Olive + Hope

a little reflection

2011-12-31T17:00:00.000-08:00

Kobe the wonder dog.

I've been in deep reflection all day today...and really every day for the last few weeks. 2011 has been an amazing year...ranging from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. I wouldn't take any of it back, not one bit. My word(s) for last year (...I couldn't choose between two) were fearLESS and flourish. Looking back over the year I'd say that fearLESSness was a predominate player for sure, and flourish also played it's part. I went to a fabulous retreat in March, where I met some friends in person for the first time, and made some new friends. Mid year I began a year long program so exciting and crazy that I couldn't have conceived of it at the beginning of last year - I'm now closer to actually owning the fact that I am clairvoyant. Every night before I go to sleep I reflect on what I am grateful for (gratitude journaling is something I've done over the years, this is my current take on it). We said goodbye on December 12th to our beloved and first furbaby Kobe, in such a flash that I still cannot quite wrap my mind around it. My husband lost his job. I became a Reiki I practioner.We are packing up the safety of what we have called home for the last 7 years, and will be moving to a new home. I have a regular meditation practice, and I'm more spiritual now than I have ever been. I've developed and deepened friendships that have absolutely changed my world. I became a part of a nurture huddle with an amazing group of women that I feel lucky beyond measure to know. I discovered the power of working with Angels. My Grandma had a stroke several months ago (she's doing well and working on recovery), and my Grandfather passed away the day before my birthday. I participated in SouLodge online. I am more comfortable in my skin than ever, and have a new found trust in myself that still takes me by surprise at times. This is just a small taste of what my year has held. I've absolutely changed on a cellular level this year...and it couldn't have happened if I wouldn't have chosen my word....or if it hadn't chosen me.

I was feeling like I wasn't sure what my word was going to be for 2012, and during a conversation with a dear friend, I realized that my word had already found me. It's been presenting itself to me on a regular basis for a few months now....in meditation, in life, everywhere I look. In 2012 I am welcoming in MAGIC to help guide me. I am completely opening to possibility, and this is one of the things that magic represents to me. It makes me think of being unlimited, powerful, free, hopeful, open. And these are some of the things I hope for myself this upcoming year.

There is so much more to say about the depths of where I've been this year...I know I have lots of writing material! This has been a quiet online writing year for me, partly because of all of the rapid change going on in my world and there's been so much living in my everyday life. I haven't exactly known what I wanted to write, or how to write about it. I've been thinking about whether I want another space for this new phase, or not...One thing I know for sure, is that I cannot wait to see what MAGIC is to come in the next twelve months!! My wish is that a little of that will spill out into the world of anyone who knows me, or reads what I share through writing.

May 2012 be a magical, love filled year for all!!

2011-11-30T15:04:00.001-08:00

I'm not in a position to write a full post at the moment...(read - I'm on a borrowed laptop in a design studio that isn't mine), but I want to share this powerful and amazing ceremony that Pixie Campbell has shared with those of us in the SouLodge. She wants to go public with it! The mother of all releasing ceremonies - to celebrate the Winter Solstice. Follow this to her blog where she shares all of the details, and how to's...

If you are in Southern California and want to gather to release...let me know! xox

L O V E.

2011-11-09T18:48:00.001-08:00

Sitting here and contemplating how much love there is in this world...if you just choose to see it.

I'm the Captain of this ship.

2011-11-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

I'm silencing the crickets. Yes, you read that right...the crickets. There have been a whole lot of them here since Summer. Chirp chirping away...holding space for me. I've been writing in long hand in journals..but I've missed this. The connection that happens here, and out there in the interwebs. I've come to the page several times, sat, began to write, questioned what to write, how much to write. I've thought about whether this is the right place, or if I need another blog...where I am now is not where I was when I began this blog. I suppose a lot of us go through this at one point or another...So much has changed, happened, shifted...and I was feeling like I wanted to catch you up. That felt overwhelming....so I walked away. Too much to say for one post. It can't be done. The other day I got the message. Start where you are. You don't need to run through it all at once, or maybe ever. Just start where you are.

So here I am. Starting in this moment. I'm enrolled in Pixie Campbell's SouLodge, and it's so good. I had heard from a few of my dear friends that the first lodge was amazing, and knew I had to sign up. I am on fire with learning right now. I can't seem to get enough knowledge; I suppose it's because I've found what thrills me, what lights my internal fire. You see, I've connected with a part of me that I didn't know exists (or I did, but it was buried d e e p). I am an inuitive. Yep, I said it. Things have been brewing here since May....actually long before, but I didn't trust it back then. Or even acknowledge it really. In a span of about 48 hours I was led straight into a class that held answers, and a whole helluvah lot of healing. That's what I showed up for, the healing...it's what I wanted most. I found myself thinking that the intuitive part of the class may or may not be my thing. I took a huge leap. A big old Fool's leap, and enrolled. Not much time to think about it. Or get too scared. I can't say I've done anything this brave on such short notice, ever. It was such a big commitment. Once a week for 13 months, and a daily practice in between. Here I am half way through, and loving every second of it.

The biggest surprise is that I can tap into this part of me. I do readings on a regular basis. I can see how it links to everything I want to do in my life, and who I am. I'm still finding my way, but the path is being illuminated. I have this newfound trust in myself, like I've never known. It's been transformative on so many levels, and continues to be...

This last week or so, I found myself fighting with fear. I haven't been in that place for a while, and I was really trying to fight it. Picture slaying dragons here. And then through some beautiful messages from my higher self, and conversations with wise women, I remembered that there is no fighting it. And I slowed down. Surrendered. The relief that followed was incredible. Everything flooded back to me, the trust in myself. The groundedness. The love. The power. I was beginning to believe that it was the fear of this power - owning it, accepting it, that was sending me into a tailspin. Today in this moment, I'll say that's not the truth. My ego was whispering to me about fear, and safety, and all things that would have stopped me in the past. I appreciate her concern, I understand she's just trying to look out for me. I also understand her place - and it's not decision maker or captain of this ship. Course corrections, and lessons are a part of life. This I know for sure. I'm so grateful to have remembered that all I have to do is grab the wheel.

*we've been in the East on the medicine wheel in Pixie's class...everything lined up for me to (re)learn this lesson at the perfect time.

2011-07-26T09:22:00.000-07:00

Source: love-remains-the-same.tumblr.com via olive on Pinterest

Words of wisdom.

heart whispers and rooftops.

2011-07-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about vocation and career lately. About how I will make my mark on the world, and do my part in making it a better place in some small way....My heart has been drawn to this idea of working with clients to create spaces that are soulfully designed, that reflect them at their truest. And another little secret bit to this idea that's been brewing, is how personal styling (wardrobe, etc.) also ties into this big picture. I designed the above board months ago, and it's just been sitting. I called it Global Collected Feminine - I think about who lives in this space sometimes, she is fictional, and yet I know she is out there. Today in an effort to show up more fully and to share a bit of who I really am, I'm posting this mood board as a first step in reclaiming one of my talents.

I don't always call myself an interior designer anymore. Partly because it's only one small bit of me, and partly because I've been separating myself from that identity for a whole boatload of reasons. Linking this love for getting to know oneself on a deeper level, and expressing it in every area of ones life is the component that's been missing in my love for design and styling in general. Saying it out loud - that this is what I do, and this is how I'm thinking about doing it...is another piece of this puzzle that's been missing as well. I am choosing to put some energy behind it now.

There are couple of things that I know for sure about myself - I am a great teacher, I am a very good detective, and putting rooms and outfits together comes naturally to me. If I combine these gifts I've been given (and stop being afraid of them)...it leads me to what I would love to be doing. Helping people (especially women) uncover their unique style. Doing the detective work, figuring it all out, and then sharing what I know about putting things together. Empowering people to do this for themselves.

I'm setting my intention to build a practice that combines styling for the home and whole person. Working with women who desire a deeper connection with the way that they show up in the world, in their daily life, and how that connects to our surroundings, what we wear and creative expression. I really long to work with women in a process of discovery and self empowerment. Self expression at it's purest. I can honestly say that I don't have all of this figured out yet. And that usually stops me dead in my tracks...This time, I am choosing to move forward, through the fear and unknown bits. I'm saying it out loud, even in it's infancy. I want to whisper what my heart says for the universe to hear, so that the energy continues to build, the ball begins to roll, and I can be on my way toward the life I dream of.

Oh and by the way..I am looking for a couple of guinea pigs in the form of beautiful soulful women. I'm also in need of some mentorship if you feel drawn to it/me, I would appreciate any droplets of wisdom. Phew! I'm happy I got that off my chest. Thanks for being here to witness my version of screaming it from the rooftops. xo.

freedom to play.

2011-07-06T16:08:00.000-07:00

Last week I read and watched a few things online, and found myself feeling like I needed play. I think of myself as a pretty playful person...and yet, when I look at my days, I have a lot of rules set up around it (play, I mean). I've been looking at patterns and stories in my life a ton lately, noticing places where I believe one thing, and can clearly see another happening. As in the Play area of my life. I can be silly, creative, childlike, and joyful. And as much as all of that is true...I find the amount of space I allow into my life for those things to be small.

I was acutely aware of the need for play the other day after watching this video from a retreat that a couple of dear friends attended. I felt myself pouting. Not because I was feeling jealous about the retreat, but rather, because I was longing to have some fun. I wanted some of that. I can honestly say that in the past, I may have just sank in and thrown myself pity party. I could have gone down a road of thinking things like, I hardly ever have fun, or I want a girls trip, or I want permission to play. On this particular day, as I sat and thought about play, I was moved to take action, I wrote myself a permission slip. I consciously made a choice to make my own fun. I grabbed my phone to see if it had a self timer...and it does in fact, I'm happy to say! I set myself up in front of the window for some impromtu self portrait jump shots. Inspired by Vivienne and her You are Your Own Muse course.

I found myself giggling, breathing heavy, sweating, jumping, and jumping. And Jumping. In the end, I had a shot that I loved, and I also got a few shots that made me laugh even more. It was all about freedom of choice that day. And every day. It reminded me of my own power, and that it's something that I have access to all of the time. No time for pity parties, and wishing to do this or that.

Are you listening to yourself...what are you longing for more of? There is something to be said for making a tiny bit of space for what you are craving. Is it love? Is it creativity? Is it fun? Is it eating more greens? Is it writing? Is it exercise? Is it laying on the grass and looking at the clouds? The point is that you just get up and do it. Not whether you do it perfectly, or often/long enough, or have the right lighting. Or whether you look great while you are doing it. Perfect circumstances & conditions are not a requirement.

If you pay attention, and you are noticing it. That pull....the feeling of, I want some of that...Please do yourself a favor and spend five or ten minutes doing it, or some part of it. Impromtu, half assedly, thrown together, completely unplanned. Just. Get. To. It. You are so worth it. Yes YOU are.

I believe that {I want some of that} feeling, is where we are when we are feeling comparisons, and jealousy. And I think that is where the opportunity is to stand in our own power. Because there is nothing stopping each of us from having it, except ourselves. If we can sit in the feeling, and really look at where it comes from...it all goes back to me, or you...simply wanting some bit of that for ourselves. And that my friend is a beautiful thing...it's your higher self telling you what you need. Take heed, and listen.

What is your higher self telling you that you need more of in your life? Do tell....

Mama got a brand new bag.

2011-06-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

I could stay away no longer. I have missed this space. There's been so much going on and I haven't quite been able to articulate it. So instead of waiting until I can be eloquent, I'm just showing up to share what's making me happy today.

While I was out running errands today, I found this bag. It sung to me, and lit me up like a Christmas tree. It's hand stamped fabric, made by artist Valentine Viannay in San Diego. She came home with me (the bag, not the artist), as an early anniversary present. I couldn't leave her behind...she matched my toes! I even got to hug the artist to celebrate. Thank you to my honey...for making it happen.

Hope you have an amazing weekend. xox

celebrating the mom in all of us.

2011-05-08T11:53:00.000-07:00

me holding a friend's baby

Whether or not a baby has ever miraculously come out of your body, you are a mother. You have helped mother me, or your sister, or your girlfriend, or your cousin, or your neighbor, or a stranger. You have wiped a tear or a bottom. You have given counsel. You have talked someone you love off a ledge. You have nurtured and natured and gently nudged her to keep going when she was sure she couldn't. You have read a storybook, shoveled a walk, waved across the parking lot, not even realizing you were saving someone's life. – jena strong

This quote was shared on twitter last year, and I can't tell you how much it was appreciated. Sometimes I downplay my feelings around trying to become a Mom. Sometimes I forget that I already am, all of the things that any Mom is.

Today I am celebrating all women, and the divine feminine that lives in each of us. Today I celebrate and send love to ~

Moms with babies.

Moms who have lost babies.

Moms to be.

Women hoping to be Moms.

Women who choose not to be Moms.

Women who cannot conceive naturally.

Women who are struggling with (in)fertility.

Women who are Moms to fur babies.

Women who are nurturers.

Women who are friends.

Women who listen.

Women who are willing to be by your side, any day, any way.

Women whose memories live on.

Women who are sisters, friends, aunts, cousins, daughters.

Women who reach out.

Women who show up when you need someone.

Mother's Day can bring up a lot of emotion for many of us. Whether it's because we don't have children, we've lost a child, or because we are missing our Mothers. One thing that I have found is that those of us that are feeling emotion on this day often get ignored. I totally get that it can be because someone doesn't want to upset me (you), I understand that someone may worry that they will say the wrong thing, or that they don't know how to bring up a sensitive subject. For me...being ignored feels worse. I would rather you acknowledge my feelings (even if it comes out all wrong). This is where I'm at with all of it - you can acknowledge someones feelings without diminishing them or trying to fix things for them.

For example ~

I know you may be feeling tender about _____(or today), I just want you to know I'm thinking about you.

It's really simple to just let someone know you are thinking about them. Not so simple to leave it at that...but it's all that's needed. I promise. And it applies to any situation. Of course everyone is not the same...some people may want a hug, some may not. Some may want to talk, or they may not. But by acknowledging them, you have showed up in such big way. Maybe even bigger than you know.

For me, it lets me know you are thinking of me, and the fact that I might be feeling tender. It makes me feel like a person, a whole person. I don't feel invisible, or like the damsel in the tower who is separated from everyone else, by a moat and dragon. I say just show up...don't worry about how perfectly you say things, or that you might cause someone more pain. We are going to have our feelings either way. When no one shows up...we are just having them alone.

I cannot adequately express the power of this in words. I'm pretty sure that we have all had women in our lives at some point or another, that were a rock for us, a source of inspiration...They may or may not have been our own Mothers. In fact, they may not have ever had children themselves. But they showed up for us in big ways, out of love. This is worth celebrating today, and every day.

Thank you to the women in my life who show up. I am so appreciative!

happy.ness

2011-05-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

these are a few of the things that are making me oh so happy and heartfull this week.

I received a little package of love in the mail...and it contained the original of this! seriously...remember me mentioning that I was loving this print? I cannot tell you how completely grateful I am to have her hanging on my wall, inspiring me to be even more brave in every area of my life...and reminding me that I am loved, not just by this lovely kindred, but by many amazing people. Further testament to the power of reaching out. * I cannot possibly express the depth of my gratitude here for this gift, and demonstration of reaching out. Thank you my dear friend, you are appreciated and loved.

this post by liz.

this post by brene.

a boat load of phone calls, skype calls, emails, and text messages from people that I love dearly. I am so grateful to have such a full life.

this song by adele

and....sunshine!! sunshine!! sunshine!!

the power of reaching out.

2011-05-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

I've been quiet here...working my way through Brene Brown's Ordinary Courage e-course. It's good. It's scary. It's so big. There is so much possibility in this work with shame. Life changing, relationship changing, world changing. While it's scary...the thing that keeps coming up for me is power. Looking at the things that trigger shame in me, isn't easy, in fact it's harder than hard...but, if I can truly understand what's happening in those moments, that's where the power is. Instead of swirling in the shit...feeling swept up, and out of control, I am going to be able to recognize what's happening, and use my tools.

It's so interesting to think about shame and how it flourishes in the dark. That isolating, and keeping to myself when I am in the midst of the swirl actually keeps me there longer. Adds to the separation. Shame thrives in separation, and it's what keeps us stuck. Right where we are. One thing (of many) that I will take away from the e-course is that reaching out is worth it. Perhaps it's the longing for connection that we all express. A deeper knowing of this. My soul (our souls) reminding me (us), calling out to us to connect. Come out of the dark. Flourish in the light. Amongst other souls with whom we connect. That sharing is powerful, and life changing for both the listener, and the person who is sharing. If we reach out one person at a time...our world can change.

Yes reaching out can be hard. Especially when you are lost in your own shit. It's easy to think - I don't want to bother others with it. It's easy to think - I'm the only one. It's easy to think - I might be judged. It's easy to think - I deserve what I've got going on. That somehow it's all my fault. I will tell you that reaching out sheds a light on the truth. Tell someone something hard, or big (someone you trust), or start small...reach out and tell someone that you care about them, and you will see what happens...you will find out that you aren't alone. You aren't the only one swirling. That you're loved. Opening the door and letting a sliver of light in, has unimaginable power.

Sharing is powerful, and life changing for both the listener, and the person who is sharing. If we reach out one person at a time...our world can change. And it's all the same world. Right? We are all connected. I'm leaning into this in my life. Starting a ripple. Will you join me?

hello friday, it's me grateful.

2011-04-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

I've spent a lot of time today feeling blessed by the amazing circle of women I find myself surrounded by. From all walks of life. From all parts of the country. And beyond. I am a grateful girl.

I don't know if I can articulate my feelings completely...but in the spirit of gratitude and bliss, I wanted to share a few things & people that are contributing.

brave girl by danielle fraser

Danielle is amazing. If you don't know her yet....you should. She's got a huge heart, and is uber talented to boot. I'm swooning over her brave girl print right now...though honestly, I could post a list of faves. I adore the colors in her latest work.

I signed up for Brene Brown's ordinary courage e-course . Registration is now closed...but you can still sign up for a year of wholehearted living. I can't tell you how much goodness you will find at her site. Life changing good.

Yoga is still rocking my world. The benefits are so much more than physical. Happy heart. Happy mind. Happy body.

My new brass elephant - a thrift store find from this week. He is causing me all sorts of giddiness.

Reading....always makes me happy. I'm currently jumping between two books (truth be told....they are the main books I'm spending time with, not the only). Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes. And the Right-Brain Business Plan, by Jennifer Lee.

Full of gratitude from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Breathing in sunshine and smiles. Feeling blessed beyond measure...Life is not always easy or perfect, but gratitude is always free. Hope you have a happy weekend! xo

showing up.

2011-04-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

This week came with some big revelations. And a lot of yoga. These two things went hand in hand I ~~suspect~~ know. This week was leading up to the 3 hour yoga workshop (which I attended yesterday)...and so I made a decision early in the week to get in some extra yoga this week to prepare. During my first class of the week (my regularly scheduled one) I overheard two lovely women talking about the workshop, I wanted to chime in, but waited. As we lay down at the beginning of class, I knew what I had to do. At the end of class I would introduce myself and talk to them about the workshop, and tell them that I was nervous about it. I let go, and practiced. Afterward, I went over and introduced myself and did just that...I told them that I was signed up and nervous. And that I wanted to reach out to them so that I would have a couple of smiling faces in the crowd that know me. This wasn't easy for me. I'm quiet and often keep to myself, I don't hang around after yoga to chat with people. Yet I knew that this was something that I needed to do. So that when I entered this space with 100 or so people, still feeling a bit like a newbie...I would have something in addition to myself (outside of myself) to ground me.

On my second day (in a row) of practice, I attended a class that is a step up in skill level from my usual. It was an early evening class, and I really had no idea of what to expect, other than that my teacher told me I was ready for it. I showed up early, a wee bit nervous, and walked into a packed room. Way more packed than my smaller, more intimate class in the morning. I caught myself holding my breath. Thinking of bolting. I took a deep breath, and stepped inside. Now it was done. Once I'm in...I'm not backing out. I scanned for a spot, they were slim pickins...and I was thankful for showing up early. I got settled in, and the room filled up. They brought over a girl and put her between myself and my neighbor...we were close. I felt the twinge of claustrophobia. I breathed into it. We began practice, and all was good. I found myself thinking, I have been ready for this class. I am ready for this class. When we got to the seated positions, things changed...there was chaturanga between each and every asana. And I felt it. Practice that night kicked my booty. It challenged me in so many ways. And I made it through. As I lay in savasana at the end of class...I was flooded with these words - I am love. Absolutely every ounce of my being was flooded with the message that I am love. I was born love. And I continue to be. It's the way I move through life. Always have. Having so much to give. Sometimes struggling to find a way to. I found myself crying. When I got home that night I ordered a super mat. A mat that to me, means I am committed. An investment. In me. And how I want to show up in the world.

On my third day of practice (in a row), I decided to rearrange my day to attend a morning class. I showed up thinking that it was the same class as my usual class (my safe zone). We began practice and it wasn't until the seated postions came that I realized...holy shit! this is the harder class. A g a i n. I had that same moment of panic (again), and then as quickly as it came, it left. I continued to practice. And during this class I realized two things. One - that showing up is all that's required. I have the strength to make it through. And two (this one was interesting for me) - a realization about a story that I carry...In fact, I've talked about it here before. There's this place where I begin to wonder, or to feel as though I am being perceived as a weakling. As someone who only talks about the places that I struggle. And that sometimes I feel that others try (or feel the need to) boost me from this dreaded place. On the mat on the third day of practice, this message was given to me ~ it's a gift. It's a gift to be able to show your vulnerability. It's not a negative. It's in the postive column. It may make me feel raw, and exposed sometimes...and not feel like a gift at all, at times. But I received the message, and am now sitting with it. Soaking it in. Meditating on it.

And then my final and fourth day of practice...the big three hour workshop. A room full of 100 or so people. I was nervous. I sat in my car and breathed. I tried to decide whether I should bring my bag in. I got on facebook and left a message for an amazing little circle of lovelies. I wanted to create a vessel of safety for myself, and I knew they would hold space for me. I breathed some more. Got out of the car, and walked up to building....panic set in. Luckily the location was at the harbor. I walked over and looked at the water and breathed. Nothing grounds me more than the ocean. And I went in. As they were leading me to a spot I said that I was meeting a friend (from earlier in the week), and I looked down and there she was. I arrived just in time to be seated next to her. I settled in. And sat with all of it. The nervousness. The unknown. The energy in the room. The excitement. The fear. The ass kicking asanas. The wisdom of the teacher. The breath. The gratitude for my practice. And the love for me. For knowing what to do for myself. For remembering to breathe. For knowing how to set up a vessel of safety for myself. And for taking action. For showing up.

I ~~think~~ know we each possess this knowledge. We each know what to do to take care of ourselves. Sometimes it's easy to get lost inside of the fear, the mind, the anxiety, and the inner critic chimes in. Sometimes we lose sight of our own power. Sometimes it's scary to claim that power. But if we can find a way to show up. The answers are all there. The beautiful power that is in each of us. Is there. Wherever you are.

swept away by choice.

2011-03-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

windswept (from above) - photo of me by me.

It's a rainy day here. I'm sitting here and listening to the sound of the drops, and realizing that I was swept away by the storm of this week. Feeling a little out of sorts. Feeling a little raw and tender. Just feeling. Sometimes I go to this place so deep inside that I don't move. I mean, I move through life...in a state of unfeeling. I get out of tune with what's going on within me, and autopilot kicks in. The thing that I am thankful for is that in the past, it would have taken me much longer to realize that this is the road I'm on. I'm grateful for the awareness that I now carry within me. That awareness brings with it a discomfort that I cannot ignore, and I'm choosing to look at it.

One part of the storm this week has been about making money. Being able to support myself in ways that fulfill me. Feeling pulled by money, and feeling resentful about how working for someone else makes me feel. Wanting something bigger for myself, and not being really clear about how to make that happen...leaves me feeling fackered up. Having hints and whispers of what I could do...having inklings and not following them, or trying them...leaves me feeling fackered up.

Honestly the other part of it - putting myself, my heart...out there to new friends, and kindred spirits is really a practice for me. I am so hungry for it, and want it with all of my heart. What I'm realizing, is that it's a challenge to stay open...to be open. To expose myself in such big ways to others. There is this small part of myself that's in cahoots with my inner critic, and together they whisper...it would be much safer for you to stay in the cocoon. The small box. If you allow yourself to dream too big, to reach out, to be yourself, you could get hurt.

And then there is this larger part...the part that's connected directly to my heart that says, you must. You must reach out. You must dream big. You must live big. You must allow the good things to come. You must stay open, because that is who you really are. You are directly connected to your heart. You are love. You are open. You can trust who you are. You are enough. You can trust connection. You can trust being seen. You are goodness and light, and if you show up as who you are...people will see that. And it's time baby girl.

Rather than being swept up by the storm, I am choosing to lean into the fears...and the bigness. I am in choice all of the time, and I choose to remember that. I choose to stay open. I choose to reach out. I choose to dream big. I choose to live big. I choose to allow goodness to come. I choose living from the heart. I choose love. I choose me. I choose connection. I choose goodness and light. I choose awareness. I choose this moment over and over again.

In this moment...what will you choose for yourself? I would love to know. To be witness to it. To see you and hear you. In holding space for you...it allows me to do the same for myself. Thank you for that gift. xo

perfectly me

2011-03-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

I have so much swirling in me right now...so much I want to write about, talk about...The Create Stillness Retreat was amazing. So amazing. The women. The place. All of it. I have been sitting with all that happened on our weekend together...processing, and remembering the magic. I don't know that I have words for all of it yet, and my heart has been with those in Japan. So I'm not going to try today. I did find this note written to myself in my journal in June of 2010, and thought I would share it as a part of my love notes series.

i do not need to be more organized. be a better house keeper. be more outgoing. make faster decisions. make perfect decisions. do more of anything. be more of anything. make more of anything. make better anything, in order to be better. i am already perfect. perfectly me.

sharing stillness by the sea - shot by me

one thing I will say about this weekend, is that it was a very good reminder to be present to what is....and reading this love note to myself reminded me of that. what are you being present to today? are you feeling aware of your perfection?

inner peace.

2011-03-02T11:05:00.000-08:00

This quote was shared by my yoga teacher yesterday morning. I searched the interwebs to find it and wanted to share it with you. The amazing thing is that as I drove down there, I was feeling each of these things. Hearing the quote confirmed it. Inner Peace. *cue angels singing* I feel blessed to encounter it for as long as it stays. Knowing that it's a practice, and that it will slip away again...and again. All I can do is trust that it will always find it's way home.

SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE

by Saskia Davis

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many already have been exposed; and it is possible that people, everywhere, could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what, up to now, has been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Signs & Symptoms of Inner Peace

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences

An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment

A loss of interest in judging other people

A loss of interest in judging self

A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others

A loss of interest in conflict

A loss of ability to worry (a very serious symptom)

Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation

Contented feelings of connectedness with others & nature

Frequent attacks of smiling (through your eyes and from your heart) - this bit was added in the quote yesterday, not sure if it's part of the original. I personally think it's a perfect addition.

An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen

An increased susceptibility to love extended by others, and the uncontrollable urge to extend it

WARNING~
If you have some or all of the above symptoms, be advised that your condition of inner peace may be too far advanced to be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk. © 1984

A little thinking aloud :: I'm happy if they come one at a time. The more often each of these individual feelings shows up...they are lighting the path toward inner peace. And one day we will find ourselves standing in the midst of it. {If we are open to it}. What do you think? Is that how inner peace shows up for you?

2011-02-26T12:32:00.001-08:00

Some things that I am thrilled about right now:

above is the moodboard we created for the women's shelter that a friend and I are designing. It's a completely pro bono job, and we are responsible for providing everything in the room, so it may not look exactly like this. But, it's the look we are going for. We already have 2 of the things on the board - the floral fabric on the left side is our main fabric (and where are color scheme is being pulled from), and the yellow keep calm and carry on poster was donated by Victoria at sfgirlbybay. We are looking for donations for everything in the room: twin size headboard, all bedding, pillows, lamps, artwork, desk, desk chair, bedside tables, dresser, paint, accessories, window treatments, etc. We hope to make the room a lovely haven for the women who will live in it during their time of transition. It will be a happy space full of aqua, yellow, hot pink, and some purple (along with some white and neutrals of course).

The premier (Feb. 26) of Secrets from a Stylist on HGTV!! I can't wait for this. Emily Henderson rocks my socks. I've always felt strongly about pulling colors, style, etc. out of someone's wardrobe and translating that into their home. Emily draws from that too. Mixing styles, and adding in quirkiness...her show is so right up my alley.

Attending an upcoming retreat - Creating Stillness. It's next weekend! So this time next week I will be inhaling sea air and eucalyptus, breathing a lot, unplugging, and BEing with a fabulous group of women. I cannot wait. Seriously.

I signed up for a yoga workshop with Tim Miller. I knew deep down that yoga was for me...I just didn't know how much it would mean to me. How much it would change me. *Off the workshop literature - "Traditionally yoga practice is designed as a "work in" method to penetrate and heal the body, to bring clarity and calmness to the mind, and ultimately to reconnect us with our own immortal Soul. In this workshop we will explore the inner landscape through a systematic and progressive practice of asana, pranayama, mantra and meditation."* I will be waiting about a month for this one...patiently waiting....

I'm feeling full of gratitude for where I am. Whether I'm feeling fear, or fearlessness, and sometimes both...I am happy to be here. Open to whatever comes, and feeling buoyed by the swell that I feel moving in my life right now.

2011-02-25T09:50:00.000-08:00

my new art supply storage

happy friday!

I'm sitting here breathing in every ounce of this lovely Friday morning. It's chilly outside, the birds are singing, and I'm very aware of my breath. I moved some furniture around in my house, and it's amazing what one simple change can do. My art/work space (studio) has been our dining room table, which is open to our living space. No room for storage, so when I get my art supplies out - they are everywhere! It's a process to put them away, and pull them back out again. It involves some deep thought on my part. And frankly, sometimes I let it keep me from creating. I told C that I wanted to push our table up against the wall and use it more as a studio table (he was unconvinced).

On Wednesday something came over me, and I took matters into my own hands. I started moving things around...and something shifted in me. I was excited, motivated, and planning some needed additions to my new studio space. Some storage, a change to the wall above my table - an inspiration board (where I can pin ideas, and things that inspire me), a collection of art, some wall bins, and a mirror (because my back is to the rest of the room - and this is bad feng shui, and I definitely don't want that). I found this storage piece at a flea market, I loved it, and thought I was going to resell it (that's it above...made by singer for sewing storage - now going to house paint and other art making tools). Since I've been painting more, it dawned on me that it could solve one of my creative blocks...if I store some of my art supplies in it. The ones that I use most often...then they will be easier to access! {and it tucks easily under my table}. Meaning, that I am making it easy for myself. Ah grasshoppah...you have been a good student.

I will post some pics of my space as it develops. I feel so good about it. I finally have a space to work, create, write and BE, that makes me feel inspired. Oh, and a little side note - C has been converted! He is thrilled for me and my little space.

Do you have any of those things in your life that create obstacles or blocks for you? Whether it's a storage/organizational thing, or simply moving some furniture around. What one change could you make today to make it a little easier for you? The tiniest things can create a ripple effect.

a little note from the universe.

2011-02-16T17:54:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I pick up my copy of Notes from the Universe by Mike Dooley...today was one of those days that I did. The Note I read was so good, I thought I'd share ~

Today, you will be challenged.

Challenged by the grand illusion.

Tempted to look to time, space, and all things material for understanding; to judge your place in the world; and to make decisions about your life.

Fight it.

Go within.

Remember the magic.

Be vigilant.

Good right?...had to share it with you. I couldn't resist! Today I had rainy day schedule, and on the agenda was painting and music. That was my main priority. I painted, sang, shook my booty, walked the dog in the drizzle, did a couple of things for the women's shelter I'm designing a room for, and got some household duties done too. Amazing that when my priorities are in line, how much more I actually get done. *note to self...remember this.

:: you can also sign up for daily notes from the universe delivered right to your inbox...(it's pretty fantastic), I linked it to Mike's name above.

day of love.

2011-02-14T08:00:00.000-08:00

today is all about love and {like Oprah}, it's my brand. On this Valentine's Day...I'm sharing a little with you ~

you are loved.

you matter.

and quite frankly...I am ever so happy you exist.

Source: google.com via olive on Pinterest

(source)

Source: yellowtrace.com.au via olive on Pinterest

Source: leloveimage.blogspot.com via olive on Pinterest

me and you.

2011-02-13T16:27:00.000-08:00

(source)

I've been feeling a little frustrated this week - the assignment from Get Your Paint On, is kicking my booty a bit. The first week was a tighter, more defined assignment, we did a painting based on a Gee's Bend quilt. My thankfulness meter was at an alltime high - clear direction, yes. This week is much looser...we are to pick an artist that we're inspired by and take an element, a color palette, etc. from them and make it our own. And good.ness have I been lost in my head! Mati & Lisa have been excellent teachers, and gave great advice - not to think about it too much. I'm tryin' ladies. Really, I am. I've looked at so much art, and that's been great. But on the flipside, having such a broad field to pick from is giving me fits. The good news about this, is that I am in this. All the way. And I'm not backing down from the challenge. So there you have it.

In the spirit of Valentine's Day I decided to write a love not to you & me.

Dear you. Dear me.

there is no one like you. anywhere. on the planet. really. that's great news, right? if there is no one like you or me, that takes some of the pressure off. in fact, it takes comparisons right out of the equation. you can't compare unique characteristics. {plain and simple}. so anytime you are feeling lost or overwhelmed remember that you are perfect just as you are. you have gifts that only you possess. you are amazing. you are one of a freaking kind. and you have something to offer this world. you already possess it. it's not something that you have to work for. have to find. or have to win in a competition. it is already inside of you. when moments of doubt creep in. when you are looking at others accomplishments. all you have to do is stop. take a deep breath. and listen to your heart. it has all the answers. lean into those fears of yours. you will make it through to the other side. remember that baby steps are a recipe for success. and it's important to celebrate now...don't wait for holidays, anniversaries, birthdays. celebrate now. celebrate the little things. they add up to big things. especially when you allow yourself a little bit of cheering!

your biggest fan.

xoxo
me

Dear Me Today.

2011-02-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

dear me {today},

i've been thinking about you a lot lately. you make me smile.

sometimes i think about your purity and i get a little misty. i wonder if you know that other's see it? and if you know that those who see it, are people you really want in your life.

i just want you to know that you are sweetness, and light. that you are brave. and that i admire your desire to live your best life. imperfections and all.

i so appreciate your willingness to lean into the things that scare you (even if you aren't willing to admit you do). i am so proud of you for all kinds of things. too many to name. i love the slivers of silliness you let shine through...even though it makes you feel vulnerable.

the fact that you have been reminding yourself that you are in the driver's seat of your life (the big cheese), is amazing. keep doing that. i love that you want to simplify/purge your physical space this year, and i am so happy that you are allowing yourself to do it in a way that works for you. not by some crazy self imposed standard. and that you have been celebrating it along the way (whether it's one or two items, or bag loads).

oh, and one last thing...you are an artist. yes. that's right. YoU aRe. It's time to step into that.

i love you, sweetness.

xoxoxo
me

:: I've been cooking up a series of love notes for a little while now. This is the first, in what I hope to be a "longoing" series.

friday fun.

2011-01-28T15:12:00.000-08:00

the dog contemplating my 2010 vision board

Friday fun.

a 6 day streak on 750words

dropping the occasional f bomb while writing on 750words, just to see what my posts are rated as. Last I checked, I was PG-13...that's what got me adding some choice words into the mix. i'd like to be a little racier...at least R. i'm not really an NC-17 kind of a girl. if i'm being honest, i'm really more of a PG-13...with an occasional splash of R

finding out that myself and a friend will be designing a room for a woman's shelter in LA. It's not official "official" yet, so I'm not posting all of the details {yet}. But we are at about 98% certainty.

being enrolled in get your paint on.

scoring 2 drapery panels, and a throw pillow for $17. Yes...all three things! Thank you homegoods. we are going to be building our color scheme around them for the shelter project.

feeling the possibility of allowing myself to play with painting. and having some F U N with it. {thank you danielle for the wise words, xo}

feeling my big dream surging back...like I'm taking my first few steps.

purging my home. yes. it's been fun! in small bits and pieces...those baby steps work for everything. i think the key to it being fun for me, is leaving the pressure and expectations at the door. if i only do one small bit, i'm counting it as a success. yay me!

cheerleading for myself. i've been doing a lot of that this week

shopping thrift stores

playing with my chocolate thunder (the dog). that's only one of his many many nicknames

watching orangutan island on animal planet in the mornings with my love. that's become a regular occurance this week - our morning bonding ritual. bonding over orangutan's...that's how we roll

I hope that you are celebrating the small things this week. Not minimizing your accomplishments. And giving yourself all of the credit you deserve. Because you are beautiful, talented, and one smart cookie. Trust in that. xo

countdown to getting my hands messy.

2011-01-26T17:05:00.000-08:00

course info

One of the things I want more of in my life is painting. Last year I dipped my toe back into the waters....This year I intend to get my paint on, in fact I entered 2011 with a knowing that this will be a big year for me creatively. So, I officially bit the bullet and signed up for Get Your Paint On (how appropos) taught by Mati McDonough and Lisa Congdon.

I am both excited and scared. And I'm saying that publicly to help me be accountable for showing my work to my fellow classmates. It's a year of fearLESS flourishing, and so I will put on my big girl panties and do it! Yep...I'm feeling pretty good about it.

the winds of change.

2011-01-21T11:03:00.000-08:00

source here

I'm feeling a strong sense of change coming. BIG change. It's scary and exhilirating all at the same time, and is starting to feel a bit like a locomotive that I'm not going to be able to stop. Nor do I think I want to. I have lived in this space within myself for a long time (if I'm honest), a space of safety and stagnation. All of it built on fear. And lots of it. Truthfully, I'm feeling sick and tired of not DOing, because I'm scared.

I don't paint. I seek escape in tv and the internet. I isolate myself. I don't speak up. I push down my feelings to make things easier (for other people). And I just plain ole have not been actively engaged in life lately.

While I am an optimistic person, who has good amounts of fun...there is also this dark side that engages in all of the things I wrote above, and more. It's been a process to accept that both the light and the dark are real parts of me. And both have their place. What hasn't been working for me, is that I have been indulging too much in the dark and twisty. And not letting my light shine.

So, here's the deal. I'm going with this train that's rolling in...there's a swell of creativity and inspiration in it's draft. And I'm feeling the fire starting to burn in my belly again for the first time in a long time. I've been looking for something to inspire me. Something to motivate me. Something outside of myself. And let's face it...nothing's going to do it for me. I have to open up to to what's already inside. Surrender to the fear, the unknown, control, the imperfection. Surrender all of my worries about being good enough. And let it flow through me, just as it comes. No barriers.

The funny thing is that this is something I know...the dark and twisty of it is that I've been fighting against it. I want to make art again (after yeeears of not). I want to make money doing something that fulfills me, from the top of my head, all the way down to my toes. I want to own my feelings and speak up for what I believe, no matter what others will think of me. I want to step into my power. I want to indulge in more design and culture. I want to be true to me. I want to move my body more this year. And I want to let my light shine for all the world to see (not just the few people that I feel safe with).

I struggle with writing on my blog at times because I start to feel that it's all about my struggles, when a big part of what I want to do is uplift and inspire. In my quest to be authentic, I have to reveal that I do have struggles...I am human afterall. The light bulb moment here is if I'm leaning into my fears, and letting inspiration have it's way with me...then it will flow out to the other parts of my life. Struggles and all. Behind the scenes over here (since this new year has begun), I've been writing a bit, and sketching up ideas for pieces of art...there's a bit of flow beginning to trickle in. So today I begin to make space for it.

:: After much sitting with...I am claiming both fearLESS and flourish for my words for the year. They seem to want hold hands with each other...so I'm going to let them. And they both seem to want me to join them. So I will.

fearless flourishing.

2011-01-07T13:28:00.000-08:00

Happy 2011! I'm not sure if anyone comes here anymore. I haven't been. If you are here, I'll say thank you so much for hanging in with me. Even when I am quiet. My wish for everyone, is a year that's filled with as much beauty, fun, prospering, authenticity, and love as you can stand!

My word for the year was EXPAND, and that I did. What came as a surprise to me, was that a big part of that expansion was inward. Don't get me wrong...I did a fair share of things that I would not have ordinarily done. I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone quite a bit. The inward expanding was just an added bonus. The cherry on top. Something I did not expect.

I've been thinking about my word for the year, for the past few weeks. Maybe months. The one thing that I want more of in 2011 is Action. Though, I don't like the way Action feels as my word. The words that I've come up with so far are Flourish. Fertile. and Fearless.

FLOURISH is the one that feels most comfy. It fits like a glove. It encompasses all of what I'd like this year to be about.

to grow vigorously

Synonyms: burgeon (also bourgeon), flourish, prosper

Related Words: luxuriate, overgrow, proliferate, shoot up; germinate, root, sprout; bloom, flower, fruit, produce, propagate, regenerate, seed

from the merriam-webster thesaurus

FERTILE makes me feel a bit more uncomfortable (because as some of you may or may not know, I have been trying to get pregnant for about 6 years). However, I strongly believe that whether one ever has a baby, or not, does not determine ones fertileness as a human being. In this sense, it's a really good word for me. I want to be fertile in life. And I'm also wanting to embrace the concept of BEing fertile in every sense. I think that for a long time, I haven't even let it be a part of my vocabulary. My life. It's been a big, bad scary word. One that's been too scary to really embrace. That's going to change this year, whether it's my word or not.

FEARLESS is scary. Plain. old. scary. I have had some opportunities this last year that freaked me out. And in the past (at times, not always - I realize there is a story here), when I've been scared...I have frozen, hidden, or run. I want this year to be about action. I've said more than a few times that I'd like to grow a pair of youknowwhats this year. You do know what...dontcha? Fearless makes my knees knock. It makes me think - holyhell...does that mean that I will have to really be Fear.less.? Can I do it? Am I ready for it? In fact, my latest thought was...maybe that's next year's word. Maybe we need to Flourish a bit before we jump straight to Fearlessness. Yep, my brain goes there.

This is my dilemma. I tend to do the safe thing (see the last 3 sentences above). And the fact that FEARLESS makes me squirm a bit...gets me thinking. Maybe my word should make me a little uncomfy. Especially because I am trying to step out of doing the safe thing all of the time, and to begin doing more stepping into.

So here it is. My first brain dump of 2011. And have I come to a conclusion, after spilling it all? Can I say where I'm leaning?...My heart skips a beat at Fearless, and I think that's a good sign. I also really love the idea of Flourishing. That's all I've got. I promise not to stew over it too much longer. And I will certainly keep you posted. Maybe just maybe...I'll do some fearless flourishing.

As I last left this post, I was certain that FEARLESS was the right answer. I was thinking that it was right. That big and scary had to be the answer. After several hours have passed, I've had some quiet time, a walk with the dog, a shower (where I do some of my best thinking), and nourished myself with a little food. And through all of it was a knowing. To stand firm where I am. To allow myself to blossom from the very roots that I have been tending. That is what being fearless is to me right now. BEing where I am. Who I am. Is what I want for myself this year. To flourish. Bloom. Blossom. Sprout. Proliferate. Prosper. With fearless I am worried that I might just get lost in doing, and not BEing. So there ya have it...it's official. FLOURISH it is. And her heart sings.....

:: In the interest of sharing some of my insanity with you, I decided not to edit this post, and make it seem like I was clear all along about my word. Or that I don't overthink things. Or take the easy way out. Sometimes I am all over the place. Sometimes I make myself crazy. Sometimes I take the path of least resistance. Sometimes I spin in circles until I collapse. Sometimes I am brave, and listen to the answers I already know. In the end, I'm always me - sometimes bubblegum, hearts and rainbows, sometimes dark and twisty lunatic. And I like it all. Especially now that I embrace it.

it always calls me home.

2010-12-06T11:06:00.000-08:00

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

BEing in the moment is really an important part of my life, and so is creativity. Prior to the holiday season, I hadn't made my rings in a while. I sat down in my ~~dining room~~ studio, and got all of my beads out. The excitement of the colors, and textures felt good. Like sitting down with a long lost friend. With each bead I strung, I said an affirming word...I always say that they're made with love, and this practice reminded me of the power of that. I want anything I create, whether it's a ring, or artwork, or something I've sewn, to be infused with love and positivity. The rings make me happy. Creating makes me happy. And getting my hands on the materials brought it all back. I separate myself from my creativity sometimes...but it always calls me home.

My hope for the next year, is that I'll own my creativity more. Claim being an artist. Make more time for it. Clear space for it. BE in it. Allow it to flow through me. Get good and messy. And have fun.

:: This post is written as part of Gwen Bell's Reverb 10 - on the website, it's described as an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.

a perfect circle.

2010-12-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

At the beginning of 2010 I found myself thinking about things I needed to let go of. My need for control. Expectations. Creating scenarios in my head – if I want this…x, y and z have to happen or be in place. If they aren’t it won’t happen....couldn’t possibly happen. Then an interesting shift happened, I began noticing some of the “shoulds” falling away. And embracing became it’s perfect counterpoint. Embracing abundance. Understanding that I am worthy exactly where I’m at – no list of conditions have to be met, to make me so. Wrapping my arms and mind around surrender, and what that looks like for me.

Letting go, and embracing go hand in hand - I feel as though I can't talk about one, without mentioning the other. If I give too much attention to the things that I think I need to let go of…the “shoulds” can take over. And let's face it...shoulds don’t get us anywhere, except in bed with our gremlins. Embracing what is, reminds me of the power of letting go in other ways. It’s like a perfect circle. Every time that I let go of something (whatever it is), I am opened up to embracing what is. And that’s where life (living) happens.

Much of my year has been focused on releasing things that don’t serve me. Relationships that no longer work. Expectations. Lists of conditions. Old stories that have lived on for years. And patterns of behavior fueled by those old stories. On the flip side, I've done a helluvah lot of embracing where I am. One thing I do know for sure, is that both of these things have opened up a tremendous amount of space in my life. And I’m excited to see what the work of this year, will bear fruit as in 2011.

wonderfull.

2010-12-04T09:22:00.001-08:00

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

The two things that came to mind when I read todays prompt are | Play and Being Present.

Making time for more play, and allowing my silly side out a little more, have both been ways that have created much wonder throughout this last year. I grew up much faster than I should have, and to begin allowing time for play vs. respsonsibility (or what I've deemed as responsible over the years) has been really freeing.

When I'm present, wonder is all around. Colors more vibrant. Sounds more clear. Smells more intense. And the amazingness of the world is certainly more evident. I find myself breathing in life and what's around me. Looking for shapes in clouds. Noticing individual blades of grass, instead of a sea of green grass. Looking at my dog's eyelashes and how amazing they are. Appreciating trees for their unique characteristics. Listening to birds sing. Taking in people's individuality, and celebrating it.

Practicing play and being present are something that I've really worked at this year. And a sense of wonder is a magnificent side effect that I wasn't expecting. As I read through this post, what stood out to me is that I've paid a lot of attention to individuality, and uniquities - maybe that's the key to wonder...awareness of the things that make us, and the world around us, unique and connected at the same time.

:: This post is written as part of Gwen Bell's Reverb 10 - on the website, it's described as an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.

breathtaking moments.

2010-12-03T15:42:00.000-08:00

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail - texture, smells, voices, noises, colors. (Author: Ali Edwards)

Feeling Alive ~

at the ocean :: salt. pure ocean air. crashing of waves. water gently kissing the shore. connection. seagulls. blues. greys. greens. white. pinks. purples. spray. collecting rocks. grains of sand. sea lions. people having conversations. dolphins. playing. wet. ease. life. quiet. home. fresh. words in the sand. meditation. solitude. peace.

when I'm playing :: free. silly. giddy. belly laughs. self confident. every color of the rainbow. skipping. twirling. snorts. abandon. awkward. fun. self conscious. dancing. powerful. making faces. connection. restoration. full heart. breath.

dancing in the kitchen with my love and our wonder pup :: singing. jingle of dog tags. an occasional bark. clapping. laughter. kisses. love. eukelele. breath. home. impromtu musical props. powerful. eau de labrador. dancing. giggles. authenticity. free. abandon.

cooking a meal with someone I love :: love. banter. garlic. onions. sauces. fragrant herbs. fills my nose. fills my heart. singing. wine. reds. greens. yellows. oranges. whites and cremes. purples. cold. collaboration. wood. chopping. heat. shredding. kneading. steam. steel. messy hands. connection. breath. full hearts. full bellies.

squishy down filled blankets, pillows and talking :: fluffy. cozy. squishy. words. laughter. confessions. quiet. breath. safety. heavy. lighthearted. dream sharing. warmth. open. serious. trust. giggles. gentleness. connection. authenticity. essence. soft. truth. intimacy.

on the yoga mat :: breath. chanting. vidwan incense. singing bowls. quiet. peace. power. trust. warmth. rest. stretching. balance. meditation. flow. heat. music. now. challenge. breath. softness. gentle. mindfulness. squishy mats. wood on bare feet. connection. personal. back to breath.

paints, art supplies, and messy hands :: gel medium. paint. wood. canvas. brushes. stroke. music. random. shiny. matte. every color of the rainbow. fibers. smooth. full heart. gooey. bumpy. rough. flow. free. rush. dry. wet. balance. out of my head. challenge. breath. messy hands. permission to have fun.

in the presence of trees :: the smell of soil. leaves rustling. rough. smooth. gnarled. life. fresh air. connection. birds singing their songs. breezes. crunch. sparkle. glisten. shadows. breath. full heart. beauty. uniqueness. grace. strength. movement.

listening to a song that touches my soul :: swelled heart. chords. voices. rhythm. beauty. soaring. movement. flow. breath. tingle. rush. flood. happiness. nostalgia. connection. peace. sadness. home. joy. memories. knowing. singing. release.

having a good cry :: tears. cold on my cheeks. sobs. laughter. messy. truth. feeling deeply. breath. runny nose. snot. tightening. free. flood. soft tissue. forgiveness. music. memories. sadness. happiness. flashbacks. heartbreak. flow. celebration. wet. ugly. beautiful. release.

curled up on the sofa with my four legged baby :: softly snoring. warmth. furry. eau de labrador. breath. velvet ears. accepted. full hearts. love. connection. heart beats. safe. knowing. truth. adored. chocolate brown. pink. grey. authenticity. purity. in the moments when his head is on my chest, I can imagine what a mother's love for her child must feel like.

shopping for treasures at a flea market :: thrill. memories. pounding heart. swirly. over stimulation. beauty. colors everywhere. porcelain. threads. paper. cracks. tattered edges. well loved. imagining previous owners. calm. stories. photographs. milk glass. art. jewelry in all shapes and sizes. recycled bottles. cameras. vintage beauty.

when I'm present and listening :: words. essence. authenticity. trust. patience. presence. love. respect. truth. breath. beauty. the sound of your voice. connection. giving. quiet. laughter. tears. snorts. purity. full heart. amazed. thankful. honored.

speaking the truth even though I'm scared shitless :: trembling. heart pounding. bile. flushed. power. weakness. authenticity. truth. breath. tingle. strength. tension. free. release. rush. flash. trust. peace. lighter.

Couldn't boil it down to one moment. There are just too many that take my breath away.

:: This post is written as part of Gwen Bell's Reverb 10 - on the website, it's described as an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.

structure, schedules, and bears...oh my!

2010-12-02T10:51:00.000-08:00

December 2 Writing.

What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

When I saw today's prompt...my mind went into whirl mode. I have a feeling this post is going to be more whirl than substance. I'm going to let it be whatever it is. The point of it is to show up.

Time management is something that I've always had some trouble with, and I know there are definitely time suckers in my life. The television, and computer are two of the biggest. I spent a good portion of this year trying different schedules, and tools to see if I could find anything that felt right. The closest I've come to something that works are the monthly planners from Charlie Gilkey of Productive Flourishing.

I resist too much structure, though I need to have some, to get anything done. This is such a simple prompt, but it brings up a lot of ick for me. The simple answer is that I could eliminate some of my tv watching and that would free up time for writing, and my other creative pursuits. The longer answer is that I crave some structure, and want to find balance between my freespiritedness and having a schedule. On a deeper level, I didn't have structure as a child; I was a good kid, and made my way through. It's simply something that I didn't learn. This is where my compassion kicks in... and I remind myself that it can still be learned. I did fine when I was working for someone else. Where I notice it most, is in working for myself. At times I feel like a lost little girl, in a creative entrepreneur's body. And all I can do is be where I am.

:: This post is written as part of Gwen Bell's Reverb 10 - on the website, it's described as an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.

*I was over at unabashedly female (because Julie is amazing), and read this post that is the antithesis of this one, and makes sense of why I was feeling so icky about writing this post. Here's the link.

an investment in me.

2010-12-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

Last year I participated in Gwen Bell's blog challenge, and it was a transformative experience for many reasons. The time to reflect on the year was so good. And meeting so many amazing people, has absolutely changed my life and expanded my world beyond what I could have ever imagined. So here we are on day one.

I chose Expand as my word for 2010, and as it turns out, I did. Today's prompt asks us to encapsulate our year in one word, and Expand rings true...so I'm sticking with it!

After several years of major change, and having moved into a cocoon like phase, I was ready for growth, expansion, and stretching beyond all of my comfort zones. I started the year by participating in * The Courageous Year with Kate Swoboda. I took Flying Lessons with Kelly Rae Roberts. I became a Fire Starter with Danielle LaPorte. I worked with the amazeballs Michelle Ward, the When I Grow Up Coach. I did 30 days of yoga - the karma edition, with Marianne Elliott. And I've been rounding out the year with Vivienne McMaster in her self portrait e-course You AreYour Own Muse (this really put a magnifying glass on my comfort zone, in ways that I am still exploring). The reason that I mention all of these things first, is because in the past I wouldn't have thrown myself into so many things, with so many unknowns. It was a challenge for me to put myself out there. To participate. To allow myself to be seen and heard. And it was gooood. Really good. Also, on a deeper level...participating in all of these things, was about self care. And understanding that I am worth it.

I was reminded that we are all more alike than different, and have connected with more like minded souls than I can even wrap my brain around. With the interwebs...I now have friends all over the world. And have made friendships that I know will last a lifetime. How amazing is that? I've had trust issues exposed, and have been faced with moving through that. More expanding happened when I stopped talking about yoga, and began a practice. I love it so much, I really could marry it.

I've practiced more stillness, and self care in the last year than I have ever. E v e r. Finding myself in situations where I'm able to practice being present, and able to compassionately see my inner child and her feelings and make choices based on that, has been a world rocker for me. Reactionary choices based on the feelings of my inner wounded child doesn't feel powerful. Feeling the feelings, knowing where they come from, and stepping into choice as the adult me...is. One of the most powerful things I have ever felt, in fact.

Expansion has been present in every crack and crevice of this year. Even in the small bits. The quiet moments. When I was BEing right where I was at. The times when it felt like nothing was happening. At. All. As I sit and reflect on the year...it's really been amazing. In retrospect, this year has been about investing in myself. And what better of an investment is there...really? I actually expanded my way into seeing and embracing my own worth.

*I chose to add all of the links above because these people, e-courses, and coaching etc. have played a big part in my 2010. I truly believe in the value and worth of them, and what they bring to the world. I also included them, because prior to this year...I would have used every excuse about money & time that I could come up with to not participate. This past year, I made me important enough and what I needed showed up. Each and every time.

things I'm grateful for - day 2

2010-11-20T13:00:00.000-08:00

And the list goes on....

smiles - from anyone
having a roof over my head
clean drinking water
my fireplace
my grandparents
my sight (it used to be that I couldn't read the big E on the eye chart)
alone time
fresh air
the warmth and coziness of a down comforter
C being a great cook

friday gratitude

2010-11-19T10:50:00.000-08:00

With Thanksgiving around the corner, I thought I would share a few of the things that I'm feeling grateful for.

friendship ~ my life is full of amazing women, and I feel honored to know each and every one of you. At yoga yesterday, there was a beautiful reading from "Anam Cara - A Book of Celtic Wisdom" by John O'Donohue, the title translates to soul friend. Today I'm feeling inspired to share a quote with you.

"Love allows understanding to dawn, and understanding is precious. Where you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release yourself into the trust and shelter of the other person's soul." John O'Donohue - Anam Cara

retreats ~ I haven't shared that in March I'm going to attend Creating Stillness a retreat with Kate Swoboda, and her lovely retreat assistant, and my dear friend Darlene Kruetzer. I am so excited to be going! I have spent the year with these two amazing women online and via the phone - I can't wait to spend some face to face time with them and the other lovelies who will there, and have some time for me. It's in Northern California (in the Monterey area) and there are 3 spots left. Here is how Kate describes it:

** A weekend spent on the Monterey Peninsula in Pacific Grove, CA, where you’ll be surrounded by the smells of cedar and eucalyptus, with the ocean just a ten-minute walk away.

** Writing, photography, and stillness practices that are all geared towards one thing: slowing down, and getting courageously present.

** A queen sized bed loaded with pillows–and a pillowtop mattress calling your name.

** Plush towels and jacuzzi jets in the full-sized tub.

** A fireplace to sit in front of, while wrapping your hands around a mug of hot cider.

** Quiet. Presence. Sinking into you.

I'm hoping that this is going to be the first of many retreats that I treat myself to in the coming years. Girl time with heart. I l o v e it.

yoga ~ I felt the call and I resisted. For years. When I moved past all of my fears and excuses, I fell in love. It centers me. It puts me in positions (literally and figuratively) that challenge me. It calls me to make the time for myself and my practice. It's changing my body in ways that I can't explain. And now I cannot imagine life without it.

I'm also feeling so thankful for my C, my chocolate dog (who is curled up next to me right now), for my health (last year I was so sick at Thanksgiving that I wasn't able to eat!), for boots, and striped socks, oh and boysenberry pie (I've been indulging a bit). I think I'll leave it here for now...

Do you have a gratitude practice? Journaling, meditating, or any other expression of gratitude that you do on a regular basis? I'd love to hear about it.

someone I need to let go, or wish I didn't know.

2010-11-10T12:47:00.000-08:00

Day 10 - someone I need to let go, or wish I didn't know.

I've been thinking a lot about friendships that aren't working. It's interesting to look at them from where I'm standing now, versus when I was younger...even just a few years younger. I have a much better idea of who I am now. And have a clearer picture of who I've always been. I have certainly had friendships with people who thought that I should be different. That if I did this or that, I'd be better, stronger, smarter, more grown up. I used to take that in, and I know it fed into my stories.

I had an interesting experience with an old friend a while back. We were reconnecting, spending more time together, and sharing with each other. One day she told me that she really appreciated my input. She said she thought that I was so level headed and fair (libra), and then she proceeded to say that she thought that I had changed so much. My first thought was....really? I have always been that way, maybe you have changed and now you can finally appreciate me (hello ego). I let it go. There is some deep truth in that feeling though. This is a friendship where I have never been accepted as I am. And in that moment of feeling approved of, and liking it...I got an icky feeling.

Approval from others is not what rules my life. It did for a long time. Now that I appreciate myself for the person that I am (flaws and all), it's easier to see whether a relationship is healthy or not. This is where I'm at, and what I'm considering these days. The friendships that aren't authentic, loving, and mutually supportive are the "someones" I need to let go of. Feels good and scary, all at the same time.

someone I didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

2010-11-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

Day 9 - someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

I moved in across the street from her just before I turned 7, she was two years younger than me. I don't know that the age difference was ever apparent. Of course throughout school, we had other friends at school that were in our own grades, but we were like sisters. Always. Throughout life, we shared everything. Secrets, stories, fun, and heartbreaks. I moved away, and she was with a boyfriend who treated her like shit. She was the maid of honor at my wedding. I didn't even know that she married the "boyfriend" at the courthouse. Over time we drifted.

It hurt me to see her with him. To hear the stories. To see her hurt. I was newly married, and I slinked away from our friendship. We talked recently and I had the chance to apologize for that. I was able to tell her that I have been carrying guilt for not being there for her. For walking away because I was uncomfortable (it stings to even write that). She said she understood. And we vowed to be better about keeping in touch. Our lives have changed greatly, and we don't have the time to be inseparable. But the bond is still strong and I intend to keep that promise. She's a beautiful person, her friendship means the world to me, and I can't say I've known any other friend that long.

30 days of truth

something I need to forgive myself for.

2010-11-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

Day 3 - something I need to forgive myself for.

I need to forgive myself for running. Running from things that scared me. Things that felt too huge to handle. I ran when my Grandma was dying. I ran from my step daughter when my marriage ended. I ran when my ex husband died – I ran straight to distraction. Away from reality, and straight to the internet, and television. I left my new love to handle everything in our real everyday life. I left. Period. Physically I was here, but it wasn’t the same. It’s taken years to return home. Home to me.

Part of this is forgiving myself, and part of it is letting go of the story that I am a runner. A quitter. An abandoner. A person who hides from things. Because the truth is, I have also done my fair share of brave things. Big things. Scary things. And I’ve stayed and faced things head on. So there it is. Forgiveness and letting go. I think that it’s equal parts…you must be able to let go to forgive. I wish it was as easy as writing a permission slip. *here you go…forgiveness granted.

The good news is that my story is revealed. It’s out in the light, exposed and seen by me and now by you. Once it’s out there, all lit up, it’s easier to spot again. To see the truth. And that’s when the real forgiveness can begin. The story can be let go of, and the truth can be claimed.

Today I am thankful for the people in my life who listen to my stories, and who see my truth.

30 days

something I love about myself.

2010-11-02T11:09:00.000-07:00

Day 2 - something I love about myself.

I’m struggling with writing this. Not because I can’t think of things that I love about myself (which makes me smile wide)…but because I am just plain struggling to write. So I am going to just cut to it, because participating in this 30 days is important to me.

The thing that stands out to me is my capacity to love. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. For me this means that, I can still see someone, through pain and hurt, through fucked up circumstances, through joy, and through everyday life. There is a part of me, a very deep part of me where love is so strong, that it sees through the shit that we all have, and is able to see the purest part of someone. I don’t know where it comes from. And I can’t say that others always understand it. In fact, it’s been questioned many times.

As my first marriage came to an end, I was asked time and time again, what I was thinking? What was wrong with me? How could I choose love for someone that had caused me so much pain? All I can say, is that I just did. The truth is, that he was a beautiful person who was never able to understand that he was amazing. He was tortured, charming, sensitive, complex, funny, loving, and more. Yes, he made choices that caused me immense pain, but he also made choices that cost him his life. It was during this time that I not only chose love for him, I also began to choose it for myself. It was back then, that I began to fall in love with me.

I’ve been in situations, over and over, where the person that someone really is…speaks to me more than the actions they are choosing. Not because I am letting them walk all over me, or I’m allowing them to behave badly. In fact, I have been known to begin the conversation when I’ve been hurt. There is just something that takes over…and the only way I can explain it, is my capacity to love. And I have to say, that I really love that about myself.

Today I am thankful for the right to vote. And have my voice heard.

30 days

something I hate about myself.

2010-11-01T14:05:00.000-07:00

Day one - 30 Days of Truth - Something I ~~hate~~ dislike about myself.

As I sit immersed in learning to accept myself for the person that I am, I'm finding it hard to write about something that I dislike about myself. Not that there aren't things, because I could easily get going on a list of things that I feel I should be, or be doing differently. I find that I sit in judgement about a lot of things when it comes to me, and this question makes me feel like I could easily slip into a little self bashing. So with that awareness, I will truthfully and gently share what comes to mind...

I suffer from analysis paralysis. I gather information, and more information, and then a little more information, and then maybe just a little more before I act. And then often, I am acting because I get to that shit or get off the pot moment (either deadline or self imposed). I've also called this procrastination. When it was suggested to me that this may just be my process...my exact words were - if that's true I'll kill myself. Dramatic? yes - really kill myself? no. The thought of laboring over decisions for the rest of my life seems unbearable. I choose to accept that this is part of my process at the moment; I'm learning to trust myself and my inner voice. I remind myself often that I have permission to experiment, to fail, to succeed. Permission granted. Period.

And one thing I've discovered is that my inner little girl is still suffering from a life that was out of control, didn't feel very safe, and had very little certainty. I'm learning that I need to take her by the hand and give her some of the things that she was missing back then. A little guidance, some assurance, and lots of love. Getting in touch with her has been a real gift; it's empowered me in ways I can't explain. As we heal together, the trust is slowly building. The two of us will make one amazingly powerful woman, who stands firm in who she is and the decisions she makes. And when I waiver and waffle (because let's be real, I will) I'll remember the permission slip that allows me to be human.

So yes. I dislike the analysis paralysis, and that I do it. It's uncomfortable, and frustrating. And since running from the discomfort hasn't helped much up to this point, I sit with it, until I can move through it.

*Just for fun - the visual running through my head: me, and me as a little girl walking out of smoke with a fire blazing behind us...with our hands joined and raised victoriously. And possibly a celebratory jump into the air - feet kicked out to the side. Dramatic? yes. And silly? of course.

I think as part of my 30 days of truth, I'm also going to add one thing each day that I'm grateful for. Today it's being in touch with my playful side.

30 days

30 days of truth.

2010-11-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

I was over at my friend dar's blog and saw that she is going to take part in "30 Days of Truth" during the month of November. I am thinking of taking this challenge on...speaking my truth is a practice I'm actively engaging in, and I could certainly use the prompts. Since I have been away from blogging for the most part, I'm gently stepping in. With the intent of doing the full 30, while also giving myself the space to do what I do.

Here is the list in case you would like to join in the truth telling ~

Day 1 :: Something you hate about yourself

Day 2 :: Something you love about yourself

Day 3 :: Something you have to forgive yourself for

Day 4 :: Something you have to forgive someone for

Day 5 :: Something you hope to do in your life

Day 6 :: Something you hope you will never have to do

Day 7 :: Someone who has made your life worth living for

Day 8 :: Somone who made your life like hell, or treated you like shit

Day 9 :: Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted

Day 10 :: Someone you need to let go or wish you didn't know

Day 11 :: Something people seem to compliment you the most on

Day 12 :: Something you never get compliments on

Day 13 :: A band or artist that got you through some tough days (write a letter)

Day 14 :: A hero that has let you down (write a letter)

Day 15 :: Something or someone you can't live without, because you've tried living without it

Day 16 :: Someone or something you can definitely live without

Day 17 :: A book you've read that changed your views on something

Day 18 :: Your views on gay marriage

Day 19 :: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 :: Your views on drugs and alcohol

Day 21 :: (scenario) You've gotten into a fight with your best friend and an hour later, she's in a car accident. What do you do?

Day 22 :: Something you wish you hadn't done in your life

Day 23 :: Something you wish you had done in your life

Day 24 :: Make a playlist to someone and explain why chose those songs. (Just post the titles, the artist and letter)

Day 25 :: The reason you believe you're still alive today

Day 26 :: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 :: What's the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 :: What if you got pregnant, (or got someone pregnant), what would you do?

Day 29 :: Something you hope to change about yourself and why.

Day 30 :: A letter to yourself. Tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

I'm Going to be My Own Muse (yikes).

2010-10-30T14:48:00.000-07:00

I've been absent from this space for the most part over the last couple of months, I've been going through a bit of a shift and haven't been sure what to write about, or how to express it. One thing that I have been doing is practicing massive amounts of gentleness, and noticing of the judgements I pass on myself on a regular basis. The noticing helps me tremendously, and those are the times when I've really been able to step into being gentle. It's been an intense time of growth, stretching, quiet, looking inward, being present, and lots and lots of breathing.

I recently had a birthday, and I don't know what it is about this year...it feels like it's going to be a big one. A hugely blessed year. And I'm off to a helluvah start. Understanding things about myself that have eluded me up to this point. Seeing the world in new and exciting ways. Feeling this g i a n t heartspace ready for whatever is yet to come. And leaning into some things that really scare me.

One of the scary things that I'm doing is participating in Vivienne McMaster's You Are Your Own Muse e-course, focused on self portraits. Being photographed makes me squirmy to begin with, and then my own insecurities of not being a photographer come into play. If I've ever been asked to list something (some secret desire) that I have an interest in doing, photography is always there. Do I carry a camera around with me? no. Am I the one at parties, and on vacations snapping all of the photos? no. Do I hear the whisper? yes. One thing I will say, is that as scared as I am, I'm also excited about it. I'm looking forward to seeing myself in new and unexpected ways. And I'm looking forward to seeing the other lovely participants through their eyes. Leaning into the fears, and loving myself along the way. It's going to be one big beautiful messy experiment.

Vivienne is leaving registration open for a bit, and there are just a few spots left. The musing begins on November 1.

A Bit of San Francisco.

2010-10-05T08:34:00.000-07:00

On my recent trip to San Francisco I stumbled across the Women's Building in the Mission District. I had been told to see it, but then happened upon it without even trying. The murals are stunning. And the singing and dancing coming out of the open window made my heart full. I think I could've stayed all day and listened to the sounds emanating from the building.

I was also bound and determined to get to Tartine for their morning buns. It was my birthday morning, and so we went. Behold my morning bun....(insert angels singing)

We also tried their brioche bread pudding with seasonal fruit, which was so good too. Another place I could've stayed awhile...in fact, I saw a few other things that looked amazing (perhaps next trip?). We walked Valencia, and went into some shops...made a few purchases, and then drove around the area a bit. C is obsessed with getting his bearings in new places, and exploring neighborhoods. The day brought some challenges due to the fact that we were driving....and let's face it public transportation is the best way to get around the city. Due to C's aforementioned obsession, we drove. It was really fun to see the neighborhoods - I could look at homes/buildings/architecture all day, so in the end we were both happy. Oh! and did I mention that right after breakfast we went over and had ice cream at bi-rite? Nothing wrong with a little sugar overload first thing in the morning right? It was so worth it! I'd love to spend a little more time in the mission. There were so many shops and eateries to experience. I think a girls trip is in order. Any takers?...

I'll be sharing more pictures soon.

Celebrating Me.

2010-09-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

Thinking of birthdays, and celebrating me. Honoring myself isn't always easy. I am three weeks away from entering a new decade, and so I will celebrate where I've been, and what is yet to come. All things big and small.

This year, there is a bit of sacredness around my birthday. There is both tenderness, and hope. There are tears, and happiness. I'm embracing it all, and am ready to look forward to what's ahead. I'm going to be taking a road trip to Northern California with C, and spending a couple of days in San Fran. Enjoying the coast all the way - up and back down again. This year, more than parties, I long for circling up with those that I love, and celebrating life as it is. Intimacy, and love. That's where I'm at. Oh....and I also long for shoes. And boots. I've been feeling a little obsessed lately. I think I will be doing some shopping while in SF so if you've got any great spots, please share.

This weeks five things, celebrate me.

I went to school for interior design and paid for it myself, despite not being supported or understood by my family. They didn't think I could make any money doing it. I did it anyway.

I've always had my own sense of style. I've gotten a lot of "that's so you" in my lifetime. When I was younger it hurt me sometimes. Now, I say thank you.

I can make a mean turkey meat loaf. In fact, C said when he got home today, that he could eat it everyday. I have a couple of meals that I do well, and I take pride in them.

I am not, nor ever will I ever be interested in spending so much of my time cleaning that I have no time for fun. Fun always wins out. And because we don't love living in a mess, we work it out. I like this about myself.

While I am no domestic diva, my house is filled with love. And that's something I can celebrate.

It's amazing how hard I had to think to come up with this list. My darling little inner critic chiming in...now you don't want anyone to think that you're too full of yoursef, so be careful. I hear you dear one. And while I'll admit that I walked the safe line, I'm happy that I did it anyway.

What things about yourself do you celebrate? And is it hard for you? I'd love to know.

We All Have Our Own S#@t.

2010-09-06T18:39:00.000-07:00

I left the house this morning in sweats, and a baseball cap hoping to make it to Costco before it got crowded. As I turned the corner onto a main street along the way, a truck came barreling up behind me. The driver got angry, swerved into the lane to the left of me, and then....just about took off the front end of my car while swerving back in front of me. I have to admit, it pissed me off. I was irritated, and shaken by the aggression that was shown. I moved over a lane, and as I came to a stop at the light, the truck started backing up, I rolled my window down, and so did he. "What did you say bitch?" is what came out of his mouth, I had said nothing yet. But my adrenaline was pumping, and I said, "You need to get a grip".

I was not prepared for what happened next. He screamed at me. And screamed at me. And called me names. And called me more names based on judgements he made about me. And as this was unfolding, I said quietly to myself - oh. I get it now. In that moment I felt so much compassion for him. All I could see was his anger. His face all twisted up and red. His rage. And I knew that it could not possibly be directed at me. This was something deeper. Luckily, the light changed. He got in front of me, and slowed way down, and flailed his arms, and looked like he was still screaming. I stayed back as far as I could, until he sped away. And I shook for about an hour afterward.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about him all day. I've been wondering what must be going on in his life to make him act out that way. I have been sending loving thoughts, and peaceful energy his way. One of the things that I wished I would've done differently is to not engage him. To not have rolled down my window, and said anything. As I write those words, I also can't help but wonder if I was supposed to have that interaction...maybe he needed a little good energy sent his way today.

We never know what is going on with someone. And it's so easy to get caught up in emotions. To call names, and to judge people. We are all people. Flesh. Bones. Hearts. Souls. What if we could just remember that all people are more alike than different? Remember that we all have things going on in our lives. What if we could separate from political ideals, from skin color, from gender, from sexual orientation, from social class, from religious beliefs? And just remember that we all have our own shit. Our own happinesses. Our own heartbreaks. Our own challenges. Our own victories. Our own defeats. And remember that the only thing that really matters is love for one another. Love for another human being, no matter what.

I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight until I wrote about this. I have to say thank you to this man, this human being. For making me feel today. And for making me think. And for giving me the opportunity to love.

It's Been a Wild Week.

2010-09-03T12:44:00.000-07:00

It's been a wild week. I had amazing, quiet moments of reading. I read Pema Chodron's "When Things Fall Apart", and it's so good. Seriously. Good. In fact, I turned around and started it all over again this morning. I also overcommitted myself to things that don't serve me. I was offline more than I wanted to be, yet I think I needed it. I started a new eating routine. Experienced more technical difficulties with the computer than I care to discuss. Had the world's worst PMS. Felt all out of sorts with my life, and out of touch with the things that bring me joy. Sat in the feelings I was having. Overcame a huge mental block with yoga, and finally went. Saw places in my life that I am not setting boundaries, and also set a few boundaries. It's been a roller coaster. And at some point, I finally sat back and decided to enjoy the ride.

5 things I'm grateful for this week -

watching my pup in the side mirror of the car, with his ears and his lips flapping in the wind.

time to read, and the peace and quiet that came along with it.

the opportunity to see the issues I have with setting healthy boundaries.

y o g a.

the support of good friends. friends who care about you, and your well being. out of pure love.

Where have you been this week? And what are you grateful for?

photo {source}

you can do anything.

2010-08-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

This was shared via facebook this morning by Danielle Fraser, and WOW is it good stuff! The things we know as kids, and forget along the way....

for all of us.

2010-08-21T14:17:00.000-07:00

card source

Hello Friday.

2010-08-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here looking back on my week so far, and I'm feeling grateful for my phone's camera. I snapped more photos this week than I have in a long time...and I'm so happy I did! This week's 5 {8} things is going to be in photos....(ok, so half of them). My week has been full of so many blessings.

My funniest moment of the week. I tried to tweet about this incident, but it was really hard to convey in 140 characters. I got the biggest and best belly laugh. It started with me running an errand, and I wanted to take the pup along. I put him in the backseat, and noticed the trash cans needed to be pulled in (glamorous real life detail), so I ran out and did that. I promptly hopped in the car and drove off....It wasn't until I was halfway to my destination that I became aware of the pup acting strangely, and noticed the golf clubs in the back seat (with the dog!).

I called him up to the front seat...thinking that he would sit on his butt and ride like the gentleman that he is (most of the time), and he simply could not wrap his brain around sitting (actually sitting down) in that seat. So he rode like this the whole way, with me laughing and laughing, and trying to explain sitting in the passenger seat to him. This was the best shot I could get, since he is so big and I was so close.

Me just moments after checking into the hotel on our mini vacation. On the deck of the balcony...breathing in the ocean air.

Sitting outside at the hotel restaurant, and enjoying happy hour with friends. Sun kissed cheeks, the sound of the ocean, conversation, cocktails, and laughter. Nuf said.

Me the day after we returned home. Working on a painting (which is calling me back to finish as I write this). I was feeling the call of duty and responsibility...unpacking, house cleaning, e-course work, etc. and yet the whisper to paint was greater. So I went with my heart. Resumed work on two canvases in progress, and one that was blank and waiting for love. It was a very good choice.

The other great part of my week, has been feeling the urge to dabble in design again. It's calling me, and I'm happily looking at ways that will work for me. One of which is to hold a local sale with a fellow design friend...featuring some of the flea/vintage finds I am collecting! (note to self...snap photos while out shopping).

I also had a chance to reflect on, acknowledge, and let go of an old story. We were driving near UCSD, and I was reminiscing about being on campus with an old friend. I remember feeling a sense of reverance standing in a lecture hall, loving the beauty of the campus, and wishing I could go there. This made me remember a similar experience on the campus of UCSB. The tears flowed. I was telling C that I always wanted to go to University, and that I just don't think that I believed that I deserved it. I let the tears fall, and I said...I'm sad for that girl. And I am so happy that today I know that she did, and I do.

Getting some love notes/tweets from happy ring purchasers. Oh, how I love that. It makes me happy to know that so many amazing women are out there wearing my rings.

Oh...and reconnecting with people you love on facebook (Chloe). Highlight of the week for sure!

I hope that your week has been full of blessings, realizations, belly laughs, and connecting with people you love.

all sorts of courageousness.

2010-08-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago I signed up for Kate Swoboda's newsletter. I had found her through one of the other blogs I read, and I felt drawn to her spirit. When I found out that she was taking a leap, and leaving her day job to start The Courageous Year (amongst other things), I knew I had to participate. I went through all of the excuses I could come up with. The biggest of them was, I can't afford it (see my - lack story). My desire to participate, led to my decision to dive in anyway. I went with it and trusted that everything would work out. And I'm so glad I did!

I can't even begin to tell you all that I have gotten out of being a participant in the Courageous Year. The changes that I have experienced have been a mixture of clearly evident, and very subtle. Some of the shifts I've seen in myself have snuck up on me. For instance, I started noticing that when I was out and about, I was more present, and interacting more with people that I came across throughout my day (see my - I'm shy story). I notice that I am tremendously more aware of the stories that I carry with me, and how they affect my life. I can identify when I'm living out of the story, and not in the present moment. And I've come to realize that my inner critic is not out to get me, she just chooses safety over anything else. It's all been such good stuff. Seriously.

Kate is super generous, and gives of herself so freely. She uses her own personal experiences as a means of teaching, and you can really see how the tools she shares are used in her own life. On top of that there are the forums, where I have met some really amazing women, and it provides another opportunity to be witness to the tools being used in real life. I told Kate that the money that I have spent on this e-course is the best investment I have ever made, and I meant every word of it. It's been a great investment in me.

I am honored to have been interviewed by Kate over at her blog, and wanted to share a bit about her with all of you. You can read her love letter to the world here. And if you haven't watched this video of hers yet, you should. She is so crush worthy, and I could go on....however, I will leave you to find out for yourself.

A Brief Bio:

Kate Swoboda is a life coach, teacher, and writer living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She supports women from around the world in making powerful choices and rocking out their lives (side note: this involves a lot of courageous laughter, love, acceptance, and not taking ourselves too seriously). When she’s not writing, leading retreats in Italy, or connecting with other courageous women, she can be found sipping chai in libraries, buffing up on her Italian, taking photographs, or getting all bendy-stretchy on the yoga mat. Learn more at http://www.yourcourageouslife.com .

About the Courageous Year E-Books:

Courage is: Feeling afraid, diving in anyway, and transforming. The Courageous Year is a series of four downloadable e-book course modules that support you in courageous living. Organized topically and starting from a place of going deep into you and your individual journey, the Courageous Year also adds in a dose of connection (via the online Courageous Community) and one-on-one support (via sessions with Life Coach Kate Swoboda). The content, videos, and worksheets are designed to be worked at your own pace, making it ideal for people who want to step into their vision for their life while also having a life! Combined, all four course modules support you in making real shifts that you can work in manageable doses. Ultimately, it’s work that’s about heart, living big, and not just nurturing dreams but also creating real pathways for them to happen. For more information, see http://www.thecourageousyear.com .

Hello Friday.

2010-08-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

I'm so lucky to look at skies like these every night.

Happy Friday lovely ones. Every Friday, I've been posting some sort of fun facts, and last week I posted a list of things I loved about my week. This week, I'm doing both!

5 things about me -

I've discovered the beauty of contradictions. I used to think that it was unacceptable that I was both quiet, and full of moxie. That I was afraid to try things, and tenacious. That I was strong, and weak. etc. What a wonderous thing to embrace both all sides, and how really spectacular it is to be all of these things instead of any one. I cherish the conversations I've had on this subject.

Music is one of the things that I cannot live without. Somehow I forget for a few days or weeks, and then I put it on and my heart expands tenfold. And I remember again.

I once got up in the middle of the night to watch a meteor shower with my Grandpa, and it is one of my fondest memories ever. I think I was in my early 20's and living with my grandparents at the time. We laid on lounge chairs in the backyard looking up at the sky. Pure. Beauty. Simplicity.

I had a mole diagnosed as melanoma on my back in early 2009, and it changed my life. It was caught early, and removed. I kept almost all of my fear to myself, and I had a lot of it. What a lesson that was. It was such an intense experience...I would love to share a bit of it with you - a post will come.

I have been feeling the need to simplify, and de-clutter for some time. I've officially begun the work, and it feels good. Letting go to open up to what is yet to come!

Five things I love about my week -

painting! I worked on a piece that I've had half done, it's on its way... C said why did you ruin that piece? The truth is, I never looked at it as anywhere near being done. I can smile because no matter what anyone else thinks, I see and love the process and progress.

framing some of the prints I've had laying around. Now I can't wait to play with where they will hang....

sending off 2 lovely rings this week, and getting a love note once one of the girls made it to her new home. There is nothing better than hearing how happy someone is when they receive one of my packages. Love.

getting my hair colored! this was a much needed and wonderful treat this week.

fun with friends this weekend. We are heading down to San Diego for some R&R, and did I mention I'll be indulging in great food?

ok I'm sneaking in a 6th thing -

discussing details of a designer tag sale! Think fancy yard sale...with flea market, vintage finds, and maybe a few new unique things - mostly home related (at least for the first one). In Fall. As we figure it out, I'll share the deets.

As always, I'd love to hear from you. Either something you love about your week, or a fun fact. Please share it feels good.

yellow shoes. dog hair. and smiles.

2010-08-10T15:38:00.000-07:00

What's making you happy today?...For me, it's my new yellow shoes, they are collecting dog hair - and still making me smile. What simple pleasure is making you smile today?

5 things.

2010-08-06T15:18:00.000-07:00

five things I love about my week.

love from friends.

finishing something that was challenging me in ways I can't even explain.

buying art supplies.

finally donating those bags of clothes that have been riding around in my trunk.

love notes all over the place - reminding me to make it easy.

New Rings.

2010-08-04T23:22:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to give you a sneak peak at the new rings that I've either listed, or will be listing in my etsy shop in the coming days. And there are even more (not shown)! I'm so excited to be sharing these with you, I hope that they bring you as much joy as they do me.

Getting It.

2010-07-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

My weeks have been flying, and I haven't been spending much time here. I've been making time for play, reading, and really just being where I am. I've also been playing with squarespace, trying to build a website...and feeling a little lost in the process. I signed up for their free trial, to see how everything works and if I can maneuver my way around...it turns out that it's a little too technically fancy for me, but I'm thinking about giving it a shot anyway. I may just have to learn some code, and/or get someone to help me a bit.

One thing that I've realized over the last few weeks, is that I have the tendancy to make things hard. So, I'm currently working on a piece of art to remind me to "make it easy". I'm trying making it easy on for size this week...and am looking forward to seeing how it goes. I will definitely report my findings.

I'm so happy to have learned that it's possible to to rewrite your story. There are certain lessons that you come up against, over and over, and each time you take something away from it. Lately, I have been experiencing so many "oh, NOW I get it" moments. It's in those moments, that I am so grateful to be on this path. It's so worth it to realize not only with your head, but with your heart, and your entire being, the things that are truth. Your truth.

This is my big one right now (it's a lesson that I've faced many times...but this time it's sticking) - that the way I do things, and have done things, is ok. That where I'm at is ok. That my choices are ok. There is no wrong in them. There is nothing that can be done to change them, and that's ok too. There will always be more choices to be made...the weight of the world is not hanging on any one thing. It is, what it is. I am who I am. In this moment. And that's really freeing. To not have to spend so much time agonizing over making decisions, and overthinking everything. So much suffering goes out the window, at this point. yowza! I think there will always be more lessons to learn, and I'll continue to have the smaller needed lessons...the ones that lead to the bigger now I get it moments. That's ok too, in fact, I want them to continue coming. The beauty in getting something with your whole being, integrating it, is that it can no longer slip away. Of course there may be moments that I head back into the worry, and indecision...but the stay won't be as long, I can always come home to the truth. It's a part of me now, and because of that, I will always have access to that knowledge.

random fun.

2010-07-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

Hello Friday. You are a fun day aren't you? In your honor, and in keeping with the new tradition I've started...it's time for Fun Facts.

I cry at parades, dance recitals, kids school programs, during the olympics, and pretty much any other time when I am watching people do something that they have put a lot of time and effort into. Especially, when it's kids...but I am known to be an equal opportunity tear shedder. It's the empath in me, I'm sure. It's like I feel every bit of what they are feeling, and it's such a beautiful thing to see people sharing their performance with you.

These roller skates (not this particular pair of course) were one of my favorite things when I was a kid. My driveway was not level so we skated in the next door neighbors driveway next to their airstream (oh, how I loved that thing). And of course I went to the roller skating rink too.

What I'm smelling right now? My dog....and it's not good. 100lbs of it, is really bad. Perhaps a bath is in order this weekend.....

I have been having really vivid dreams for the last month or so, and can remember them clearly in the morning. Last nights featured a little white mouse that C found, he was holding it up to my face and all around me, trying to tease me with it. I felt a little squeamish about it, but that eventually passed. Hmmm. A little dream interpretation...sit with the squeamishness, and it will eventually pass? Or is there some symbolism with the white mouse?

I love birthdays. Mine, yours, anyones. I love em.When I was 19ish I bought a handpainted plate that says Happy Birthday in hopes of starting a future family tradition. Since we don't have our kiddos yet, C and I use it. C's birthday is on Christmas so I make sure that we always have bday time too - he gets the plate with breakfast.

I'm makin' it easy this week, so I hope you had fun with the random facts. Anyone want to take a stab at dream interpretation? Or share another one of your fun facts with me? I love that some of you have been playing along. Happy Friday!

*Did you happen to read this post this week? If not, you should.

How'd You Sneak Up on Me Friday?

2010-07-23T11:47:00.000-07:00

a boy and his mom

Here we are at another Friday. Yowza time flies as you get older! I am sitting here feeling a bit like today is a sacred day, I'm not sure why. I don't know that if I did, I could articulate it. I do know that my heart is full to bursting, and I am feeling such deep gratitude for the people in my life. I am a lucky girl. If you are reading this, then you are a part of the reason I feel so blessed. Thank you ♥

Since we are at Friday, I must share some Fun Facts....

In the photo above (taken yesterday) I was sporting two little buns that didn't show up (in shadow) as well as I would've liked. They made me feel cute!

I don't like raw onions (at all), but I do love the sweetness of one that is cooked to melt in your mouth goodness. My Grandma told me I would grow out of this, I guess she was half right.

I secretly love to sing. I was once told by my Dad that I sounded like a wailing cow, and that one comment knocked the wind out of my sails (despite being told by others that I was a good singer). Now I sing in the car when I'm alone, and around the house with C - he accompanies me on eukelele, and sings along sometimes too. Singing in front of people is something I have on my list of to do's.

I have blue eyes, and they are super sensitive to light. Because of this, you won't find me outside without my sunnies. Even on a grey day.

I cry, smile, and giggle everytime I watch this video . It's full of joy, self expression, beauty, and gets me every time!

I have a few more fun facts in my bag of tricks...but I have to keep it to 5 at a time. Seriously, what if I run out?!

Anyone else want to share? A tidbit, a video link that makes you happy, something you are grateful for? Anything?...

Connecting the Dots, and Big Dreams.

2010-07-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

Standing on the edge of big things. That's where I am. Now if only I were wearing such cute shoes! I find myself living in flip flops these days, though I certainly won't complain about that. I have been sitting on some ideas about where I would like to take my creative business, and really working on dreaming big. I am going to take a leap and mention some of the things that are running around in my head these days. I have only told a handful of people, and I'm thinking now is the time to put it out there for all to hear.

As you know, I'm an interior designer, and have been for 15 years. At the tail end of working for a large company which was about 5 years ago, I got really burned out. I wasn't getting satisfaction from my job anymore. The emphasis had become more about turn and burn...budget over good design, and about piling on as many clients/projects on me as possible. The truth is, I was miserable. I began my own design business, but the burn out and all of the anguish I was feeling as a result of the prior few years, was ruling my life. As a result, I have sort of thrown the baby out with the bath water, as far as seeing myself as a designer. I feel myself missing it more and more. This is part of the puzzle.

During this time, I began making my rings, doing a little soul searching, realizing that I had put my identity as an artist into a box, and exploring the things that make me really happy. Things that make my soul feel good. Part of this is getting back to painting. You see, when I was doing a lot of design work, that is when I was most happy...when I was procuring art, framing art and art prints, pulling people's art together into collections, etc. There has been this artcentric thing happening with me the whole time. Another part of the puzzle.

I also, over the last few years (really, a lot longer but that's story for another time) have dreamed of having a little lifestyle shop. One where I offer flea market and vintage finds for the home (and including a rack or two of vintage clothing), artwork, jewelry, as well as some specially selected items. Also, part of the puzzle.

Along with all of that, I have always had the feeling that in this lifetime, my work is to encourage / empower girls and women. What that would look like...I haven't been too sure. I really want to make a difference. I want to give back, and be a part of something that is bigger than me. Another puzzle piece.

I have this thing for connecting the dots...that's how I ended up going to design school in the first place. There is something to be said for looking back - all the way to childhood. There are answers there. I looked at everything that I've ever wanted to do, and thought about whether there was any kind of common thread. And in those things, I discovered that everything I had ever wanted to do was about how the physical space involved would look - the reason why I enrolled in school to study design. Lately, I have been connecting the dots again. And when I look back, there was a common thread of bringing women together. Gathering women in spaces that feel good, that light the soul, spaces that are uplifting.

A couple of months ago, I woke up out of sleep and had this stream of thoughts running through my head. A sort of connecting of the dots, or putting together of the puzzle pieces. Leading up to this night, I had been thinking that I would like to use my design skills to create spaces for women in transition.

On this particular night, here is what my stream of thoughts looked like...I could donate my time to design spaces for women who are going through some sort of life change, and need a boost. Would I need to form a non profit? Would I get people / companies to donate furniture, etc? I could use my love for vintage, and flea market finds to source some of the things that would go into these spaces. Oh, I could have a little shop that I set up to house and sell those items, and maybe that would help me raise money to design the spaces! What if that store could grow into a larger space, that could act as both a shop and a place to gather? I could use art from the artists / photographers that inspire me in the spaces (and maybe some of my own!). The larger space could have workshops taught by other creative women (and maybe a few by me), to help women explore and get in touch with their creativity. Classes / workshops in things like mixed media art, writing, painting, knitting, photography, jewelry making, etc. It could be a little safe haven for women to come and play, shop, commune, and grow. Maybe there would be specific classes that have a class going on at the same time for little ones, so that Moms that don't have baby sitters can still come and have time to create. And of course...conveniently, it could have a little cafe next door so everyone could hang and eat yummy healthy food. All of this supporting me designing these spaces, full of fabulous things, and art that is both beautiful and has positive meaning. Your space is a reflection of you and who you are; it's so important to have your surroundings reflect the real you...not the chaos, or drama or whatever may be going on in your life. That's what I would love to help achieve.

I let myself go even bigger and farther than what I've written above...I will do a part two soon. There is a lot to this, and I have been feeling a little overwhelmed and unsure of how this could work. I have also been feeling a sense of excitement and wonder at it all. This is what's really been going on in my head these days. I thought that this may just be the best place to start...putting it out there into the universe. Saying some prayers. Practicing a little magical thinking. And allowing myself to be seen and heard.

If you have thoughts, insights, are somehow part of how the universe is going to help me make this happen, or just want to write me a love note, please do in my comments. Or you can send me an email at - olive and hope {at} gmail {dot} com

{photo via sfgirlbybay} and it's for sale too : )

More Bits and Pieces.

2010-07-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

It's looking as though my Friday's F posts, are quickly turning into a regular ~~Fun~~ Facts series. I'm going with it, and not thinking about it too much because right now, I'm mostly interested in being invested and showing up. Even if showing up is all that I can do. So here goes ~

I am an only child. Born to parents that were barely out of their teens, and who often chose partying over parenting. I'm so thankful to know now that they did the best they could.

My Grandma on my Dad's side, always joked that she was my Fairy Grandmother. We had a lot of fun together. We watched sports (the beginning of my allegiance to the Lakers), played board games, colored and drew pictures, watched crime dramas on tv, went shopping, and read books. She was child like, and we connected deeply. We ate lots of carbs together, one of her signature dishes was beef stew and cinnamon rolls. She was one half of my Wonder Gram Duo.

My Grandma on my Mom's side, is really creative, though I don't think I realized that growing up. She is the one who knits, sews, does needlepoint, and cooks delicious food. Honestly, I don't know if she realizes how creative she is. I learned about eating healthy in her household...even if I didn't embrace what I learned until I got older. I was inspired by all of the fun things she does for hobbies - knitting, sewing, and needlepoint. She is the other half.

I could go on and on about my Grandmas, and all of the things I learned from them. It's amazing to be able to look back and clearly see the balance of what I was exposed to. One very liberal household, and one very conservative. One very religious, and one not so much. One household that always had pets, one that didn't. One that had a meat and potatoes kind of diet, and one that baked fresh bread, ate whole grains, and lots of lean meat and vegetables. One household was active and exercised regularly, and one that didn't. These are a few examples.

I am grateful for the family I was born into. All of it - the good and the bad. I believe I chose my family and that all was exactly as it should have been. My household with my parents was more chaotic than that of my grandparents, but I was provided with plenty of support in the form of family and friends. I have always been taken care of. Always loved by all of them. And today I stand firmly rooted in gratitude for all of it.

I have learned throughout life to keep things quiet. That it's better to not share what's going on, than to risk people really knowing. It may cause embarassment, or shame, or godknowswhat. This story is no longer serving me. It's made me an uber private person, and I have found myself regularly feeling nervous to write on my blog because of it. So I chose to share some of my history growing up as a way to dip my toes in the water. To test out talking about things that may make me a little squeamish. I don't want my blog to be just about struggles / life stuff, and I'm working out how to mix both the business side of what I'm doing with where I'm at. I would love for it to be a balance of both. I am who I am because of where I've been; I wouldn't be on my current path without all of it. My desire is for my blog to represent me - living authentically, creating, loving, running a creative business, finding my way, and stepping into my power. In order for it to be that, I must risk being seen. This is what my intuition is telling me. Over and over again.

Is your intution or inner voice whispering something to you? If so, what is it saying?

Fun Facts.

2010-07-09T16:13:00.000-07:00

Short and sweet. Friday's F today - fun facts.

I have all four of my wisdom teeth. I had four other teeth pulled when I got braces, and I guess that made room for them to slide on in.

I was legally blind until I had Radial Keratotomy which was the surgery before laser was FDA approved. I'm talking...not able to read the Big E on the eye chart! I remember one of the first things that I saw that shocked me - there were trees on the mountains, that I had lived at the base of since I was born. Man, was that a eye opening - literally. I did know there were trees up there, I had just never been able to make them out, until I was all the way up the mountain ;-)

Because of being legally blind until I was 21, and the impact it had on just about every aspect of my life...I have been on a mission to find a cool vintage eye chart to hang in my house. So if you ever come across one, let me know.

I have never been outside of the U.S. I have a wish list of trips, and plan to take them...don't you worry. Ironically, I married a man with massive travel anxiety - enough for both of us. Not so fun of a fun fact! *note to self, find travel companions.

I prefer dark chocolate. This is a new development...does this come with age?

If you feel like sharing something about yourself, please do. I'd love to get to know you better. Happy Friday!

photo {source}

Delicious Morning.

2010-07-06T14:14:00.000-07:00

It's official. I am schedule obsessed. Really. I'm starting to think that it may be a little unhealthy. I was writing my morning pages, and feeling totally blissed out. Then my brain turned to the time. I started down the road, you know the one...how did it get so late? I haven't gotten anything done! This is proof that I need a better schedule. You see the pattern. Then it came, a moment of wisdom. I took a breath and listed the things that I'd already gotten done this morning. It was a pretty good list, and I celebrated that. Then, I took another breath and listened to the quiet. Ah, bliss. Enjoying coffee, writing, feeling centered, and I thought this is a delicious morning...you should just enjoy it. And so I did.

It's now later in the day, and I'm back to the beginning. Ruminating over the things that I need to get done. It's time to breathe again, love the fact that I printed out Charlie Gilkey's free planners for July, and play with them a bit. It's all a practice, right? Bringing it all back to the here and now. Bringing it back to the center. And from that center...try things out, practice, allow things to be, see what works. For me.

My gift to myself this week? Permission to Experiment. What gift will you give yourself?

5 Years.

2010-07-03T07:44:00.000-07:00

Today is our 5 year wedding anniversary. And as I mentioned in an earlier post it's also 7 years together. I can hardly believe that it's been that long! Really. We have had our share of good and bad, and we are not perfect by any means. We are however, good together. We get each other. When others don't get us...we always do. It's such a beautiful thing to have a partner who is in it all the way. I'm so thankful for that, each and every day.

I thought that I would celebrate my love for my man with a gratitude list.

Thank you for...

loving me fiercely.
making me laugh.
being my best friend.
dancing in the kitchen with me.
seeing in me all of the things that I don't always.
believing in me.
playing the eukelele and teaching yourself new songs.
being such a fabulous cook.
always having my back.
loving our dog like he is our child.
singing songs with me.
holding my hand on a regular basis.
loving road trips as much as I do.
seeing me.
hanging with me, even as I'm kicking your butt at wii bowling.
waking up at the crack of dawn to take the dog out.
opening your heart to me.
doing your own laundry.
loving to go to shopping for candles and goodies for our home.
being completely invested in us growing old together.
braving traffic everyday so that you can bring home a paycheck.
taking your job so seriously and being a rockstar at it.
loving to read.
accepting the fact that I am no domestic diva.
putting up with my snobbish hotel standards.
believing that I am an artist, before I could.
making it a priority to save money.
being both sweet and cantankerous.
the exploding fist bumps.
helping me to trust again.
smelling like home to me.
teaching me how to make alfredo sauce and admitting mine is better.
accepting me for who I am.
loving to decorate for holidays with me.
sleeping with the windows open - even in winter. (I've adjusted!)
supporting me in going after my creative dreams.
giving me my space when I need it.
being one of the most loyal people I know.

I look forward to the rest of our lives together. The adventures that we will have. Building our family together. I am filled with hope for the future, and I know that big things are ahead for us. Things that we cannot even imagine are possible today. I have so much respect for you. I believe in you, and us. And I want to say thank you for walking side by side with me through life. Happy 5 years.

She's Earned Her Wings.

2010-07-02T19:04:00.000-07:00

I've officially graduated from flying lessons. Today I am donning my cap, my gown and my wings. I learned so much from taking this e-course, and I look forward to putting all of what I learned into practice. Some of the things that I want out of this life are to make good money, while running my own creative business. Have time for play, and friends and family. And to make a difference. I have some big thoughts on this subject...they actually came into being prior to me signing up for the e-course, and now since completing it...I can see that it's possible to do all that I want to. The most important place for me to start, is believing that it can become a reality. In this moment, I do. And when I have those feelings of overwhelm, and fear (which are sure to come) I will take a deep breath and come back to the start. Breathe. Believe. Begin again.

She takes off her cap, tosses it into the air and does a happy dance...Glass of bubbly anyone?

photo {source}

Renegade Craft Fair - LA.

2010-06-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

renegade craft fair

It's almost time again you guys! The Renegade Craft Fair. Hundreds of indie crafts artists and designers come from all over to be a part of this. We're talking handmade and unique, people! There will be clothing, housewares, posters & prints, plush items, ceramics, jewelry, stationery & more. I wanted to go to this last year, and missed it. So I thought that since it's on my radar again, I would share it with you guys (to either remind you or introduce you). If you are in the LA area (or even if you're not), maybe I'll see you there. I'm jumping up and down in anticipation!

Little Bits.

2010-06-29T17:26:00.000-07:00

Five things about me.

My husband and I got my Grandpa's old VW bus and restored it. We loved it, and it taught us so much about ourselves and what we were capable of. Sadly, we had to sell it in 2007. We called it Pappy, and we don't go a day without thinking about it.

That's my dog in the bus in the photo above. He had a love/hate relationship with the bus...he loved it, but really missed being able to put his head out the window while riding. I know this is really about the dog, not me...but he is my only child (so far) - I adore him and love to talk about him. See now? That was about me ;)

The curtains you see in the photo are the first thing I had ever sewn. They turned out great, and I discovered that I kinda like sewing!

I met my dearest on a blind date. Set up by our friends. The text I got on our date was, hot or not? My answer?....Hot. The rest is history.

My husband and I got married two years to the day of our first date. So we are about to celebrate our 5th and 7th anniversary.

I just wanted to share a bit about me, with you. Thank you for coming over and hanging with me. I so appreciate it. Maybe I will keep up with the tidbits...we oughta get to know each other if we're going to keep meeting like this. Right? Tell me something about yourself. I'd love to get to know you better.

Who's the Boss of You?

2010-06-28T15:21:00.000-07:00

I could get lost looking for the perfect photo for this post. Or...I could just write it. Action is seeming to be the better choice for me today. And hopefully for the next hundred days or so. Why 100? I don't know, it just sounded good. In this moment, I will consider taking action for one minute a success! I have the tendency to hide out, go off the grid, hide under the radar, retreat, and avoid when I am feeling fear. What do I feel fear about? You name it. Painting, calling myself an artist, the unknown, letting myself be seen, owning my power, living big. I do notice that the fear has less power these days. I think I've finally got it's number. Yep, that's right, I do. It's a lie. All lies. Hiding behind it is getting me nowhere. And moving through it might just get me everywhere.

I am receiving HEAPS of information in Kelly Rae Roberts e-course flying lessons, and I could easily hide behind that. Use the overwhelm (which is a fabulous overwhelm, by the way) to sit in the midst of indecision, and inaction. But my heart says try something new, put it out there. Play, have some fun, create! Give yourself permission to go for it. I won't let the lies that fear tells me become truth. Not today. Today my truth is that I wrote up a schedule for myself, one that will allow me to make my dreams happen. A schedule that includes time for work, and time for play. A work schedule. Written by me (the boss) for me (the employee). How lucky am I that I have the opportunity to write my own schedule?

You see there's a part of me that resists strict schedules, any schedules really. I don't want to feel trapped, restricted, or stuck. At the same time, I recognize the fact that I may be using those phrases to stay trapped, restricted, and stuck. What?! Hang with me...I'm uncovering the truth here. The truth is that being my own boss is a privilege, and I feel really lucky. The truth is that I use feeling trapped by a schedule as a way to play small. The truth is that I haven't been as successful as I would like, because I use hating schedules as an excuse. The truth is that I need a schedule. And the truth is, I get to write it, so I can make it as flexible as I want it.

Things may always be a little free flowing with me, but who the H E doublehockeysticks says that a schedule can't be. It most certainly can be whatever works. Does working from 6 in the morning til 2 in the afternoon float your boat? Go for it. Do you want to work from 8 at night until 4 in the morning? Go for it. Do you want to work in your jammies? Do you want to wear stillettos at home...whatever floats your boat. Do you want to take your computer to the coffee shop and write? Do it. Sit by the pool with your laptop. It's yours. Create art on the grass in your backyard? Have at it! Maybe you have a full time job, and you don't have much time to create...find a few minutes here and there, and make it important. Believe in it's importance. Believe in your importance. Whatever the case, don't let fear keep you from living the life of your dreams.

I get caught up in thinking of schedules as a traditional 9 to 5, or something along those lines. And it doesn't have to be. So I am embracing my free flowiness this week, amidst a schedule. We'll see how it works, and if it doesn't, I'll adjust it. It may be something that is ever evolving, and that's ok too. I'm taking charge of the fear, the inaction, and moving toward my future (even if it's in baby steps). I am the boss afterall.

2010-06-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

Bring Your Own Sunshine by pennywishes

Just a quick little post to share that I won an art print from pennywishes via Spring! It was such a lovely way to start the day. Kerry Ganiel of pennywishes says - All of her art is created with the hope to inspire and spread a little peace, love, and happiness. You gotta love that right? She's got some great prints in her shop, in fact I have my eye on a special piece to commemorate our 5th wedding anniversary which is right around the corner! Go have a looksy. Spring made the win possible, have you been over there yet? If not...you should find some time to take a look at all of the awesome stuff they have going on. It's a great place to go for inspiration, a good laugh, filling that head of yours with more smarts, great prizes, and some good old fashioned encouragement - straight from girls who are living their dreams. Hope your Tuesday is happy!

Flying Lessons. Rings. Authenticity and Play.

2010-06-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

Zinnia - chartreuse ring by olive & hope

I have yet to mention that I enrolled in Kelly Rae Robert's e-course called flying lessons. {The course is all about tips and tricks to help your creative business soar}. Maybe it's because I took on so many things at once...maybe it's because I have been absolutely immersed in it. Actually it's a yes to both! I wasn't going to enroll for a couple of reasons...money, and time. But as the weeks (two to be exact) went by, I kept seeing people I follow on twitter post about the wealth of info and how amazing it was...that led me to tweet my regrets, and longing to be on the journey. And an angel in the form of Tiffany Moore came to the rescue (big thank you)! I followed my heart and decided to dive in and catch up. Let me tell you that the amount of information Kelly is sharing is A Lot, and so good. It took me a bit, and I had very tired eyes from all the reading but I am offically all caught up on the lessons (there are as many as 500 comments sometimes!).

One thing that I learned about in class is picnik, which is a photo editing tool that's user friendly and free. I think I'm a little late to the party on this, but I thought I would share in case there is anyone out there (like me) who needs something like this. I spent some time playing with it, and it's a lot of fun! I edited the photo above and added a lomography type of effect to it. I don't have anything other than a point and shoot, so the fact that I can play with F-U-N effects, makes me smile! I'm sure that it's not on the same level as having a fun camera - lomo diana, holga, polaroid, etc. but exciting for me nonetheless. And maybe just the thing that I need to move me through my fear, and into my desire to play more with photography.

I am also going to be loving up on my etsy shop a bit more, it's been neglected due to the slow going over there. I have been frustrated with the progress of my little shop, and thus, haven't been giving it much attention. In reality, I haven't been putting enough effort into it...period. I do really well with the rings in person, when people can touch them, and try them on. When they can see the colors up close and personal. And see how comfortable they really are. I feel comfortable talking about their virtues in this type of setting. The rings make me really happy, and I'm told that they make others pretty freaking happy too. So I will be taking my approach from that place. If you want a little more happy in your life...buy a ring. And then you can take it on the road with you. Wherever you go.

The truth is that marketing in general, makes me a little squeamish. I am not a pushy sales person. In fact, I got let go from my first paying job (at 16) in a clothing store (after only a few days) for not wanting throw extra clothing over the door at the customers. I knew I didn't want anyone pushing things on me (and still don't), so I wasn't comfortable doing it to others. This is where the dis-comfort comes in around marketing/selling, but facts are facts, and if I want people to know the rings exist, I must talk about them. And because much of my focus around these parts is authenticity, self love and the like, I will occassionally be mentioning my lovely little rings as authentically and lovingly as I can. This should spare me discomfort, and you from being pushed around! Hopefully it will be a win-win for all of us.

I recently had the pleasure of having some interaction with Miss amazeballs herself - the lovely Michelle Ward (she is as authentically playful as it gets)...and I discovered something about myself and my shop. I have been neglecting to share my playful side with all of you. Well...maybe sometimes I give you a teeny tiny glimpse? I want that to reflect in all I do, because playfulness is important to me. So that is another thing that you will notice around both this space, and ye old shoppe. When I started making the rings, I decided to name them after girls and left it at that - I'm happy to announce that the girls will now be getting some personality! Sometimes I wince when I write something silly, and Little Miss Inner Critic whispers that people won't get it, or they will think I'm a huge doohfus. You're going to be seeing more of that side of me, and I'll let you decide for yourself whether or not you think I'm a doohfus or not - because it's really none of my business what you think of me. And maybe, just maybe...you'll love me even more than you already do! Happy Friday. xo

Everyday Courage.

2010-06-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

Do we avoid risks in life...so that we may make it safely to death? - philosoraptor via fear.less

Today's post is about courage, and not the fists in the air, I'm gonna punch you in the nose if you hurt me kind. Or the jumping out of airplanes kind. I'm talking about the kind of courage that we face each and every day. I think courage is found even in the baby steps. Trying something new - without having all of the answers. Following your own path, your unspoken desires. Telling someone about your dream, knowing full well you may not be understood. Taking a class in something that you are interested in, but have no idea how to do. Even in searching the interwebs for places to take said class. Looking yourself square in the eyes in the mirror, and recognizing your full power - Simply because you are alive. Looking into that same face in the mirror, and saying I Love You (even if it feels funny to do it at first). In my opinion these are all acts of courage. Whether the action is big or small, if you are willing to try...that is courage my friend. I watched two really inspiring videos over the last few weeks. I've included them below. If you haven't already seen them, I highly recommend you do. Neither is very long, and so so worth the few minutes it takes.

We aren't expected to be perfect, and to not make mistakes...by anyone other than ourselves. Everyone feels fear at times, everyone stumbles, everyone makes errors, and everyone has (earmuffs) oh shit (earmuffs release) moments. So let's not hold ourselves (or anyone else for that matter) to an impossible standard. Let's dust ourselves off and move forward.

"Excellence comes from the drive to get back up" - Danielle La Porte

*this video was found via Tiffany Moore aka Crafty Fanny

And I also highly recommend watching Elizabeth Gilbert's video from O magazine's 10 year Anniversary party. It reminds me how important it is to listen to my intuition, my inner voice - the one that leads me down the only path that exists for me. The talk reminds me that it's ok not to know the way, it's ok to make mistakes. That we are on a journey that only women in the last 80-90 years are on, blazing trails, risking failing, making our marks, making the world a better place, finding our way through so many choices, choices that were not available to the women who came before us. The only place of power is that of where we are standing right now. No comparisons to other women, or humans, or the dog (what a life!). Celebrate your authentic life, the real you - there's no one alive that's youer than you (Dr. Seuss). The importance of self forgiveness. The importance of sharing our journeys, so that we might learn from one another. The shame, the fear, the self doubt have no place in this picture; because if we don't share how we are feeling, what we have been through, or what we are currently going through - we might just miss out on sharing a gift with someone else. We are making the way for future generations of girls and women. See how pumped up I am? Now don't you want to watch it?...Really, you should.

I hear the inner critic saying...you're rambling, you have no business writing this. Who do you think you are? My bit of courage right now, is to answer that voice and say...I am me. And this post comes straight from my heart, and if it's rambling...so be it. But I won't be afraid to share my words and both of these amazing videos. Thank you little miss inner critic for giving me the opportunity to be brave. (*picture me cupping my hand to the side of my mouth here - because I'm letting you in on two little secrets). I like to thank her, because she does have lessons to teach if I listen...but sometimes I get the urge to kick her in the shins or pull her pigtails. Hey...I'm only human right?

What little or big thing makes you feel brave?

Spinning, Savasana, and Furry Friends.

2010-06-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

Today I discovered the beauty of letting go, once again. I was doing the yoga portion of Bindu's 21.5.800 challenge, and I decided that today I needed savasana. My heads been spinning with a lot of things. Career, blog challenges, e-courses, etc. Because I've been a bit spinny, and after my morning pages...I thought surrender was in order. Savasana here I come! I got everything ready, laid down, got settled, and my helper (the one you see above) showed up. I would really love it if he would participate like the dog in the commercial (have you seen that one? - it's escaping me whose commercial it is). My wonder pup decided to get involved - and not in a really helpful way. I did not have a camera laying around in case of a photo op, so this is an older photo of him doing one of the things he practiced (2 inches from my face), during my savasana. Adding to my surrender experience. As much as I cursed it, my time was enhanced. The love of my pup wanting to be with Mom, worked out just fine in the end. Things don't always go as we plan, and we can choose to go with it or fight it. I went with it. It all worked out. Unconditional love is good stuff! And tomorrow is a new day.

2010-06-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

I decided to jump in on Bindu's challenge - 21 days of writing and movement. 21 days of | yoga 5 days a week, and writing 800 words per day. I am starting on day 3 of the challenge, but I'm ok with that. (Between you and me - I do have a wee bit of agita about coming in late, but I am going to move past it). This challenge is exactly what I need right now. Yoga has been calling me, calling my soul for much too long now, so I will take this as the final loving push from the Universe. You can never ignore a soul's longing, not forever at least.

I am also looking forward to spending time writing...what I will write? I don't know. But I'm excited to see what comes up. I know that some of my loveliest discoveries have come from not knowing. And I'm so looking forward to participating with all of the lovely souls who have also signed up. If you would like to join us, head over here now. It's not too late.

There is Possibility in Awareness.

2010-06-09T11:52:00.000-07:00

Dwell in possibility ~ Emily Dickinson

I was asked the other day - if a Genie granted you three wishes what would they be? My answers were as follows - One | I would wish for my big dream (more on that later) for my career to come to fruition. It is both creatively and soul fulfilling, and those are both at the top of my priority list. Two | Good flow of money coming in. Consistently. Three | (This is where it got sticky for me) I would absolutely wish for babies. My first inclination was to wish for only one. But the truth is, if I were Really wishing. I would wish for two (because that is what I want). In this moment, while writing down my three wishes, I realized that I was holding back on wishing for myself. Myself! Thank goodness for self awareness. I took a deep breath, erased what I wrote, and added ~~not one~~ but two babies.

I've mentioned before that my brain goes to lack first, and then in these moments of presence I catch myself and am able to shift course. This is a pattern I've lived with all of my life. Lack. So I am very grateful for the gift of awareness. It is life changing. We get stuck in patterns, moving through life as though we are on auto pilot. Rolling with the thoughts in our head, without questioning who or what is in control. We all do it - it's part of the human condition. But the beauty is...there is possibility in awareness, simply noticing, without even having to act. Or having to make some big giant leap. Just the act of noticing is all it takes, and with regular practice you begin to see those places where you get tripped up. Then the self awareness starts happening more often. And things start happening in your life - even without the giant death defying leaps, even with teeny tiny baby steps.

The baby thing is just one example of how the lack comes up for me, I could insert any number of words to fill in the __________. Money. Love. Success. Self Care. Etc. It's about claiming my worthiness. Recognizing my worthiness. I'm not saying that I am constantly in a low state|feeling down|wishing my life was different|feeling like life is not fair|searching for something outside myself. Though I do have those moments, I think if we're honest, we all do. The thought pops in - oh no, I couldn't/shouldn't have that. That's not responsible. Or prudent. Or possible. Whether it's having children, a new fulfilling career, more income, a new car, a trip to Europe, a trip to San Francisco, a big dream of any sort, being an arist, writing a book, splurging on a really fantastic dinner out, treating yourself to skin care or a pedicure, buying a new pair of shoes or three (I mean really...it is those simple things that we deny ourselves sometimes). I say it's all hooey! Let me be the first to say that perpetually dwelling in a lack mentality reeeallly puts a damper on wishing. So let's just do away with that! Yes of course there are bills to pay, and neccessities. But there is also possibility. Ways in which things work out if we only allow ourselves to wish it first.

It's in the moments of awareness that I know (you know, at the core of my being) that I AM worthy of all good. It's not something I need or have to change, it already exists - I just need to be present to it. And the feelings/thoughts of lack and separation are just that. Me on auto pilot. Rolling with it. Until I notice it. And then the possibility begins. So wish away...I say. To both myself and to you.

What 3 wishes would you ask the Genie to grant? dream big.

You deserve it.

This post is part of Dian Reid’s blog challenge at Authentic Realities. Head over and take a look at the challenge to discover other bloggers writing about Self-Evidence and Authenticity.

My Bit of Wisdom.

2010-06-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

I can always find my center when I am at the ocean.

home

center

love

beauty

heart full

tranquil

alive

present

powerful

quiet

breathe

connected

happiness

fearless

still

all words that come to mind when I think of being there, with the sea. no matter where the path ahead leads...it's the place I can return to again and again to come home to myself.

*This post was written as part of Dian Reid's Self Evident + Authenticity blog Challenge

Time in a Bottle, Giveaways, and Other News.

2010-06-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

Desi on a bottle by djkreutzer

I've been hanging back from the interwebs lately. Feeling a little like I needed a break from the distractions it provides me with. I land in the wonderful world of the web sometimes, and I turn it into a bit of a staycation, even when I should be doing other things. I know, I know...we are supposed to be gentle with ourselves, and be ok with where we are. So should I be saying that I should be doing other things? Well, if the truth is that I'm avoiding everything else to be on the interwebs - then I say a little shoulding on myself is in order. And it was in order. Here I am on what is really the beginning of the week, and I am on the web. The difference today after a bit of break, is that I am taking care of business. The web is part of my business, and making time to use it effectively is important. So I put a cap on it, put the time in a bottle, and put a cap on it. Now I can freely do what I need to do within limits. And my little secret? I will be back on later for some fun, as a treat for other work that I will do today. It's a win win. And that makes me smile.

Now onto business.

I wanted to let you know that I am taking part in a great giveaway, a 2nd anniversary blogtacular. Michelle Ward of When I Grow Up Coach is hosting 5 days of giveaways. This is day 2, so get your buns over there and see what she has going on before it's over! The good news is...she is taking entries until 6/8 and will announce all of the winners on 6/9. You can have one entry per giveaway day, and on some days she has multiple prizes! My rings will be featured on Thursday the 3rd, so make sure you enter for your chance to win. And if you don't know Michelle have a looksy at her site, she has an amazing coaching business, and she is so freaking adorable it almost hurts (in a good way of course).

In other news, I finally posted a facebook fanpage for olive & hope so get on over there and "Like" me if you wouldn't mind too awfully much. That would be just peachy of you! I'm hoping that having a page on facebook will make it easier to direct people to the rings - they can simply search olive & hope and find them. I am so grateful to those of you who have been passing out business cards (and keep running out), and to those of you who have purchased, and/or have shared my etsy page. It means so much to me. I have not been known to be the best marketer in the world, but I'm working on finding ways that feel right and good to me and my heart.

*the lovely photo of Desi on a bottle was taken by the most amazing djkreutzer of hippyurbangirl.com

Gratitude and Memorial Day.

2010-05-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

My Grandpa in the Army - WWII

It's been awhile since I posted; let alone done a Friday's F post. Today I am showing up to honor my Grandpa Jack as part of my Friday series, and also because it is Memorial Day weekend. He is one of my Favorite people, and he served our glorious country in WWII. No matter what our stance is on war, we must always honor those who have served. They put their lives on the line. Every one of them. No matter their beliefs, or feelings about the reason they are there. They show up, and risk it all. For me, for you, for our country. I honor that this weekend...and always. My thoughts are with all those who have served, are currently serving, all of the families that stay behind and wait for their loved ones, and all of the families who have lost loved ones. You are all on my gratitude list.

oh friday.

2010-04-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

oh friday. by olive & hope featuring Frye shoes

This is how I'm feeling this fine Friday; I thought I would express it through photo. If you could express your feelings through photos today...what would they look like?

Looking With Your Heart.

2010-04-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

This is a little piece I'm in the process of working on....the words came and inspired me. I've been in my head a lot lately, and it has me feeling a little locked up. My creative life is suffering because of it, and things are not flowing like I'd like. A subtle message from the Universe...to pay attention to what my heart is whispering. Living with an open heart and paying attention to those things that speak to me through my heart, is my intention for the week. What's your intention this week?

Low Tide. High Mood.

2010-04-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

I sat on a rock that is normally covered by the ocean and this was my view; the tide was so incredibly low. It was a soul nourishing and fabulous way to start a Friday! I felt so connected and alive. Do you have a place or situation that makes you feel this way? And if so, how often do you go there?

Being Present and Rediscovering - My Earth Day Celebration

2010-04-22T10:01:00.000-07:00

South Laguna Beach, California

Breathing deeply on this Earth Day. Taking in all of the beauty that is available to me every day. I do cherish it, and am so appreciative of our Earth - always. Her beauty is abundant, and readily available. It's everywhere we look. Today, I will be looking for something I may not have noticed in awhile...some form of earthly beauty that may be underappreciated by some, or by me. I'm not sure what that will be yet, but I'm excited at the prospect of it! By being present, I will allow time for rediscovering something that I may take for granted on a daily basis....I'll report back and let you know what I find.

How will you be celebrating the earth today? If you want to play along with me, leave a comment telling me what you rediscovered today.

*Update of my findings throughout the day*

1. blades of grass really have personality! each one is unique
2. reflections in puddles are quite beautiful
3. palm trees swaying look like a graceful dance
4. purple! I've really been paying attention to the greens and the yellows
5. the sunlight through the clouds is highlighting the yellow on the hill across from me. it looks like a painting
6. the last sliver of sunset last night full of all shades of blue, pinks, greys, browns and purples. I always appreciate the sunsets, but this one had even more colors than most. A perfect ending to Earth Day.

Dear Universe, I got the message.

2010-04-20T16:52:00.000-07:00

If you could do whatever you wanted without the risk of failure, what would you do?

The question is coming at me from all angles, and I am talking from all angles people. It's been asked during my live conversations with lovely people, via blogs, via twitter, via Danielle LaPorte’s book Style Statement. Everywhichway I turn….there it is.

Dear Universe, I hear you. Dually noted. I got ya. Loud and clear. Shot through the heart ~~and you're to blame~~ (couldn't resist). I am awake and focused. Listening to those whispers. Looking for a common thread in all that I want to do. Paying close attention to those things that have been with me for all of my life.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been sitting with the question. Feeling a bit frustrated that I don’t have a succinct answer. Frustrated that I don’t have more clarity on this. But between yesterday and today, I feel that I may have a bit more insight. I don’t have to have all of the answers. I have just have to…listen to the whispers. Pay attention to what my lessons in life have been. Take a look at what I’m good at. Think back to all of the things that I have been through and accomplished and see a common thread.

And today thanks to Carmen Torbus, I am playing with the idea of what it would mean to be a supporter of people. Women and girls specifically. I have said from the time I was young, that I was going to do something to empower women and girls. I guess part of what keeps me from claiming that for myself is my thinking….how could I make a living doing that? And can I combine that with art?

Why can’t I dream big? Why can’t I make money doing something that I feel so passionately about? Who's to stop me? What's to stop me? Why would I allow it/them to stop me?

I instantly go to the place of resistance though. My inner critic starts chattering in my ear…who do you think you are to say that? You don’t have it all together, so what makes you think that you can encourage anyone else and have them believe you? Why would anyone want encouragement from the girl who’s been living small?

Wait a minute who's in charge here?...oh yes, it's me.

I am here to say that today, I know with certainty that this is my inner critic talking (which exhibits some really good personal growth). And just because the thought pops into my head, it does not make it the truth. It does not have to take up permanent residence in my life or my head. I am a supporter of people. A supporter of dreams. A supporter of the arts. A supporter of love, authenticity, and empowerment. A supporter of women loving themselves exactly as they are. Where they are.

How does this play into me figuring out the answer to the question? Well, to that I have to say…I don’t know for sure. But I am clear that it is ok to be unsure. I have my eyes and ears open to those whispers. And while I’m at it, I am going to give myself permission to claim the big dreams, and not minimize them for fear of looking foolish. Because honestly, to me…foolishness seems more like denying yourself the whispers of your heart. I believe that our souls carry messages and/or all of the answers…and we are continually given opportunities to uncover them. Ignoring those opportunities over and over…seems much more cockamamy than taking the time to listen and pay attention.

Sharing Goes a Long Way.

2010-04-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

Watching this video not only made me smile...it made me think about the amazing bonds we feel with people whom we've met via the interwebs (many of whom we've never met in real life). This shows the power of friendship when it's expressed in its truest form, from a place of authenticity and non judgement. When we recognize another being for who they really are. When we feel comfortable enough with another being to BE who we really are. It can't be explained. It just is. And that. Is. Beautiful.

I adore seeing pure expressions of love, like the ones you see in the video. It makes a case for what I believe - which is that we are all connected, it's possible to all get along regardless of race, religion, sex or breed, and that a little sharing goes a long way! Thank you for sharing this space with me, and I hope that when and if we do meet IRL it will be a pure unadulterated celebration of friendship like that of Surya and Roscoe's.

happy monday schmonday.

2010-04-12T12:27:00.000-07:00

It's been hard to get going on Mondays lately. I have to say that I am so happy to have recently started practicing gentleness and non judgement with myself. Monday for the last few weeks has become a bit of a transition day. I take it as it comes. Move through it without too much pressure on myself. And seem to make it to Tuesday unscathed and ready to hit the ground running. I will happily take the kinder gentler Monday, over the whattheheckswrongwithyouyouvegottennothingdone Monday anyday. Maybe a two day weekend is just not enough (for me right now)?....

Fun With Fabrics.

2010-04-09T11:57:00.000-07:00

I am feeling the need to get the sewing machine out, so this is where I'm at this lovely Friday...in a pile of fabrics. Fun with fabrics on a Friday afternoon! I have had stacks of fabric laying around, and zippers coming out of my ears, so the time has come to sew some zippered pouches. I would love to add some to the etsy shop too - that's been one of my goals.

I am especially in love with the hot pink car fabric. It was a splurge! I'll make sure to show off whatever I make with it and the other fabrics here, and if I have more than one somethings...maybe you can carry one around too. I love to combine fabrics. It feels so good to have my hands on these textiles.

Today I think I will be cutting which is the hardest part for me - being a recovering perfectionist and all. Once everything is cut, the real fun can begin! And while sewing makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes...it is also very soothing to me. It's like a good therapy session....with tangible results. Face some fears. Express some emotion and maybe some expletives. Let it all go. Walk away feeling a sense of accomplishment.

What will you be doing this weekend? Anything fun? Facing any fears? Expressing any emotion? Letting go? Accomplishing anything?

I hope that whatever you do...you have some fun. xo

Freeing up Space.

2010-04-07T07:30:00.000-07:00

Every Easter morning for five years in a row we get to listen to something that is music to our ears. There are 3 or 4 houses directly down the hill below us that have young children. And without fail every year, we find ourselves gathered at our bedroom window, watching and listening to the Easter egg hunts going on down below.We love it. Adore it actually. But it also bring up a tender spot for us, because we want to have babies so badly.

Every year as this happens, we talk about what we will do with our kids when we finally get pregnant. We talk about how badly we want to wake up on Easter morning and have our kiddos hunting for the eggs that their Daddy has hidden for them. Inevitably he will be the egg hider, since he wakes up at the crack of dawn on a regular day - though I am never one to miss out on fun, so I'm sure I will be hiding some too.

I haven't talked about our fertility much here in this space, but because I am feeling particularly tender about it, I thought I would. This year I feel it so much more deeply, the longing, the sadness, the hope. In this moment I am feeling the the possibility fading. Fading with each passing year. I know that I am supposed to release all expectations and BE, but there is a part of me that can't quite apply that to having a baby. If I give up the expectation, the hope, the possibility...will it happen? Will the message that we are still longing be heard?

I put all of these feelings in a box (that damn box keeps appearing, doesn't it?), where I can safely keep them at a distance. Trying to hold onto hope, but trying to let go of the outcome at the same time. And to be honest, it's exhausting. I only know that I am feeling deeply right now. It is okay to be where I am. To have feelings and let them move through me. If I don't let them out, then they stay bottled up, and one thing I know for sure is - that does me no good.

I am feeling sad about trying to get pregnant for over 5 years to no avail. I am feeling a bit frightened about what the future holds. I am letting the tears flow as I write this. I am letting it move through. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I want people to feel like they can talk to me about it. I want people to be feel comfortable telling my when someone gets pregnant. I want people to continue holding onto hope along with me. I want people to not stay away because it makes them uncomfortable. I want to feel normal, and not like I belong in a tower and should be guarded by a dragon. I just want to be supported no matter what the outcome is.

We are working on emotions in the courageous year, and I suppose that's another reason why the feelings are a little more available to me now. It feels good to write about it, to let it out of the proverbial box. I have to say that I was a bit afraid of this section of the course, because I know that I have a lot built up in there. I came to a realization that it all needs to be let out. The thing that's a bit scary is that there is a lot of it - the sadness and anger. I can't help but think of all of the good that can come my way, as all of that space is freed up though. That gives me hope for the future...no matter what it brings.

photo attribution -

http://www.flickr.com/photos/yives/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

A Sea of Blue and Green.

2010-04-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

rings by olive & hope

she swims in a whirly swirly sea of blue and green.

no concern if her vision is crystal or murky.

she allows herself to be supported by its beauty.

to revel in the purity of the moment.

to feel the sand between her toes.

to move gracefully through it.

to embrace her place in the world.

to be taken by its beauty.

to BE in the midst of it all.

tossed around by the whirly surf.

she lands on the shore amongst the seaweed.

she feels the weight of it all.

and breathes in deep.

her lungs filling with possibility.

her mind feeling tousled and awakened.

her heart bursting open.

she basks in the warmth of sunshine.

looking to the clouds for shapes and inspiration.

feeling elated and ready.

encircled by sea glass

and sea shells.

she clearly hears its call.

A Video that Deserves to be Shared.

2010-04-06T10:32:00.000-07:00

All of My Days from Kate Swoboda on Vimeo.

Just a quick little post to share this very beautiful video. If you haven't already seen it, you should. And if you have already seen it..you should watch it again. I can't get enough of it. And Kate is every bit as beautiful and authentic a person, as her video shows. *and she was sweet enough to feature one of my baubles in the video :) Enjoy!

Beautifully Balanced.

2010-04-03T12:01:00.000-07:00

I was on a beach walk the other day and stumbled upon this piece of driftwood with rocks stacked on it. It made me think of the delicate balance of BEing. When I am gentle with myself and where I'm at, it allows me to fully be present and celebrate myself. Not for what I have or haven't done, but for just BEing. Life is lived in the present moment, and when I find myself worrying about what I should be doing, regretting the past or what if'ing about the future I begin to feel a sense of heaviness. And I feel a bit more like a pile of rocks...I'm talking a huge pile of boulders people.

This beautifully balanced stack of rocks is what I want to feel like. Just that - beautifully balanced. Able to face change, fear, insecurity, anger, sadness, joy, peacefulness, calm, happiness and know that where I'm at is just fine. Not to take on more than is healthy for me, and not to pile myself so high with self imposed expectations that I risk toppling over from the weight of it all. It's a moment to moment thing, and it's a choice. I get to choose each moment to BE who I am, where I am, in all of my glory...just like this beautiful stack of rocks.

Sipping and Fun.

2010-04-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

anthropologie

I'm a few hours late for my Friday post...but we can surely have fun on Saturday right? I was perusing Anthropologie's site and found these fun stripey straws. And I couldn't help but picture a vase filled with flowers, a table full of food, a colorful tablecloth, and sipping lemonade or some other refreshing drink...with friends.

In honor of Spring, the gorgeous weather we have been having, and the weekend of holiday festivities - why not make simply sipping a drink with friends and family a celebration all it's own? Being present. Listening. Sharing. Being kind. Sipping and having fun.

What's For Dinner?...

2010-03-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

"Fun" is my F for today. Last night my love, myself and the dog were in the kitchen discussing one of our hot topics "what's for dinner?". It's become sort of a play thing for us, sometimes it's fun, and sometimes it's just plain annoying (mostly fun though). As the subject came up last night, a streak of silliness hit me and I said that I would like to express my feelings and thoughts about dinner through interpretive dance. And the result was the three of us dancing/acting out our words in the middle of the kitchen, while deciding to have leftovers. The dog cannot resist a dance party - ever. He is so quirky....I wonder where he gets it? We all had some pretty funny moves going on. I woke up with a good giggle in the middle of the night, while the two boys were soundly sleeping. One of the many reasons why I am so in love with my family - being silly is so very acceptable and completely encouraged. This is our brand of fun....what silly things do you do with your family, and or pets?

a note to my future inner sales person.

2010-03-19T17:52:00.000-07:00

To help keep me blogging, I am going to try and do something new. Celebrating the end of the week with a Friday blog dedicated to F stuff. Fearlessness, Fun, Future, Fabulousities....and whatever other F fancies me each week.

Today I am going to write a note to my future self. Me in the not so distant future...I'm talking over the next couple of weeks.

My dearest me,

I just want you to know that you have had a fabulous couple of weeks. I am so proud of you for heading out and talking to people about your rings, I know that you've been so afraid. It was just what you needed to do to get over the hump. There was a positive response overall, and any less than positive response was just part of getting out there. Being turned away is not a door slamming, but rather an opportunity to learn, grow, and for goodness that can't be seen in advance. Many things will come from this - more than you even realize. The forward motion was great! You were great...especially the part where you were just you. That part totally rocked!

Know this darling girl...you are completely supported in dreaming big.

i love you,
me xo

Happy Monday Little Miss Inner Critic.

2010-03-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

I am aware that you are afraid today inner critic. I am aware that you are worried that I might fail, or that I might make a stupid mistake today (or any day for that matter). I understand that you only want the best for me. You just have a crappy way of showing it. You show your love for me by whispering things that will scare me, and make me feel as anxious as you do in an effort to keep me safe. I am going to start the week off by acknowledging you my darling inner critic and all of your concern, but more importantly by choosing to face the week and all it brings anyway.

As I'm nearing the end of level one of the courageous year I'm examining the progress I've made, and taking a look at where I am at. I am not perfect, and I still feel like I may succumb to fear at any given moment. I am still feeling overwhelm tugging at my skirt strings. I am feeling like I am filled with worry and anxiety over starting a business - wondering if I will make it and be able to pay my bills. And I am filled with worry over not getting it all right. However, here's the good part on this gorgeous Monday - I am acknowledging all of these things. Which hot diggity...means I am present. I am feeling empowered. I am feeling my emotions, but not getting run over by them. I have made some really good changes, and I will not diminish that. I am accepting where I'm at today, and while it may not be exactly where I want to be, in this moment I am here and accounted for. That's all I can hope for. I don't expect to be some perfected version of me, just maybe a souped up version. You know the one that still experiences all of the stuff that surfaces from time to time...but knows that that is all it is.

Perfect or not...here I come. Ready to face the rest of the week and all it brings.

Where Worthiness Lives.

2010-03-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

It’s being talked about everywhere I turn. Worthiness. Abundance. As you may already know, I’ve claimed embracing abundance as one of my primary focuses of the year. And when it comes down to it…abundance and worthiness go hand in hand. If you don’t feel worthy of good things, then how can abundance possibly come your way? Brene Brown has a Week of Worthiness going on over at her blog to promote what looks like an amazing new dvd that she just released. Its inspired bloggers everywhere to discuss worthiness, and it feels a bit like an uprising to me. Some of the blogs are hosting giveaways of the dvd, and to enter you are asked to put in the comments section – I am worthy, or some other variation of that. You scroll down and see person after person declaring that for themselves, and it starts to feel really powerful.

I think that there is something to be said for doing anything in numbers, and I am all for a Worthiness Movement :) To know that we are born as perfect beings that are worthy of all of lifes richness (and not just the monetary kind), is a gift. Finding our way back to that is the challenge. It is amazing to read how others feel about worthiness and a lack thereof, people feel it in terms of everything from their bodies, to their homes, to their wardrobe, and to just being enough. Being enough as a person. I will raise my hand here right now, and admit that I have felt this way in every one of those areas. It’s absolutely true. And at some point it has become uncomfortable for me to feel this way any longer. There is a separateness that comes from it, and there is no need for it. You can clearly see that, as you read the blogs that are participating in this week of worthiness. There is no separation in us as people, and there should be no separation in each us from all of our perfection at the soul level.

I’ve said before that I believe our beauty is inherent, it's in our cells and in our souls, and I believe the same goes with worthiness. It's not about perfection, how much you get marked off a to-do list, how others perceive us, or what we have in life - it about understanding that we can step back into that soul level perfection every moment, every day - no matter what. Whether you've had a good or bad hair day. Gained 10 lbs or lost 10 lbs. Have gray hair or no gray hair. Are working at your dream job or not. Are feeling full of energy or choose to lay on the couch. Feel comfortable in a bathing suit or not. Are paralyzed by fear or are always jumping right in with both feet. Have a mountain of debt or have money coming out of your ears. Own a home. Are homeless. Rent a home. Exercise 7 days a week or think about exercising 7 days a week (this could go on forever...). What I'm trying to say is that no matter what you think you should have to be or do, before worthiness can find you...we each already possess it in this very moment. It lives in each of us. You don't need to check things off the list before you can claim it.

I am choosing to claim it for myself. Declaring it for myself. I am worthy. I am enough. What about you? Declare it in my comments, there is power in numbers.

A Little of Me.

2010-03-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

I have the feeling that something big is on the horizon. I am feeling alive, and inspired to live, love, create, nurture, and use my voice (for good not evil - of course). I found this meme over at Kate's blog and loved it. Because I think that being open is an important part of my journey, I decided to dive in and play along!

I am: creative. sweet. silly. quiet. easy going. trustworthy. insecure. detail oriented. quirky. a great teacher. positive. sensitive. a worrier. level headed (i'm a Libra). a pig tail wearer. happy. sad. scared. strong. big hearted.

I think: that the world would be a better place if people were nicer to one another

I know: that I am a beautiful soul.

I want: to embrace an abundant life full of all of the things that I've forgotten I deserve

I have: hope for the future

I dislike: people who bully others

I miss: collaborative creative work, I feel like some of my best work has been born out of collaboration

I fear: living small for the rest of my life - being stuck because of fear. not realizing my dreams

I feel: filled with hope and anticipation, and scared with a little twinge of ohcrapwhatsaroundthecorner at the same time

I hear: music - it's been a Pandora Radio kind of day

I smell: pineapple and eau de labrador retriever

I crave: connection, creative expression and sometimes mexican food ;)

I usually: put too much importance on what others think of me

I search: for the good in every situation

I wonder: if I will really be able to step into my power

I regret: the way that I've spoken/treated myself through the years. thankfully, now I know better - most of the time ;) it's a process

I love: my love. and my dog. they are my family, and fill my days and nights with fun, love, richness, and joy. I know that no matter what, good times or bad (and we've had both), they are there for me. loving me -endlessly

I care: about people's well being - including my own

I am always: silly, even if I don't show you

I worry: that I won't be perceived as a grown up

I remember: being completely connected to my creative abilities when I was a child, and I'm working on getting back there

I have: a strong desire to do some kind of creative work, that involves inspiring/empowering girls

I dance: all of the time! with my love. with my dog. in the kitchen. in the living room. in the bathroom. in the bedroom. not in public unless some alcohol has been consumed (working on this one)

I sing: whenever I hear a song that I know the words to, and that's pretty often. some people know movie lines, I remember song lyrics

I don’t always: do the things that I want to, mostly because of fear

I argue: rarely. and when I do, it's something I feel passionately about. it usually only lasts until I remember it's my ego talking

I write: because I'm amazed at the things you learn about yourself along the way

I lose: my mind over stripey socks and boots

I wish: to live a fulfilled life and to accept that I can dream HUGE for myself - there need not be barriers or limits

I listen: to music with a fervor, and my intuition as often as possible

I don’t understand: violence

I can usually be found: at my dining room table. *aka the office/art studio

I am scared: that I won't ever be a Mom

I need: connection, creative work, music, and joy

I forget: that I am a big strong girl

I am happy: when I'm connecting with others. and when I'm out in nature

big strong girl.

2010-03-03T14:34:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have been talking a lot about my fears, and tactics that I use to live small. I feel like I downplay my strength sometimes. I just thought I would post to declare that while I have fears (and I speak of them often), and while I may still employ tactics that encourage living small...I am a big strong girl. And for me - being a big strong girl means acknowledging my weaknesses, feeling my emotions, asking for help when I need it, walking through it not running away from it, being proud of my accomplishments, nurturing myself when I need it, always being open to growth, and loving all parts of me.

Always...

2010-03-02T14:05:00.000-08:00

I had a moment of clarity in the shower yesterday morning - I do some of my best thinking there. I had just finished a great meditation, which I'm sure led to the inspiration (channeling my inner Dr. Suess here). It came to me that I have always been taken taken care of. I have always been taken really good care of. Maybe it didn't come from the places that I wanted it to all of the time, but none of that matters. It just doesn't. I have been really blessed. I have always had really loving and wonderful people in my life, and I have always had a relationship with God, Source, allthatis, whatever you call it. In that moment I felt so fortunate - filled with gratitude from my head to my toes.

I wrote this in my journal yesterday - It doesn't matter who or what has taken care of me. The simple fact is, that I have always been provided for. Always been loved. Always been safe. Always been protected. There is no need to be seperate from that.

One of the things I'm working on is Embracing Abundance - wrapping my mind, heart, and soul around it. This was a moment when I could no longer deny that I am abundant and worthy. And I am no longer choosing to affirm lack in my life. I'm choosing to affirm abundance...and there's power in that.

Blowing the Lid Off the Small Box.

2010-02-24T10:33:00.000-08:00

How does it serve me to play small? As I’ve mentioned before, I’m taking an e-course - the courageous year with Kate Swoboda. One of our recent topics begged me to answer these two questions.

one | how do I use overwhelm to play small?
two | how does playing small serve me? and am I playing small?

I will say that when I ponder both of these thoughts, my eyes fill. And along with the moist eyes comes a smile! Because if I’m having a reaction like that, then I know I’m on my way. We are talking about belief and story, and what stories each of us carry with us through life. Where did you pick them up? And what would happen if you let them go? We’re also discussing the concept of living big vs. living small, and I can honestly say that I have lived small most of my life.

Playing small sort of feels like living in a box. A small box. With just enough room to move around in, it’s not really comfy, but it’s not thaaat uncomfortable – ah but it is grasshopper! I have put myself in a safe little box; one that keeps me contained. The BIG me, the one that wants to stretch and run, and skip and soar. All of my muscles – my creative muscles, my heart, my body are all suffering from atrophy. This small box is not the place for the BIG me, the REAL me.

I can’t play big if I continue to use the word overwhelm - and I do use it on a regular basis. I’m not talking about an overly dramatic, back of the hand over the forehead, and fainting overwhelm. I’m talking about a more subtle version of the word (it’s actually a quite effective, yet subtle tool that’s used to keep the lid on the small box). It just slides easily off my tongue. I use it whenever I am taking on something that is a challenge for me. Or when I’m doing something that I “believe” I am not good at – like when I’m taking on getting organized.

Being unorganized is one of my stories. Because while it’s true that organizing does not come easy to me, it does show up in some areas of my life pretty effortlessly. For instance – my closet is organized by color, category, and from short to long. *Disclaimer - don’t get ahead of yourself and picture a beautiful closet worthy of being photographed, because that it’s not. This example debunks my story right? If I’m organized some of the time, I can’t be unorganized all of the time.

I have so many stories, and beliefs that I hold onto (I'll continue to share them here, as part of my effort to let them go). What’s the point of holding onto something so tightly if it’s not even true? Is it all in an attempt to avoid living/playing BIG? Yes, I think it is. Staying in the small box and playing small has kept me safe from harm, and in a cocoon of sorts. Stepping into my power, and owning my power is scary. What lengths will I go to keep from expanding? I’m at the point where I can no longer stay curled up, living and playing small.

Be guaranteed that I will be looking for all of my stories to show up. I will take note, and do some rewriting. The time is here. Time to shed the cocoon. Time to spread my wings. Time to blow the lid off of this little box! You have served your purpose. I say thank you for your promises of safety and bid you adieu. I will take my crumpled wings, and all of my atrophied muscles and crawl away. I will crawl until I can walk. I will walk until I can skip. I will skip until I can run. I will run until I can take flight and soar.

Is there a belief or story that you hold onto that keeps you playing small? And if so, what is it? How does playing small feel to you?

Giving Away a Spot in An Experiment in Radical Creativity!

2010-02-10T12:28:00.000-08:00

Hi all! I am doing my second giveaway in two days! A little taste of how Oprah feels! Kate Swoboda has graciously offered to let me give away a free spot in her Across Mediums e-course. Kate is a life skills and creativity coach, and she's sharing her passion for COURAGE with the women everywhere. This is an opportunity to create and play without ANY pressure. Come on...be courageous and enter yourself to win! It's going to be a lot of fun, and it starts next week.

from the across medium's webpage

So raise your hand if you're someone who... (This is who Kate sees signing up...and for the record - I'm raising my hand)

* hoards art supplies, telling herself that she'll use them (and then somehow that doesn't happen).
* secretly longs to quit her day job and spend long days sketching or painting or collaging at a studio desk.
* gets totally inspired when she buys the canvas at the art store, then feels paralyzed with fear or resistance when it's time to sit down.
* someone who makes the first brush or pen stroke, sighs and thinks, "That sucks," maybe gives it another few minutes and then gives up.
* would love to do something creative, but doesn't have the time or money to go to art school.
* would love to do something creative, but doesn't want to have people critique her work--why can't it just be fun?
* would love to create lots of artwork, but what would one do with it once it's finished?
* is creative on a regular basis, but has a "been there, done that" feeling about most projects and is looking for something new.
* promises herself that this time, she'll finish that sketchbook and yet...yet...yet...

This course is exactly what I need right now. I've been feeling stuck and blocked in just about every area, and Kate's perspective on having fun with it all, and letting go of the end result is the perfect prescription! I'm currently enrolled in her e-course The Courageous Year and I can speak to the incredible support and enthusiasm that she shares with me, and the other participants. Knowing this first hand, makes me feel confident saying that I'm sure this will be an incredible 14 day experience!

Kate says ~ You'll probably "mess things up," and hopefully have fun doing it!

Get a little taste of the course here:

Across Mediums: An Experiment In Radical Creativity from Kate Swoboda on Vimeo.

Kate's going to be leading the way to unleashing your creativity through writing, sketching, painting, photography, and getting your fingers into a little clay. Sounds good to me.

Sound good to you? Just leave a comment answering the following question,

"What keeps or blocks you from using your creativity?" Mine would be fear

And you could win a free spot in this great e-course!

I will also throw in another entry for anyone who tweets about this giveaway, just leave a seperate comment for each entry (if you tweet - leave your @info plz.)

You have until 9:00 p.m. PST tomorrow night (2/11/10) to enter.
Winner will be announced Friday morning.

**Please be sure to leave your email address in your comment
so that you can be contacted if you win with details about the course. Leave your email address in this oliveandhopeatgmaildotcom format or some derivative, to protect you from spam.

Good luck to you!

If you don't win and don't want to miss out on the fun... please go here to sign up.

The Story of Stepping In.

2010-02-09T13:19:00.000-08:00

photo via Lin Pernille

I have been reading a ton about stories. You know the ones that belong to each of us? The ones we've claimed, woven into our lives, and let take root. If you wanted to live the life of your dreams...what story would that require you to give up? Or rather...what would story would you have to step into? A version of this question was recently posed by two people | Kate Swoboda who is doing a fabulous e-course called The Courageous Year, and Jamie Ridler via last weeks Wishcasting. I've been considering what stories I would have to give up or step into. The first thing that comes up - is that I'd have to step into feeling deserving of all good and abundance. ouch. The second thing that comes up - is that I'd have to step completely into being an adult, and not letting this wounded little girl that dwells inside have so much power over my life. yeeps. Next in line - is that I'd have to acknowledge that I'm talented, creative and capable of making a living being all of those things. really? This is all stuff that I know, stuff that I own, and stuff that I'm ready to really look at. I've been glancing...now it's time to put on the night vision goggles and really have a good looksey.

For some reason the "stepping into" zings me a little more than the letting go. Perhaps because owning a new version of the story is uncharted territory?? It's so much easier to look at what you've already got, or already know. But there's a point where it becomes unbearable to accept staying stuck, to keep doing the same old thing, and to not use the tools in your toolbox. My body, soul, heart, and mind are all giving me the signal. Go ahead...step forward...and bring that wounded little girl with you. You know what to do. You'll both make it. And you will both be healed in the process.

What stories would you have to step into, or let go of to live your life fully? Have you already? And if not...what keeps you stuck?

My First Giveaway.

2010-02-08T15:24:00.000-08:00

a few of my little baubles.

I have been wanting to do a giveaway for a while, but sometimes the fear of the unknown stops me. I get caught up in the what if's and the how to's. It occurred to me today that it would really make me happy to give a ring away. And then it occurred to me that by not doing it...I'm screwing myself out of that very happiness! I'm going to just do it, so hang in there with me - I'll never learn or grow if I don't try. So here we go...leave a comment with your email and I will use a random number generator to pick a winner. Tell me your favorite color or two (not of the colors you see above, just your personal favorite colors), and something random about yourself that you love, by 7pm PST on February 9, 2010. I will pick a winner, and send her a lovely little Valentine treat from me!

My rings are very comfy, so even if you don't wear jewelry that often, throw you name in the hat. I think that you'll be pleasantly surprised. I've had many converts! They are worn by beauties from 13-88 (this I know for sure!).They've been worn everywhere from the beach, to coffee with a friend, to a day out shopping, to date night, to a fancy schmancy Museum Gala. And just to give you an idea of what they look like on, here is a picture. Boy do I need to get a hand model! - hence the small picture ;)

*when you leave a comment please post your email in this format oliveandhope|at|gmail|dot|com, or some derivative of that, for spam protection. If anyone has a better method for entries, I would appreciate the input!

Not Perfect or Pretty.

2010-02-04T12:53:00.000-08:00

Crawling out of the muck.
That's where I'm at.
It's all I can do to write something.
Create something.
Anything.
I'm sick of being stuck.
Want to let go.
Too many expectations for myself.
All or nothing. Black or White.
Both hurt.
Stepping into choice.
Choosing to write whatever comes to mind.
Not perfect or pretty.
Don't care if it's tied up with a pretty bow.
It is what it is.
That's where I'm at.

Olive + Hope

a little reflection

L O V E.

I'm the Captain of this ship.

heart whispers and rooftops.

freedom to play.

Mama got a brand new bag.

celebrating the mom in all of us.

happy.ness

the power of reaching out.

hello friday, it's me grateful.

showing up.

swept away by choice.

perfectly me

inner peace.

a little note from the universe.

day of love.

me and you.

Dear Me Today.

friday fun.

countdown to getting my hands messy.

the winds of change.

fearless flourishing.

it always calls me home.

a perfect circle.

wonderfull.

breathtaking moments.

structure, schedules, and bears...oh my!

an investment in me.

things I'm grateful for - day 2

friday gratitude

someone I need to let go, or wish I didn't know.

someone I didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

something I need to forgive myself for.

something I love about myself.

something I hate about myself.

30 days of truth.

I'm Going to be My Own Muse (yikes).

A Bit of San Francisco.

Celebrating Me.

We All Have Our Own S#@t.

It's Been a Wild Week.

you can do anything.

for all of us.

Hello Friday.

all sorts of courageousness.

Hello Friday.

yellow shoes. dog hair. and smiles.

5 things.

New Rings.

Getting It.

random fun.

How'd You Sneak Up on Me Friday?

Connecting the Dots, and Big Dreams.

Suggested Reading.

More Bits and Pieces.

Fun Facts.

Delicious Morning.

5 Years.

She's Earned Her Wings.

Renegade Craft Fair - LA.

Little Bits.

Who's the Boss of You?

Flying Lessons. Rings. Authenticity and Play.

Everyday Courage.

Spinning, Savasana, and Furry Friends.

There is Possibility in Awareness.

My Bit of Wisdom.

Time in a Bottle, Giveaways, and Other News.

Gratitude and Memorial Day.

oh friday.

Looking With Your Heart.

Low Tide. High Mood.

Being Present and Rediscovering - My Earth Day Celebration

Dear Universe, I got the message.

Sharing Goes a Long Way.

happy monday schmonday.

Fun With Fabrics.

Freeing up Space.

A Sea of Blue and Green.