking ourselves too seriously). When she’s not writing, leading retreats in Italy, or connecting with other courageous women, she can be found sipping chai in libraries, buffing up on her Italian, taking photographs, or getting all bendy-stretchy on the yoga mat. Learn more at http://www.yourcourageouslife.com .
About the Courageous Year E-Books:
Courage is: Feeling afraid, diving in anyway, and transforming. The Courageous Year is a series of four downloadable e-book course modules that support you in courageous living. Organized topically and starting from a place of going deep into you and your individual journey, the Courageous Year also adds in a dose of connection (via the online Courageous Community) and one-on-one support (via sessions with Life Coach Kate Swoboda). The content, videos, and worksheets are designed to be worked at your own pace, making it ideal for people who want to step into their vision for their life while also having a life! Combined, all four course modules support you in making real shifts that you can work in manageable doses. Ultimately, it’s work that’s about heart, living big, and not just nurturing dreams but also creating real pathways for them to happen. For more information, see http://www.thecourageousyear.com .
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